


Damage control

by LadyEquinox, meikahidenori



Series: Thunderbirds Are Go Smut - 18+ archive [9]
Category: Thunderbird are go
Genre: Brother/Brother Incest, M/M, R 18 +, Rape/Non-con Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-29
Updated: 2017-05-18
Packaged: 2018-10-25 04:06:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 36
Words: 59,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10756377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyEquinox/pseuds/LadyEquinox, https://archiveofourown.org/users/meikahidenori/pseuds/meikahidenori
Summary: a Co-written fiction with Kirsten Hoon @Lady_EquinoxAfter some pretty horrific things going on behind the scenes, John and Gordon go on a cruise together and Scott and Virgil try to sort themselves out back at home.





	1. Slave

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: contains rape scenes very early in the fiction. While largely glossed over very lightly they are still quite graphic to a degree so please steer clear if this will cause you harm

John collapsed in a heap in the locker bay. He should have gone into Thunderbird 4 and confronted Virgil and outed him for cheating - but John wasn't like that. He should have expected that moment in the shower when he pounced on him to be a one off quick, no strings attached fucking... the way Virgil never brought it up or wanted to pursue anything further should have run alarm bells.

The worst part? He was the one Virgil did the cheating with... on Gordon.

John couldn't get the vision of them alone being all hot and romantic with each other inside the submarine out of his head. Either he had a fight with Gordon or he was just desperate for sex, John had become an unwitting accomplice.

He couldn't believe he had been played like that again. Usually that was what Scott did... that wasn't a relationship - that was his older sibling using him to vent frustration out on.

Virgil had been rough... but at least he spent time touching him, Scott never did - it was clothes torn aside and pinning him to the floor or the bathroom sink, gripping his hair viciously as he fucked him into submission, begging him to stop.

John wanted what he had just seen going in that submarine... playful touching, kissing, exploring.... there was love and delicate care going on in there and he was desperate for that sort of attention off anyone who wanted to give it, but no one did.

He didn't just feel dirty, he felt used.

"There you are, been looking for you."

John didn't look up. he recognised that tone of voice, it meant his body was going to be Scott's whether he liked it or not.

A hand reach down and tilted up his head. 

"You look like someone died. didn't do it to you hard enough yesterday did he? That's too bad."

"Wait- you knew!?"

"Course I did. I told him to."

"You fucking bastard!" John moved quickly to stand but Scott grabbed him around the neck and roughly pushed him back onto his knees.

"Your body is mine to do what I like. As your older brother who does everything around here while you waste time dicking around in orbit, I get privileges and you don't."

John tried to pry the hands from his neck but had no luck. If he kept trying to fight, Scott would choke him. Infront of everyone he was nice as pie... but here alone with John he was a monster.

Scott knew it too. John hated confrontation and he abused it to assert his authority over him. If he didn't, Scott was certain his brother would be a better leader and head of international rescue. little did his other brothers know that's what John position in Thunderbird five ment, as when dad was around John was in charge and Scott hated it... he was damned if he was going to play second fiddle to his younger brother.

With one hand still around John's neck, he dropped his trousers and forced his erection between his siblings lips then with his free hand, grabbed his red locks and purposely held him roughly while the thrusted hard and deep into his throat. John's hands tried desperately to free himself, he even bit down hard to try and get him to stop - but Scott pushed harder until he came, unloading everything and expecting John to swallow. He then tossed his coughing and sputtering brother down, pinned him down to the floor and removed his shorts furiously, pushing John's head against the tiles with one hand, his privates in the other and then penetrated deep into him, John yelping in pain as Scott was brutal with his entry.

Scott wasn't going to be kind. He was going to hurt him good and proper.

"Unnnh! S-stop it Scott! UHHH! You're hurting me!"

"Only because you got off lightly yesterday. Maybe I should teach Virgil how he's supposed to treat you? maybe a visual demonstration? Heck a physical one too but I don't trust him turning on me."

"Ah! Please Scott! uhhhh fuck you! Seriously fuck you!"

The hand that was holding his head lifted it and slammed it onto the tiles. "Quiet, you’re my bitch and you'll do what I tell you. Maybe next time Virgil asks I'll supervise, he can fuck you while I have my cock down your throat tied down too, god that'd be fucking hot! You as our little slave... mmm fuck the thought makes me want to cum inside you over and over!"

Gordon needed to hit the showers after his little romp in Thunderbird four, Virgil being a little more daring than usual. Infact more so all of a sudden, usually Gordon had to work hard to get the big guy to drop his pants.

He reached for the doorknob and paused. something was going on inside. He stood on his tiptoes to get a better look in the doors window and was horrified.

Gordon could see Scott holding John to the floor, rough handling him - pushing his head hard onto the tiles while he took him from behind and tugged him with malice underneath. There was muffled noises but Gordon couldn't make anything out if he wanted to. He watched Scott finish up, roll John over and kiss him hard till he swore he saw blood dribble from between them. Scott then stood, throwing a towel over his waist, said something inaudible before heading towards the door. Gordon moved out the way hurriedly before the door swung out and Scott stormed through adjusting his jeans, unaware he was behind the door.

Gordon ducked quickly inside and was down on his knees beside John who hadn't moved much, except to curl into a ball on the floor.

There was traces of sexual activity everywhere and all over his sibling along with blood dripping from his brother's jaw and clumped into his hair.

"Shit, you alright?" Gordon knew that was a dumb thing to ask but said it anyway. 

John shook his head. "I'll... I'll be ok Gordon. We we're just... getting too.. intense with each other."

"Intense? John that looked like he was being violent with you on purpose! heck don't you dare lie to me and say you enjoyed that- you look like you're about to fucking cry!"

"Scott prefers it that way ok? I don't question it."

"Well you fucking should! No one deserves that, not even you."

“Gee... thanks Gordon for making me sound like an afterthought. If you don't mind I have a floor to clean and need a long shower."

John tried to stand up, but crashed back to the tiled floor. Scott had pounded him so hard this time his hips couldn't hold his body weight without screaming in agony.

"Fuck!" John swore, pain wracked through his voice. "Fuck fuck fuck!" The last string of swear words were delivered through a curtain of tears. Gordon wrapped his arms around him tight, letting him bury his head into him as he broke down. Gordon tried to sooth him, but was pretty sure it wasn't helping much.

"John.... be honest with me, you two are lovers right?"

"No."

"Shit. Then why do you let him do this to you?"

"I don't know. There isn't any point fighting back anymore. I will always be his plaything... to do as he wants."

"But why John?"

"Because... because there's no one else. Who the hell would find me worth loving in a real relationship? Fuck he even had Virgil use me... seriously Gordon just... leave it alone. If I rock the boat there's no telling what will do to me now..."

"Wait, back up a second - Virgil used you like this too? When?"

"Yesterday. I thought it was real too.... but no, Scott told him I was an easy lay once I was pinned down. He seemed pretty happy about rubbing it in too just now." He looked Gordon in the eyes. "I didn't know about you and Virgil till before Scott was in here... when I almost walked in on you both. That's when I knew something was wrong.... and Scott graciously filled in the blanks." he shivered violently as guilt washed over him. "I'm sorry Gordon - sorry for everything. I've ruined not just my life, but everyone else's too. I can't take it back either.... feel so... empty."

Gordon could feel the anger rise within him. He wanted to yell at John, hit him and leave him there. Truth was it wasn't John he was mad at... it was Scott and his own lover. John was just a piece in the little game that wasn't important enough to be thought of as an object. That infuriated Gordon far more than the sight infront of him.

But right now, John needed someone to help pick up the pieces Scott left him in. Gordon knew that give him an hour and he'll be reasonable, however John was a professional at making you think the world was full of smiles - that was his job. It's the other things, the trauma that you didn't see that had shaped him into the person he was. Gordon didn't envy it, not one bit. The idea of living life from the outside looking in was too painful a thought to contemplate.

Gordon wrapped his arms around him again. no... the anger he felt can bubble and stew a little longer.

Gordon held John for a while, then helped him up and over to the showers. When they were both redressed, they both cleaned up the mess and Gordon helped him to his room and totted around, surprised that John wasn't going to shoo him off as he tucked him into bed. Gordon hesitated before leaving John alone - setting up a holo cam in the room out of mild paranoia, for some reason it didn't seem right to leave him too alone after what Scott had done.

The night seemed to pass slowly and John stirred in his sleep, only to be grabbed and his face covered with something that smelled before blacking out.

"Trust me Virgil, this will help you get that feeling of dominance, if not courage in the bedroom" Scott smiled, ushering his brother into John's bedroom and closing the door behind them. "Yesterday was just a teaser, you will love this."

"I don't know Scott, I think messing with John was a little too much ... I think I hurt him."

"Nonsense. Can't hurt him at all. Besides I told you, he'll do what I want him to." Scott waved it off. "If anything, you are going to wish you could do this with Gordon."

Scott peeled the sheet off the bed and there was John naked on the bed, his legs cuffed at the ankles with a metal bar separating his legs apart and another one lead up to a collar at his neck which was also attached to a leash on the head of the bed. His arms were pulled back and cuffed to his heels so his back was forcefully arched with his backside in the air and his mouth was gagged with one of those ball mouth stirrups preventing him from talking. His head lay awkwardly on the mattress and Virgil realised there was a pleading look in his eyes, Virgil unsure if it was because he was begging for them to do him or pleading to let him go.

"Woah, Scott you- you serious?"

"Of course I am." Scott ran his hand along John's back as if he was a pedigree dog.

"He's mine to do as I please. If I tell him to be your bitch he'll comply. He's always willing." To stress his point he lifted John's head and kissed him before dropping it on the mattress again. "He knows this too."

"I don't think I can, not like this." Virgil grunted. "I wouldn't dare do this to Gordon."

"Not asking you to but you did ask me how to assert your dominance. This is your chance"

Scott put his arm around Virgil's shoulders. "If you want Gordon to dictate your sex life forever then by all means walk away, however you'll never conquer your fear unless you take it by force."

Virgil grunted. Gordon did rule his sex life it was true but seeing John hogtied like this at the expense of a physical demonstration was a little over the top.... but then he was desperate. He had been with Gordon over a year and things had started to slip away from his control.

"Right, so I just take him from behind and then you'll let him go?"

"Yes."

"Right... promise?"

"Of course. I just want you to know what power should feel like."

Virgil looked over John again. He had to admit to himself that the red headed space man and his pale skin did look attractive and even more so when presented like this.

He stripped off his trousers and whispered in John's ear, "I'm sorry but I need to do this... forgive me." and then pushed in hard from behind.

After a few rough thrusts to get started Scott touched Virgil on the shoulder. 

"Tuck your legs in so they sit under the bar."

"Why?"

"Just do it. Your not being forceful enough... it's almost as if you're sorry for him. You shouldn't be. I do this to him twice a week."

Virgil frowned but complied, then Scott sat him back and John was pulled back as well so he was sitting on Virgil's lap and with his back arched as it was, allowed Virgil to penetrate far more deeply. John's head thrashed a little, but only because Scott loosened the collar a little to hand Virgil the leash. 

"As you move, tug it."

"You have got to be kidding!" Virgil's eyes opened wide in horror. "His neck is already forced into a position where he may choke and you want me to pull this and choke him further?"

"Only a little. It's to show him who's boss."

Scott ran his fingers through John's hair as if he was possessed.

"It's alright... he can handle anything."


	2. Brusied

Gordon poked his head in John's room to find it empty. He sighed, a part of him wished John was still lying there asleep. His expression skewed when he realised there wasn't any sheets on the bed. He hunted for the holo recorder and played it and he felt his heart break at the footage, as well as a burning inferno deep inside. He switched it off when Scott had removed the gag to insert his own body in it's place, poor John an unwilling participant without a single option to get out of the whole ordeal.

He should have asked John to stay in his room.

Angrily he stormed down the hall and caught a glimpse of someone on the balcony. 

It was John.

Gordon slowly walked over, afraid that John was walking on thin ice. His brother was sitting there, legs dangling off the balcony ledge vacantly looking off into the distance. He was naked and didn't seem phased. Gordon could see red marks around his neck and bruises gracing his skin the lower he looked. Heck give it a few more hours and John's entire neck was going to look black and blue.

He pulled off his shirt and draped it over his shoulders before sitting beside him. Gordon kept glancing at the damage to his wrists, his ankles.... heck there was marks going between his thighs.

Still, John was impassive. Gordon was impressed a little that he seemed to be holding shit together better than anyone else in that situation would have.

"I shouldn't have let you convince me to leave you alone last night."

Gordon looked up at his brother as the wind blew through the mess of red hair that for once, wasn't neat or tidy... but disheveled, just like he was behind his mask.

"Scott would have hurt me too.... wouldn't he? if I stayed?"

He blinked as John rested his head on his shoulder, still looking off at the ocean.

"I'm really pissed off Virgil went along with it, fuck! He could have spoken to me if I made him feel that way... not seeked help from your fucking tormentor. Argh! I'm so fucking mad right now I want to fucking scream!"

"Scream."

"What?"

"Let it out. I want to hear it."

"Dude if anyone here should be screaming, it's you.... fuck why aren't you?"

John shifted and brought Gordon's right hand up in his left and pressed it lightly against the contusions on his neck. Gordon could feel how soft, lumpy and swollen the area was. John was finding it painful to talk, there was no way he could scream out anything that would make his emotions die away.

Gordon's heart pounded hard in is chest as his own emotions bubbled and boiled. Then John did something Gordon had forgotten about with the palm of his hand. He lay it in his right then traced gentle circles in the palm. Gordon found a sense of calm returning just by touch, just as John used to do when he got grumpy till he turned seven and it no longer worked.

Gordon wrapped his arms around him tight. "I want them to stop hurting you! But how?"

"Virgil won't."

"Huh?"

"He feels regrets. If he lost you... I don't think he'd handle it after last night."

"Yeah well he's not going to get any chances with me anymore. He made his bed - he can fucking lie in it."

"Let me talk to....him first."

"Why?"

"Reasons."

Gordon seemed to mull it over "Ok... but then I get to deal with him."

John nodded. He wasn't going to stop Gordon from whatever he was intending.

"What do we do about Scott though? I'm worried you end up dead by mistake with what he's doing."

John whisped something in his ear.

"Oh fuck really?"

"Yes"

"I may need help setting that up John."

"Leave that to me."

"You sure?"

"Yes."

Gordon gave John a smile. "I think I can handle Scott if he's in no position to fight back."

"He won't be. I'll damn make sure."

Gordon hugged John again. "Whatever happened to us just hanging out talking about pranks?"

“Grew up?"

"Nah. Had to be something else." He frowned as he noticed the skin around John's neck starting to change colour. He grabbed him lightly by the arm and tugged. "Let me fix that, please?"

John stood to his full height and Gordon wasn't sure if his heart was racing because of how attractive his brother was or because he was still fuming over the amount of damage that had been done to his body

He wrapped an arm around his waist and lead him to his bedroom where he sat him down on the bed and hunted for a container of aloe vera cream to rub lightly into the bruises. John barely let out a whimper as he touched some of the more serious ones and was surprised that he was almost purring when he started on the neck and the very top of his shoulders.

"Hey John... does he ever really touch you in a good way or is he always rough with you?"

"Neither. He doesn't touch me at all unless it's to tie me or fuck me. We're not together. I don't want a part of it.... but there isn't anyone who'd love me in the first place so it's an alternative... but it doesn't mean I like it."

"Wait... you mean you just let him do this to you?"

"Define 'let' Gordon. If...if he didn't hurt me than yeah.... I guess I would. it would mean someone loved me. That's why you have Virgil isn't it? Because you love each other? If Scott...."

He took a deep breath and shook his head a little. "It doesn't matter. It turns out no one would want me the same way I want to love, spoil and give affection to another. I have to accept that."

"That isn't true John."

"Gordon, there is no way someone will ever want me - not after this, not ever." John wrapped his arms around himself tight and leaned forward. "No... too broken now."

Gordon sighed. What was there to say? After what he was going to tear into Virgil for his own relationship he thought was unbreakable was going to be in pieces. He wasn't going to be looking for a relationship after that either... was going to be hard to build that trust with someone again. 

"Gordon?"

“Yeah?"

"I'm sorry. I wish I could fix what you had with him. I don't want the love you guys have to end because of Scott and me."

“Oh.... I wouldn't worry. It's been heading that way for a while. I think that's why Virgil was looking for advice.... but in the wrong place. No, I don't blame you in any of that... after what Scott does to you, Virgil wanting attention off you is something I'd want because I'd be desperate for an emotional connection too." he patted the bed. "I'll grab you some of my clothes and you just rest here for a while. We'll deal with this mess together, later. I promise." He kissed him in the cheek before getting up to grab some clean clothes, check his bedroom door was locked and once John was covered, lay beside him in the bed just holding him for comfort till he had fallen asleep safe in his arms. Gordon then took another look at John's neck and decided there had to be something he could do to hide it for a while.

He got up and rummaged through his mess of a bedroom until he found it, the box with John's birthday present inside. Gordon had got it early since his brother was turning 25 and for such a milestone, needed something special. He remembered talking about it with Alan and Kayo as they were planning to give him tickets for a cruise, but Gordon could see the holes in that plan - for a start his brother wouldn't go on it alone like they would or he wouldn't be able to find anyone to accompany him. They still got them anyway so Gordon had to really think of something he'd realistically like... but what do you get a guy who's hardly around to see what he does for hobbies anymore? Gordon then remembered John liked jewelry, a shiny gold ring was always on his fingers and sometimes a flash of silver was seen under his shirts.

He had bought a solid silver choker, one that was chunky but wasn't tight. Gordon new they were roughly the same in size for most things with the exception of clothes and shoes so he knew if it was comfortable for him to wear, then John could too - but that's not where Gordon sunk in all his money....

 

The most expensive part was securely attached to dangle off the choker. it was custom made from black and white opal and it sparkled like the stars. Gordon spent a long time finding someone in Cooper Pedy who would make it. The black opal was the sea, the white was all the countries of the globe, all shaped into a beautiful orb of the earth. After all the expensive, lavish gifts John got them over the years... or in Gordon's case- thrill trips - Gordon felt like something was owed.

He carefully put the choker around John's neck, careful not to agitate the already damaged skin. It shone, just like his brother's personality. Gordon then kissed his forehead and buried himself into his arms, as he also needed to feel some security and John arms no matter how old he got or how closer he was to Virgil they were always the most secure place to be.


	3. Payback

Virgil sat up tall when he saw John enter his bedroom, dressed in what he would have seen as sexy clothing, but for John was just loose comfort wear.

Virgil swallowed. He still held guilt from the other night and had avoided everyone... that is till now.

"Got a minute Virgil?"

"Uh sure, any time for you." he closed the door behind John and then hesitated. "Look about the other night-" he started to say but stopped when John leaned over his desk by the window.

"My, these are detailed."

"Uh yeah, those are my miniatures. I only paint them when I know they'll dry quickly."

"There very impressive."

Virgil tugged at his shirt. John sounded like he was purring and after his position the other night, he looked too sexy for Virgil to ignore. He watched him stand back straight and roll his shoulder as if it was stiff and sore.

"Can you rub my shoulders for me? Your hands are stronger than Scott's."

Virgil took a deep breath and sat behind John on the edge of his bed.

"Where's it tight?"

John indicated around his neckline that was hidden by a high buttoned shirt collar.

"Right." he said as he started to apply pressure with his fingers.

"Mmmm..." John purred.

"John about the other night... I wanted to say-"

"That you'd rather not of had Scott telling you want to do? Yeah he gets a little 'possessive'...but what he said.... about my body..." John's hands were loosening the shirt collar buttons where Virgil couldn't see. "If Scott says it's your to do whatever you like, then it's yours. Be lucky he's offered to share... he thinks watching me with someone else is a turn on."

“Does he really?"

"Yes. I'm his bitch, I do anything he pleases."

Virgil's hands turned from massaging to wandering around John's back with sexual intentions. He nuzzled and licked his ears.

"Then let's not mess about, hey John? You clearly came to me for sex."

"You caught me. I want to taste what you're like, feel you inside me again.... you're like a drug for me."

Virgil started pulling at John's shirt, desperate to remove it...

He sat back in horror when the shirt dropped around John's shoulder blades. John smiled to himself, aware that Virgil was mortified and was afraid to touch him now the injuries were all exposed.

"What's wrong Virgil? Don't like what you did to me last time?" he continued to purr sexually. 

Virgil scrambled off the bed to get away, but walked right into Gordon, who was in the doorway. 

"What's a matter Virgil? Don't like the damage you did?"

"Gordon I can explain!"

Gordon pushed Virgil back onto the bed, poking him hard in the chest.

"There's nothing to explain." he held up a mini holo projector and played a little bit of footage, much to Virgil's terror.

"The fact you'd think that's ok to do to John behind my back when he's clearly unwilling to be in that position to want it? Yeah... sure Virgil - like this was ever going to stay a secret from me when I know what Scott really gets up to. I'm sorry Virgil, but we're finished."

John got up and stood behind Gordon, adjusting his shirt, but leaving his neck exposed so Virgil could see how extensive the bruising was before he clicked Gordon's silver choker around it.

"My body - hell John's too - isn't your toy. You don't deserve that privilege. You threw it away." Gordon then hit him, shook out his wrist before taking John's hand and walking out with him, leave Virgil to wallow in what he had done. maybe in time they'd forgive him but for the moment he was truly in the dog house.

 

Scot awoke and shifted around uncomfortably. something was sticking into him in a place where it's wasn't comfortable... in fact it was invasive. He tried to look but his head was stuck in a position where he couldn't move come to that, so where his hands.

A light flicked on to reveal where he was... in the gym, strapped down against the hobby horse.

"Shit, I haven't gagged him yet!"

"What the fucks going on?! " Scott growled as he tried to fight his bonds. "Fucking let me go right now or I'll make you regret it!"

"No...I don't think so. You’re staying put... at least till John says so."

Gordon stepped into view, looking really smug. he glanced into the dark and nodded. He wasn't alone. 

It slowly sunk in that he was in a lot of trouble.

"Till John says so huh?" 

"Yep. Virgil's watching too... though from a safer distance - he's a little scared of us now... and so he should be. he got off lightly." Gordon glared into the dark again, this time in another direction.

"If anything you're getting less than you deserve, ‘cause you should be locked up for rape.... But hey, John's more forgiving than you give him credit for."

Scott swallowed. " Just what are you planning to do?"

"Me? Nothing. John however..."

Scott felt something brush him from behind and the sound of a vacuum cleaner. he couldn't see a damn thing back there but he yelped as the vacuum cleaner hose end was stuck to his cock, sucking him into the tube. "Holy shit!" he yelled in pain. Gordon's eyes were wide. he hadn't expected John to do THAT to Scott.... but then after talking to John about the stuff Scott had done to him over a period of two years... Gordon expected something rather unkind.

Then without warning, John held up a vibrating toy with studs all along its length and pushed it in where the sun doesn't shine, getting another holler of pain. disgusted that he had to touch Scott at all, John held out his hands for Gordon to squirt sanitiser on them... though it was probably never going to be enough.

John didn't even give Scott a second glance... he just walked away, cleaning his hands off of his abuser. unfortunately they still had to work together so it wasn't worth going overboard.

Gordon asked, "So how long?"

"Till the batteries die. Then Virgil can free him... they last four hours - hopefully that's enough."

Then he stepped out of the light along with Gordon, leaving Scott to suffer.

 

"So... what are you going to do now?" Gordon asked, sitting beside him at the kitchen table. John was watching Kayo and Alan being silly by the pool.

“Kayo and Alan saw the bruises... so like you they gave me my birthday present early."

"Do they know?"

"No. Kayo suspects though. It won't take her long to figure it out. things are going to be weird around here between the four of us for sometime... maybe between me and Scott for good."

"That's going to be a kicker."

"Yeah, but won't matter for two weeks. Going on that Cruise from Budapest to -" his brow furrowed. "I forget.... point is I'm not going to give a damn."

"Fair enough."

"Want to come? Spare ticket... I'd love the company."

Gordon smiled. "That sounds nice. sure, I'll come. Maybe we can pick up some pretty ones while we're on the boat?"

John kissed Gordon on the forehead. "Sounds like a plan my wing man."

“Thank you Gordon, for everything." John hugged him tight.

"No, thank you for giving me my brother back."


	4. Cruise ship

Gordon hopped from one foot to the other excitedly, The boat they were about to board was HUGE. as his first time in a cruise ship, he was more than just a little over enthusiastic over the whole affair. He looked at John and gave him the biggest smile followed by armours hug.

"Thank you for inviting me to tag along!"

"It's no problem Gordon. I doubt I could be here all on my own... there's so many people..."

"I looked it up on the internet, it's not just some fancy ocean hotel, it's like a fucking huge floating city! how do you expect people to want to get off and explore the destinations you arrive at when you have everything you could ever want on the damn ship!"

"heh I know right?"

Gordon watched his sibling, John was clearly out of his depth on the dock surrounded by so many people. he had done his best to hide the bruises in his body that were still highly livid - around the neck especially - from what he was recovering from.

Gordon felt sorry for him, as he still had to cover up unable to dress in the right clothes for summer.

he reached out and gave his hand a squeeze. "Hey, it's ok to feel uncomfortable. you don't get off the space station much let alone anywhere near the mainland. I'm here though if it's ever too much."

John gave Gordon a relieved smile. "Thanks Gordon. I may have to take you up on that offer a bit in these two weeks... if that's fine with you."

"yeah, it's perfectly alright." Gordon returned the smile. in a way he was more than happy to oblige, a part of him still angry that his other brothers mistreated him and Gordon felt obligated to protect one of two brothers he could openly say he treasured without cringing.

the idea that he couldn't trust Scott or Virgil anymore hurt something painful. sure, he'll forgive Virgil eventually - he had to as they worked together nearly all the time - but with Scott... that trust had been broken beyond repair. the fact John had to forgive both of them made him sick in the guts. Scott would get away with what he did and sure Virgil was kicking himself and would never do it again.... but the possibility that Scott might was what still burned the fire of disdain in Gordon's heart. he didn't realise he was squeezing John hand tightly at the thought until his brother kissed his forehead and pulled his hand free with a chuckle.

"seems like I'm not the only nervous one huh?"

"heh, sorry John. my mind was elsewhere"

"That's alright. this is supposed to zone us out right? to feel pampered and spoiled?"

"heh, indeed!"

"shall we board and find our cabin?"

Gordon felt warm and a glow of happiness couldn't be denied on his tanned complexion. He kept forgetting they were sharing a two bed cabin with its own bathroom and living quarters. Kayo said it was like a motel room, nothing to get excited over however since Gordon had never stayed in one before it had incredible novelty value.

Being this close to John for two weeks - maybe they could get to know each other again. work put so much distance between them there was times even he began to think of his brother as a machine and not a person. that notion had to go.... as that's part of why he suspected Scott found it easy to abuse him in private.

when you removed the humanity from a person.... what do you do with what's left?

Gordon wondered if counseling for Scott was going to be enough.

John gave the porter their tickets and the man gave them the keys to their cabin along with a map to where it was and on which deck it was located. it took over an hour to find it, Gordon gratefully dropping all his gear on the floor and flopping on one of the beds. he could feel that it was comfortable but also the vibration from the ship's motors. he wondered if he could honestly sleep with that constantly for the entire trip and sighed. you couldn't have everything.

"So John, what's the plan? we going to explore the whole ship?"

He looked over at his brother who had started to rummage through his own belongings for a change of clothes into something more comfortable. "Well," he started to say as he started stripping out of his long sleeve shirt, "we have two weeks and this place is kind of massive.... I was thinking maybe we start exploring properly tomorrow? maybe today we just chill out a little, look around the deck before dinner... that sort of thing." 

Gordon glanced down briefly as the shirt came off and exposed all of John's skin and the bruises that were seemed like permanent reminders that John's body was indeed in need of someone to love and care for it. he found himself mentally tracing his fingers around the silver choker he gave him to wear, to caress those long collar bones.... he swallowed and waited till John had pulled on a V neck t-shirt before looking again. He wasn't ready to love another... not yet and certainly not someone who needs time to mend from wounds.

"I mean looking at that map of the ship I reckon we could cover a little bit at a time and find stuff to enjoy that's different every day."

Gordon wanted to say the idea was dumb, but truth was it was the most logical thing to do to prevent boredom on the trip. secondly, this was afterall his brother's birthday gift from Kayo and Alan - his birthday falling somewhere in the first week of the trip - so Gordon was his guest and his company.

"Sounds like a plan." 

"I hope so. been ages since we've gone on a holiday. I want to make it count."

John walked around and flopped beside him to cuddle. "Thank you for coming with me."

Gordon then looked down to where his brother's head was buried into him and was reminded again that John was human and not a hologram. John was crying silent tears into his Hawaiian shirt, the first ones since Scott forced Virgil with guilt to hurt him. sure, he had cried earlier that day into Gordon's shoulder for another Scott encounter - but since then John had held himself pretty well together when most other people wouldn't have. 

Gordon didn't want to imagine this without him there. the thought that John could have come in his own and had broken down all alone put all sorts of fears into his head.

he wrapped his arms around him and buried his face into those flame red and gold locks. suddenly exploring the ship didn't seem important anymore.


	5. Tension

Gordon waited till John took of his shirt off before he started to rub the aloe vera cream into the bruises. they looked so painful and yet the colours contrasted so vividly against the skin and the light smatter of freckles - no, Gordon would dare think of John like that. these horrible things had to go.

He froze when he heard a soft purring noise. 

"John?"

"huh? did I do something wrong?"

"What? no - no.... were you... enjoying that?"

"Uh.... are you going to be angry if I say yes?"

Gordon looked mortified but thankfully sitting behind his brother meant he couldn't see his face.

"Well normally yeah you're supposed to... I mean cause I'm touching bruises.... I guess... it's a little weird."

"Uh. then I'm sorry... I will try not to."

Gordon let out a soft worried sigh. "Hey has anyone ever...like you know - touched you?" he realised what that sounded like and was quick to add, "Not like Scott ok! just... I dunno... like when you cuddle me when I've had a shitty rescue.... but I dunno..." he gave up. How do you talk about intimacy with someone still clearly dealing with the marks still alight on their body from sexual assaults?

"You... when you first tried to make the swelling go down."

"J-John..."

"Is... is that wrong Gordon?"

"So wait, even when Virgil-"

"just you Gordon."

"Oh... so you...."

"Scott never touched me like a lover and Virgil.... I guess might have but quite frankly I haven't got a clue what the difference is and then... " John shivered. "I just liked how gentle you were and I'm sorry. I doubt lovers treat one another as softly and hesitant as you are touching me anyway so.... look I'll just do it myself if it's easier, the ones on my back can do without the stuff...."

Gordon was quick and rested his weight in John's shoulders so he sat back down.

"I want to, ok? I just wanted... wanted to know if you thought it felt nice... I just said it wrong."

"Yeah... it felt nice Gordon. Look, I'm sorry about you and Virgil ok? You're probably still trying to get over him and let's face it... I look like a fucking punching bag in comparison. I'm not as sexy looking either... you two together..... the way your bodies moved with such harmonies... fuck I wish I could do that with someone."

Gordon rested his head on John's back.

"Yeah... I sort of do miss him...but I'm not looking to go back or find a replacement either. I want someone new to love who will appreciate me."

"I'm sure you will Gordon. hey those guys you were talking to while I ordered dinner.... they were pretty handsome."

"Oh them? yeah friends on a trip of a life time... the blonde one was adorable."

John laughed. "the really fit guy?"

"No... the tall slender one that had his arm around the short stocky brunette."

"Ah, the one with the tattoos?"

"Yeah."

"Should ask him on a date."

"And what, leave you alone?"

"I can survive Gordon, really. I said this could be a great opportunity to meet another lover didn't I?"

Gordon listened to the beat of John's heart and swore it had slowed. This talk about other guys should be a happy one - so why was John's heart rate not as excited as his voice sounded about it?

"You seen anyone you like so far?"

"Maybe. I might have to consider a few things before chasing after anyone though."

"Ah yeah... you look a mess..."

"Heh thanks for the reminder... no the one I've got a crush on looks already involved with someone."

"Oh?" Gordon sat up. "Which one?" There had been several of them Gordon had spoken to and he didn't consider John who kept glancing at them while in the food ordering que may have also saw someone he liked.

"It doesn't matter. punching bag remember? One look anyone will be put off. Doesn't mean you can't try fishing though, Gordon. At least one of us should get something out of this trip."

John breathed deeper. "Besides... I could tell they deserve far better than my broken body anyway. Sometimes you just know these things. Still doesn't mean I can't admire how beautiful they looked in all those bright clashing colours that glowed against their tanned skin, think about how they style their hair in a way that looks like ocean waves even though it's the colour of sand that's starting to dry after being kissed by the tide coming in... the way their muscular but still slender frame moved under those loose clothes...." John coughed. "Yeah... no Gordon... I don't think I could tell that handsome bloke that he looks as gorgeous as I think he is without them thinking about a few things first."

Gordon tried to think who out if those guys matched that description... unless John had been looking elsewhere at the time.

"So you think I should seek them out and ask them on a date?"

"Why not, couldn't hurt. You could go do it now, last we saw of them was in that arcade by the claw machines. Maybe they're still there?"

Gordon gave john a tight hug. "I'll be back really quick!"

Gordon scrambled off the bed and dashed out of the cabin, full of excitement.

John sat in silence, smiling as he finished off tending to his bruises, then brushed his teeth in the little one person bathroom.

Sometimes he was glad his brother's were a little on the dense side. 

Looking up he caught his reflection and his heart sank. The necklace over the top of the bruising... the shiny beacon of love for him as a brother reminded him that Gordon deserved better. John had eventually realised there was more to that piece of jewelry before this trip started by the way Gordon was acting and John was in no doubt if all that stuff didn't happen - Gordon would have ended his relationship with Virgil on his own accord anyway... but because of everything natural progression didn't happen and Gordon broke it off before it was time to... leaving him still trying to fill the hole that he suddenly left wide open.... and John knew Gordon had some feelings towards him.... he couldn't let Gordon fall for him - that wouldn't be fair.

Standing in the line to order at the bistro gave John time to think. This was Gordon's chance to meet a real person to be his future lover- not settle for a brother because there was no other options open to him... the twenty one year old deserved so much better than that... hell they all did. Maybe it was fixable with Virgil too and preventable when the time comes for Alan..which should be around about now....

John knew he didn't have a hope if he couldn't find anyone to click with on this trip. His life did not offer things like this enough to try looking into relationships without sounding desperate. Dad had warned him about how much it would affect his life being the communications life blood for IR.... and at the time John brushed it aside as the opportunity to live in space was far more interesting to a nineteen year old John who was sick and tired of being taken to boring rich people parties in hopes that he could be married off to some poor woman who only loved him for money.

Right now that was a better alternative - and it scared him. 

Well it should have. standing in that line watching Gordon flirt with those really attractive guys.... John suddenly felt possessive in a way he never felt before. Sure naturally you want to protect your siblings.... but wow that - that was new. John wanted to rush over there, stand behind Gordon and stare them off like his brother was some kind of lover he wanted to keep to himself. 

If John was feeling like that over Gordon, then he didn't deserve to be his brother... and it also showed John couldn't love a person who wasn't family.

John knew he was broken more than just physically - mentally and sexually too. If Scott couldn't be fixed like his other brothers he'd have to strike up a deal with the devil - as even Scott needed some level of hope.

John traced his bruised collar and thought about how much hatred of him as a person lead to those wounds. Scott never wanted a relationship, he just wanted John to suffer. Maybe that's all he was good for? John closed his eyes. That couldn't be... he deserved better than being raped and beaten didn't he? He gave everything his best, looked after everyone when he could.

But that means nothing when you will never be loved for who you are.

Gordon scoured the arcade and spotted the group of guys he saw earlier at dinner. His heart was going a mile a minute. What was he going to do? He'd have to get the guy alone before he could consider asking.

Why the hell did he listen to John?

Because John was right. Gordon needed to take a chance.

He caught his nervous reflection in the glass of a crane game cabinet and did a quick check to make sure his hair as in place, no food in his teeth... 

He walked two steps before going back to his reflection, this time staring back at himself with a stunned realisation.

John wasn't checking out those guys at all in the bistro. The guy with the tan, bright clothes and hair like the sand and the waves at the beach was staring him in the face.

Gordon snuck back inside the cabin, aware that John might be asleep. He was a little surprised to see the light over his bed still on, but with the open book lying beside him it was clear John had dozed off unintentionally.

Gordon reach over him to get to the light switch and had to catch his breath. John was back dressed in that loose V neck and the way it revealed his shoulders and collar almost made him pee himself with how attractive it looked.

God... if John told him outright he was perving on him earlier.... 

Gordon had been having a hard time looking past the damage to John he didn't think to wonder if his brother had other things about him that made him such an appealing target for Scott.

Sure he wouldn't understand what went on in his eldest brother's head but even he had to admit John was pretty elegant in his looks and body shape which gave a weird sexy feminine vibe, Completely opposite to Virgil's strong manliness.

Gordon flicked the light and cuddled into the bed beside John. Sure he could have gone for that guy... but he knew where his heart was really reaching out for. maybe... John would come around.

 

"So did you ask him?"

"Huh? ah no... got nervous. If you asked one out too I'd probably not chickened out."

"Give me time... I think I just might. need to move on right?"

John stepped out of the bathroom and Gordon had to rein himself in. his brother was dressed in a open short sleeve shirt over a singlet and shorts that barely poked out from under them. Gordon was impressed with how good he looked in purple and green - it really set off his hair colour like fierce fire.

"What do you think? You guys always tell me I dress worse than grandma and her tracksuits so..."

"Wow are you sure you should show so much skin?" Gordon blurted out without thinking. "You're so pale people might think you've never been outside!"

John frowned. "What's with you Gordon? You're all funny about it... I can change -"

"What no, you look good it's just...you look confronting."

"Ok now you've really lost me Gordon." Then it dawned... John was showing all of his bruises off. "Is it that bad? I mean I'm used to seeing you guys covered in them and sure mine are not from saving people's lives but hell I can't hide them forever. Is that's what this is about?"

Gordon scratched his head nervously. "A little bit."

"What do you want me to do Gordon? I can't hide in this cabin all trip, fuck if i'm that shameful to look at then why are you telling me to ask some sexy stranger out? I don't understand - you're making no sense to me."

"well no I just thought-"

"Just thought? Seriously if it bothers you you can do things on your own today, I'd be ok with that.... but shit Gordon this - this shit is on my body. If -if I can't get past the idea that I'm no better than this...... not worth more than this shit then what is the point of me? I live in the dark shadows of everyone's lives like I'm a horrible secret. This is what all THESE are, they're because I'm someone's dirty little secret. I'm sick of being thought of as something people should be ashamed of." John pinched his brow, grabbed his wallet and his copy of the cabin key and started to walk out, pausing at the door looking back at Gordon dejected. "I thought you were different. Guess I was wrong." 

Gordon swore once the door had closed and John had gone. Fuck him and his big stupid mouth. John was probably going to avoid him the rest of the day, maybe most of the trip now.


	6. Desperate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter written by Lady Exquinox

Scott flopped down angrily at the breakfast table, spilling Virgil's coffee everywhere. 

"Damn Scott, you look horrible." 

He merely grunted. He still fucking hurt down there. And God damn it, it made him even hornier than usual. The fact that John wasn't around for him to take advantage of only made his frustrations worse. He eyed Virgil, knowing that they were the only ones on the island made him wonder if...

"What? Why you looking at me like that for? I got something on my face?" Virgil squirmed under Scott's intense gaze. He couldn't stand it, and got up to leave.

Scott wasn't going to let him go so easily, he tugged on his sleeve, and enveloped Virgil in a fierce kiss, pulling desperately at his top.

"The hell?" Virgil cried, stunned as he pushed Scott off him. 

"What? Don't say you're not wanting some action? How long since you had any since that lousy fuck with John?" Scott spat out angrily. "Gordon can't even look at you after that, so don't act like you're getting any from him either." He was angry and right now he was going to take it out on the nearest person, Virgil. 

He pinned him against the wall, "Come on Virgil. You know you want this."

Again he shoved Scott away - Virgil was stronger than his brother - he wasn't going to let him have his way with him, like he did John. "Fuck you Scott! I may be horny but unlike you, I'm not desperate. Besides, what would you know about making love? All you know is to show your dominance. That's not what it's all about!" Virgil said angrily, thinking back to the times he had explored Gordon's body in the back of his sub.

Surprisingly, Scott softened "Then show me..." he begged, crumpling into a defeated heap at his feet. 

Virgil stooped, frankly he needed a physical touch just as much as Scott did right now. He knew he was going to regret this later but what the hell? He'd deal with the consequences later.

He bent down on his knees and kissed Scott slowly. Tender and soft, just like the way Gordon had been so gentle with him, all those times before. He cradled his head with his hands, touching him softly. He straddled himself across his lap, and delicately nuzzled on his ear. Licking and sucking on his ear lobes, Scott gasped not used to such a gentle touch.

Virgil's hands traveled down Scott's neck, caressing and tracing every vein along the way. He reached to pull his shirt off, continuing his deliberate touch all over his chest, sometimes lingering longer when responded with Scott’s soft moans. He rained soft kisses all over his strong lean upper body, stopping occasionally to reward him with teasing licks as Virgil enjoyed him squirming under his touch.

Scott's hands worked to undo Virgil's pants. Reaching down, his touch for once gentle, stroked and caressed his hard erection. He gasped a little when Scott got a little too hard handed. He pushed him on his back and slowly teasing worked to take off Scott's shorts with deliberately slow motions with his teeth. His back arched with pleasure, his mind begging for Virgil to stop teasing him. 

He pushed Scott's legs slightly apart and knowing his previous injury, as gently as he could he could, entered slowly but methodically inside him. 

Fuck! It stung! But it also gave him a heightened sense of things, and his body tingled with goosebumps. From pain or pleasure, he didn't know nor cared. 

Virgil slowly worked into a steady rhythm, delicately moving his hips to match the beat of his own racing heart. His hands massaged Scott's inner thighs, to relax and open him further, all the while as Scott fought to keep his moans from growing louder. 'Was this how sex was supposed to feel?' he thought to himself. 

Virgil guided Scott's hands to his own throbbing member, "Hold." he commanded, "Touch yourself as if I'm the one touching you..." he whispered seductively in his ear, still slowly rocking deep within him. 

Scott did as he was told and Virgil's constant rocking thrusts made his grip slip sometimes and it was driving him mad. He reached up with the other hand to touch him. Virgil took his fingers and suckled tenderly on it, eliciting more groans from Scott.

"This... is how you should love someone..." Virgil leaned in and whispered again into Scott’s ear. "Not by pronouncing dominance, by showing the respect your partner's body deserves." 

He leaned into him and wrapped his arms around Scott's neck, as he gently pushed in for a final burst. Shaking and wreathing together, their bodies dancing in agile motions, they collapsed into one another, messy and fervidly. 

Virgil sat up slowly. He didn't regret what he just did but a part of him still felt like he was cheating on Gordon. Scott didn't know, but all this while, he had been imagining that he was Gordon. He didn't deserve that. Not when he knew he was just craving someone to love him.

Scott wasn't quite ready to let Virgil go. He nuzzled him close, as he left tender butterfly kisses on his neck and lips. Already he was learning what Virgil had shown him, and he was hoping to return the favor...

Virgil felt utterly disgusted with himself. He was no better than what Scott had done to John. He gathered his clothes and left, leaving Scott to wonder his sudden departure.


	7. Calling the devil

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> John - Me  
> Scott & Virgil - Lady equinox

John stood on the deck watching the boat bob up and down on the ocean. So much for exploring with someone... there was little fun to be had on a cruise on your own. 

He pulled a holo phone from his shorts pocket and called home.

Scott picked up the incoming call, not checking to see who it was that calling. "John?" He was the last person he expected to call. After all, he was supposed to enjoying himself on the cruise with Gordon. He couldn't deal with him, not after being dumped unceremoniously after the mind blowing sex he just had with Virgil. He angled the call, so John couldn't see that he was still sitting naked on the dining room floor.

"Hey Scott... how's things at home? " not that John cared what Scott was up to - but slowly he was beginning to feel as if he had no choice.

Scott sighed as he rubbed his face wearily, "What do you want, John? Called to gloat about how much fun you're having? Getting lots of action?" He snapped angrily, all thoughts still thoroughly occupied with Virgil's back walking away.

John realised this was a bad idea. "What action? So far Gordon's the one attracting all the attention, they seem to adore him. People just avoid me, but hey thanks to you and Virgil's bang up job I'm going to be doing most of this holiday solo so..." He looked sad about that fact but there was no point lying. Scott could see the state of his skin even through a washed out holo-picture.

“I…” Scott tried to apologise when he saw the colourful bruising left behind on John’s pale skin, but apologising never came easy to a man with Scott Tracy’s pride. “Look… I’m fucking sorry ok? There, that's what you wanted to hear? Listen John, I really can’t deal with this right now… If you're looking to pick a fight, I say we do this some other time.” All he wanted to do right now was seek Virgil out, find out why he had walked away after...

John looked hurt but then, what else had he expected? He felt stupid that he was calling in the first place... to talk to his tormentor to try and work things out. No sane person would however John knew that either way it didn't matter if he gave Scott permission to do as he pleased when he got back... it just meant that John would feel like he made a choice - even if it was a bad one. "I-I don't want to fight.... I....Scott? What made you do it? Why couldn't you after two years tell me that.... that you just wanted my body for sex? Instead of just beating me and... r-raping me.... why didn't you ask?"

Scott sighed again, but he felt he needed this just as much John clearly needed to hear it from him in order to heal. “I… I liked it, ok? The feeling of power that came from having you however, whenever and wherever I wanted. It… it was addictive. Like a drug I couldn’t get enough of. But each time, the feeling of exhilaration that came with it, grew lesser and lesser. So… I had to get creative…” He never told anyone all this before, why suddenly he was pouring his deepest darkest thoughts to of all people John, he didn’t know. Fuck, Virgil must have messed him up more than he thought. He got goosebumps as he thought back to Virgil’s soft and tender touch. It had given him an experience he never quite had before, so gentle, almost like there was real love there. He wanted more, lots more. He thought dangerously.

"Did.... did you ever.... l-love me?" John swallowed. it wouldn't have mattered if Scott did or didn't really but he wanted to know.

He thought carefully about his answer, did he at any point love John? He didn’t even know the answer himself. “I… I honestly don’t know…” He leaned back against the wall for the strength he didn’t have. “With the way I treated you? Would it matter if I did? I… I really don’t know… All I know was that I wanted you, all of you, not just your body. I wanted it all… and only for me. Every time I saw someone else with you, even if it was just talking, it drove me crazy. I couldn’t stand it. You were mine. I didn’t want to share…” Scott couldn’t believe his own ears, even hearing it from his own voice, he finally realized how much of a demon he truly was. Why John had put up with his antics for as long as he had, without seeking help was beyond him. Heck, he didn’t deserve him, not John and especially not sweet tender Virgil. He was the devil incarnate and he would only engulf those around in those same flames.

John listened carefully before replying.

"That.... I... why couldn't you - you dignify me with any of that after the very first time?" John growled. "Two years of it almost every night I was down off the station! Sometimes all d-day you had me chained up just for - for you t-to..." John fought back tears. "How can you say those things when you tortured me like a animal in a circus cage?! But... but it doesn't matter now as there's not a single person who'd want to touch me! Why... why would anyone want me after what you did!? But it doesn't matter does it - it's either you or be lonely....Fuck Scott, why couldn't you... why couldn't you...." John swore loudly enough that tourists around him stared in his direction and started making comments about his appearance now they had him in their attention. John threw the holo phone overboard into the ocean. He could buy a replacement on board later.

Scott stared at the static screen for a few moments before he eventually ended the call. He utterly deserved that. Even if he tried to make it up to John for the rest of his miserable existence, it will never be enough to repair the damage done. Even as the monster he saw himself for now, Virgil had shown him love? He needed to seek him out. He was going stir crazy just thinking of him. 

He found him in his room, headphones on working on his electronic keyboard. He slowly approached him from behind and lightly tapped him on his shoulder. “Jesus!” Virgil jumped. “Don’t you ever knock?!” 

“Sorry… I er… Can we talk about what happened just now?”

Virgil frowned, not quite ready to have this conversation. “What about?” 

“I… thank you for…” Scott coughed, this was going to much much harder than the call with John just now. “Thank you for showing me what’s it’s really supposed to be… to love someone like that…” He smiled at him. 

Alarm bells rang in his head. What love? He only acted out in his head while imaging Scott was Gordon. His heart raced. Hell, what had he just done? Put impossible thoughts into his head, that’s what. Shit shit shit! It was supposed to be a one off thing, how could he make Scott see that. There was no love between them, it was purely physical that they had seeked each other out like that.

“Scott… I” He didn’t get a chance to finish as Scott enclosed his mouth over his. Damn! Not again! Virgil pushed him away gently. “Scott, let’s not get over excited here ok? It was a one off, right?”

“Oh… right right. Of course.” Scott’s face fell. Virgil was right. How could anyone love the monster he was? He was undeserving. “I...er… I was just trying to thank you. Erm, thanks…” He beat a hasty retreat, his heart beating in his chest and in his ears. What was he expecting anyway? After a show like that, that Virgil had felt something for him, the way his body had shown him? No, nothing more than a mirage along the desert landscape. He walked away, heart heavy, sinking. Now he knew a fraction of what John had said earlier.


	8. It's a date

Gordon eventually found John in one of the restaurants. Upside to his brother planing a basic itinerary, you knew where lunch was going to be.

"Hey, listen... about this morning-"

"Forget about it Gordon. You're right, I look terrible and should cover up. I won't question it next time."

"Sorry John."

"it's ok... I'm... I'm just a little envious how you can talk to random strangers and hit it off just by being yourself. I thought if I was honest about myself I could do the same."

"Well, I wouldn't worry. I found those guys again and they suggested we get to know them over a game of tenpin bowling, tonight after dinner."

"Sounds nice. I'm glad your making friends."

"Hey they asked if you we're coming too, seems like they want to get to know both of us"

"uh ok I dunno... maybe you're better off without me tagging along."

"Huh? How come? Two of them seemed to be interested in you... though maybe that's because I hinted that you're an astronaut."

"What!? Gordon How could you!"

"Look that's what you are right? I didn't lie to them. besides - would give you a conversation starter."

"Gordon I... I don't think I'm ready for any of this."

"Course you are. It's not like you're going to hide in our cabin and call Scott at home cause you think you're unlovable."

John shut his eyes tight.

"You didn't..." Gordon rolled his eyes. "Why?"

"I had to know why he did it, Gordon... if it was my fault or if it was because of him hating me.... I needed to know Gordon."

Gordon placed a hand over John's. "Don't be sorry about that, I'm sure if it was me... I dunno maybe I'd want to know too."

Gordon flashed his award winning smile. "So why did he?"

John took a deep breath. "I think... from what he said.... he... he liked me but.... fuck I still can't believe he’d put me through all that shit because he wanted me to be like a possession, not a lover... a toy....if I meant anything at all..."

"Fucking hellfire John."

"All this time I thought I did something - thought he hated the sight of me and just wanted to punish me....Sorry Gordon I... I can't go with you tonight knowing that's how he thought that was how he had to love me."

"Hey... it's ok." Gordon rubbed his back. "Wish I could fix it all for you."

"That'd be swell, build a time machine too while alone huh?" John joked.

"Maybe. Kinda wish I did."

"Why?"

"As I told those guys you were also my husband."

John almost choked on his lemonade.

"You what?!"

"Actually they assumed it and I couldn't get a word in to correct them so we're not going as brothers - but as husbands."

"Oh fuck me dead"

"Careful I might take you up on that." Gordon warned. They think your parents beat you up over us getting married so... they won't ask questions."

John rested his forehead on the table. "How big did this lie get Gordon?"

"Uh.... a little bit out of hand?"

"Ah... fuggle."


	9. Falling fast

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter by Lady Equinox

They bumped into one another around dinner time, there was a big tropical storm brewing around Tracy Island at the moment, and it seemed that the other family members were unlikely to get home because of said storm, leaving them once again alone on the island.

“So…” “So…” They both started at the same time, and laughed breaking the tension.

“You first.” Virgil suggested.

“I er… wanted to apologize for earlier… I wasn’t thinking and…”

“Forget it, Scott. Water under the bridge now.” Virgil said, as he rummaged through the kitchen cabinets looking for something suitable for their dinner. “Any idea what you want for dinner? We got leftover apple pie in the fridge, frozen pizza… and some mystery cans.” He laughed, at the can with no label in his hand.

“I’m not particularly hungry.” Scott said, *only hungry for you though...*, he thought to himself.

“Yeah, me either. At least not with these options. I’m going to my room to paint. Call me if you need anything yeah?” Virgil said as he turned to walk back to his room.

“Wait…” Scott caught a hold of his wrist. Virgil stopped and frowned, worried where this was heading. “I… thank you for you know, earlier…”

“Scott, stop ok? I told you, water under the bridge. It’s in the past now, let’s leave it there.” turning once again to leave.

Those last words stung. Scott didn’t want it in the past, he wanted Virgil in his future too. But how could he make him see past the mask he’s been hiding for so long? “I…” He gasped as he grabbed Virgil from behind. “Let me show you how grateful I am…”

He buried his head in Virgil’s wide shoulders, as his arm snaked towards the front, and down Virgil’s pants. He gasped at his older brother’s boldness, as he continued to stroke him gently. Damn you Scott! He thought to himself… Not again! Outside the storm raged as fiercely as the beat of their hearts. His hands continue to work at his pants and boxers, till it both dropped at his ankles. He never stopped kissing or stroking him. He was too busy drinking Virgil in, but he hadn’t noticed that this time Virgil didn’t push him away. 

He turned to face Scott, leaning his forehead against his, craving his every touch. He looked into those familiar blue eyes, tinged with so much pain and kissed him fiercely this time. A sudden flash of thunder startled them momentarily, cutting the power to the house, and the emergency lights cast their bodies in an amber glow. 

They looked into each other’s eyes, trying to see any lingering regret or doubt. Scott lead them to the living area couch, before Virgil could change his mind again, and laid him down. He leaned in and kissed him softly, gently. God, he tasted so good! He sat on his erection, and all but rip Virgil’s shirt off, before taking off his own. He gave a long sensuous lick from his belly button right up to his ear, smiling as it drew a long groan from Virgil. He took off his own pants and underwear. 

“Don’t worry…” He whispered into his ear, “I won’t hurt you… Never again… I swear on my life…” Then he slipped into him, eliciting a sharp gasp from Virgil. He grinded slowly, while his hands never stopped exploring Virgil’s toned body. He kissed him over and over again, tasting the bitter coffee and menthol cigarettes he had earlier. He withdrew slowly and just when Virgil thought it was over, gave a final thrust into him. Virgil’s back arched with sudden pleasure, as Scott’s name escaped his lips. Scott gave him everything, and when he was done collapsed on him, their sweaty bodies sticking to each other. “I think… I think I love you, Virgil Tracy…” He whispered softly in his ear, nuzzling and breathing in his musky aftershave. 

Virgil didn’t answer, unsure of what he felt. But his arms returned an answer as he held onto Scott tightly, and they fell asleep on top of each other like this, a tangled mess of limbs.


	10. Baby steps

The evening had been interesting, but luckily they came out of it with new friends. The boys were from cheery old England and were very friendly as well as competitive. 

Gordon had been trying to show them off as a couple, flirting with John here and there and John shly going along with it... at least until Gordon got three strikes in a row.

In the heat of excitement, Gordon lept for John's arms and surprisingly his brother was able to lift him a little off the ground - something he hadn't done since Gordon was tiny. Gordon looked up into that warm glowing smile, one that was all loving and fun - another thing that had been absent since their father vanished. 

Something else unexpected happened too. John kissed him infront of everyone. Sure, it wasn't more than just a quick smooch on the lips but woah, Gordon had to do a double take.

After that, Gordon found he was having more fun trying to guess what his brother was going to do next and then one upping him on public displays of affection. It had become a silent secret game and boy they were both enjoying it.

By the time they had headed back to the cabin, John had his arm around Gordon's shoulder and Gordon had one around his waist, both still talking about the fun they had. Gordon flopped onto his bed and hugged a pillow.

"That was AWESOME!" Gordon giggled childishly. "I don't care that we lost but DAMN! Haven’t had that much fun since High School!"

"Heh yeah that was something else." John chuckled sitting down on the same mattress. "I don't think I can remember ever having fun like that for a long time. thank you Gordon, that's what we really needed to kick this Cruise into gear."

"Hey John?"

"Yeah?"

"Where was that mysterious sun kissed blonde bombshell you liked the other day?" Gordon teased. "I don't recall seeing him tonight"

"Oh he was there." john smiled, not realising Gordon had worked it out. "He looked very much like he was taken by another."

"Wait I think I may have seen him when we left... was he in the arms of a tall very attractive slender redhead?"

"Damn"

"You’re hilarious John, how long did you think you could get away it?"

"Uhhh truthfully? The whole cruise. But I do mean it... you've looked so amazing so at home here..." John blushed. "You've also been so nice to me after everything that's ruined lives at home....and I think this necklace means more than just some birthday gift of random extravagance."

"Sort of. I've always really liked you more than you're supposed to. Want the truth about me and Virgil?"

"Only if you want to share."

"I feel I should after you told me about Scott..only fair." Gordon sat up so he could talk to him properly. "I loved Virgil a lot... still sort of do but I don't think it would have lasted. He was getting bored of me something fierce. He didn't like to play in the end sure he's a passionate fella but....he thought I was childish. It was either do it properly or you get nothing till you act your age. Pfft I'm twenty one, what does he expect from me? I'm not going to write love letters and poetry hell I'd have no idea how to write one! But he liked to paint me and take nude photographs....all this romantic stuff that - that I couldn't do back."

Gordon looked at John and gave him an embarrassed look. "I can't help but want to show how much I love someone by wanting to invite them to play with me... is that so bad?"

"No. Not if you entered into a relationship knowing that. That's... that's sad to hear Gordon. I still think Virgil might still love you... if he was that romantic as you said."

"That's the problem John... I don't quite feel the same way when we're together. I feel like I'm always pretending just to make him happy... which sure you have to sometimes... but it's not fair on either of us. I'm hurting him by just being myself, but then I'm suffocating myself by being such a faker to keep him happy... it's better this way."

John wrapped his arms around him tight. "Hey for what it's worth Gordon, you enjoyed most of it right?"

"Yeah."

"Then don't regret those good bits."

"You're always putting a positive spin on everyone else's problems hey Johnny?"

"I guess. Wish I could do so to mine."

"I'd like to... if you'd let me. Hey, how come you tried getting me to ask that guy out when you knew -"

"Knew you liked me? Yeah Gordon that's an easy one. I think you deserve something better than just settling for a relationship with your brothers - myself included."

"But what about you? Clearly you have interests in me after what you said yesterday."

"Yeah I do. That's why I'm trying to give you another option that's not being with me. I don't think after everything I'd be capable of treating you or anyone with any sort of respect and affection you deserve. Even if none of this stuff happened... I'm not social enough - wouldn't know the first thing about treating someone right."

"You seemed alright to me tonight." Gordon smiled softly, giving John a kiss on the cheek. "As for everything else - let me be the judge of that. I don't want you as a replacement for Virgil either. I want you because you're always putting people first above yourself and I want to be able to be the one person to return that favour if you'll let me try."

Gordon then pulled John into a deep kiss as gentle as he dared and was relieved it was reciprocated in kind.

"I want you John, I want to be that part of you that's been missing for a long time."

"Gordon I- "

"Yes John?"

"I want... I want to be able to give you the love and fun you deserve. I'm not sure if I can.... but I'd die trying if you're still damn determined not to give up on me."

"John... after seeing you like this and how strong you are as a person, giving up on you might be the most hardest thing to ever do."

John pulled Gordon by the shirt and started to kiss him, light and feathery. Right now even if things moved slowly from here... it meant there was still hope that they were no longer floating around in the dark alone.


	11. Mixed signals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter by Lady Equinox

Scott woke up alone, with a blanket draped over him. Wait, did last night really happen? Where was Virgil anyway? He saw a flask of coffee and a note. ‘Went for a run around the island. Breakfast together later? - V’ 

So last night did happen then? Still he worried, Virgil rarely ran outside, preferring the cool comfort of the gym. The fact that he chose to run outdoors, meant that he was troubled and needed to clear his head. Did Virgil regret sleeping with him? He pushed that thought for later, right now he needed coffee. 

Virgil must have reset the power circuits that blew out during the storm last night, the power obviously back on. Where were they going with this? He thought to himself as he poured himself a cup of coffee and sipped it. Straight black, no cream or sugar, just the way he liked it. Virgil knew him well, he smiled to himself. He really didn’t deserve Virgil, all his kindness his thoughtfulness. But damn did he crave him… if he was infatuated with John, he had it a hundred times worse for Virgil. No one had cared to look past his hard exterior, to touch and love him as gently as he had the last two times they slept with each other. There was something about Virgil’s tenderness, that was insatiable. He felt like he was a desert, being finally led to the river’s edge and knowing the sweet relief that came with it. 

He was about to get up and get dressed when Virgil came back into the house. He walked through the open balcony and head straight for the fridge, drinking straight from the milk carton. “Morning…” He frowned when he saw the added weights Virgil had strapped onto both his ankles. This was way worse than he thought, if Virgil was choosing to punish himself physically like this. “How was the run?” He asked, pretending he didn’t notice.

“Fantastic! The air was crisp after the storm last night.” Virgil replied, in between slurps of milk, some of it dripping onto his chin and chest. ‘Damn, that was such a fucking turn on.’ Scott thought to himself. Virgil looking like he was dripping in his cum from last night, and he didn’t have a shred of clothing to hide his rising erection from this scene. He grabbed a nearby pillow, before his body could betray him. 

“I’m headed for the shower. I’d make us some pancakes for breakfast later, when I’m done?” Virgil didn’t wait for an answer, before jogging upstairs to his room.

Scott leaned back into the couch, arms thrown above his eyes. What was this strange power Virgil suddenly held over him? He was utterly confused and very very frustrated. After his boner died, he retreated to his own room for a quick shower too. As the hot water washed over him, his mind raced. Almost all thoughts full of Virgil and his beautiful body in the shower with him. ‘God damn it! Snap out of this man!’ he scolded himself. He couldn’t give himself the hope that anything might continue after yesterday. Virgil had, after all ignored him and pretended nothing of the sort had happened. 

He stepped out the shower, before heading downstairs again. As promised, Virgil was already busying himself in the kitchen making pancakes for both of them. “Hey…” Scott greeted as he slipped onto the kitchen island bar stools. 

“Hey yourself.” Virgil smiled. He was almost done, and distributed the pancakes onto 2 plates. A glass of orange juice for Scott and milk for himself. Scott couldn’t help noticing Virgil had been considerate enough to even remove the orange pulp from his juice for him, since the ones with pulp were the only ones the others ever drank. Fuck you and your damn consideration V~ Scott thought bitterly to himself. Here he was trying to distance himself, and everything Virgil was doing making him fall harder.

Virgil slipped into the bar stool opposite from Scott, and dug furiously into the pancakes. If he didn’t know better, it was like he was trying to wolf down his food, so he could leave… Scott thought to himself. Their fingers touched for a moment, when they both reached for the maple syrup at the same time. An uncomfortable silence fell between them, as they looked at each other. “Go ahead. I’d skip the syrup this time. Won’t want to waste my morning run.” Virgil smiled brightly at him. 

“Oh! I almost forgot.” Virgil got up and grabbed a bowl of blueberries he had left in the sink, after washing it earlier. “You like yours with blueberries, no?” He said, as he grabbed a handful and dropped them onto Scott’s plate, and then helped himself to a mouthful.

Scott balled up his fists and promptly threw his plate on the kitchen floor. “Stop it… Stop with all your little details. What the *hell* are you doing to me? What are we right now, huh? Brothers? Team mates? Friends with fucking benefits?!” He yelled, suddenly furious.

Virgil rolled his eyes, “Whatever Scott, I don’t have to put up with your shit. Forgive me for trying to be nice…” He left the kitchen, leaving Scott to wallow in regret.


	12. Confused

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gordon & John - me  
> Virgil - Lady Equinox

Gordon had been thinking. He needed to do what John had done - call home.

He had a great time with John that night, heck... it was better than old times. They laughed, joked around and to top it off they made out and it was better than stuffing himself full of chocolate at Easter.

He had never kissed Virgil like that. sure they were amazing bouts of passion but with John it wasn't a competition to get at each other's tonsils and to get down each other's pants. Gordon was having too much fun nuzzling, giggling, tickling with John.... fuck it was better than chocolates...and neither of them were that desperate to go further because the teasing was far too good.

that left alot to his imagination too - something Gordon couldn't contain his excitement over. his first time with Virgil... god that was intense, you could probably smell the testosterone from inside the house when they first did it inside Thunderbird four. Gordon could still remember his hands being moved around to prevent exploring him, but then Gordon wanted to play. Virgil wanted to explore him, but only wanted it on his terms. Gordon didn't think much of it at the time - fuck Virgil really gave it everything that day and Gordon was just a willing recipient letting Virgil do as he pleased. but then once Gordon started getting more game and wanted to return that love and affection and it was allowed maybe once or twice but some of the more adventurous ideas were shut down. Gordon though Virgil would have enjoyed being covered in honey and licked clean.... but no.

he didn't regret his time with Virgil, but they were too different to each other to keep it going in a way both would be happy.

someone was eventually going to get hurt. maybe it was better it ended how it did.

he got up and walked outside the cabin to make the call to Virgil's phone.

"Gordon?" Virgil answered. He was certainly not expecting this call. He was sure Gordon would have forgotten about him, with the supposedly good time he was having with John on the cruise ship. "What's up?" he asked, half nervous half excited over the call.

“Oh I've… I've been thinking somethings while I've been here -” Gordon was picking under his fingernails nervously, Virgil sounded happy on the other end and that was going to make this discussion hard. “I'm ready to talk…. about us.”

Virgil swallowed, this was what he was afraid of. He was sure Gordon was calling to end things. After finding out what he did to John, true it was at Scott's encouragement, but he could have stopped it at any time and he didn't choosing his own needs above John's. 

He closed his eyes and sighed. "Yeah... about that... I was kinda expecting this call. Gordon, if it means anything to you at all, I am truly and deeply sorry. Not just to you, but to John as well. I never meant for things to turn out like it did. I'm sorry... really I am. I hope you know that..." he leaned his forehead against his drawing desk, grateful it wasn't a holocall.

“Hey come now Virgil. I think we're over that. John certainly is, he has other shit to deal with than you being manipulated…. you were… weren't you?” Gordon leaned in the door worried that maybe Virgil did those things with intentions he wasn't aware of. “I mean… in the recording I took… you were but the time before that...why - why did you cheat on me Virgil?”

Virgil banged his head on his desk. How could he explain himself to Gordon, when he barely knew the reasons why he had cheated on him?

He sighed, "I... I don't have a reason myself, Gordon. I was weak and desperate... there's no forgiving what I did behind your back. I wish I could take it back what I did, I really do."

“‘Kay… look Virgil, when I said we were over the other day - I meant it. Even if you didn't do those things to John we'd still be having this conversation…. You and me it- it wasn't working. Oh and no, I haven't just gone ahead and slept with John while I'm here if Scott’s been filling your head with bull shit - though it has crossed my mind once or twice - but I wanted to clear this between you and I before I jumped into anything. I've met a few really nice guys on this thing and yeah, things between me and John have been interesting too. I don't know what will happen before we get back, but I'd like to think that whatever I've decided to do you know that I still think about what we did have and what we shared together… and don't regret the good things.”

Gordon sighed, feeling better that was all out in the open. “I know you're sorry and want me to forgive you but I just can't. In one way you made my decision to break it off sooner easier but even I didn't want it like this. You and I are still brothers and work colleagues so we have to come to some mutual point that's workable somehow.”

Virgil winced at that comment, should he confess that he had already slept with Scott ‘twice’ even before they had officially ended? No, no point hurting him more than he already had. He only hoped Scott would be able to keep his mouth shut and not use that to rub it in Gordon's face. 

"I don't regret us either, Gordon." He smiled through the tears, as the memories flooded him. "Thank you for everything. You er... enjoy the rest of the trip ok? Can't wait to hear all about it when you get back... I er... I got to go, talk to you later." He ended the call hastily before Gordon could reply, and broke down.

He was broken inside, he did this. He threw them away the moment he approached Scott with his problem. The worst part? Gordon thought he had only cheated on him that time, but he was wrong, he'd slept with Scott since then too. The fuck was wrong with him? He felt deeply ashamed that he was so untrustworthy.

He hoped in time Gordon would be able to forgive him, that their relationship as brothers wasn't beyond repair. He hoped he would be able to find someone worthy of his love and affection, even if that someone were to be John.

How long he sat there crying, he had no idea. He cried till he was spent, and he fell asleep curled up in a ball at the foot of his drawing desk.

Gordon sighed as the phone went dead. This… this was a good thing he was doing, wasn't it? Not giving Virgil a second chance?

Then why did he feel like he was the monster?

No Gordon wasn't at fault but damn Virgil knew how to play him like a piece of music. He wondered how long ago he should have ended the relationship and the amount of times he was made to rethink that yeah, things can work out when they clearly were not.

Stepping back in the cabin Gordon smiled as he watched John yawn and stretch, patting around the mattress as if he was searching for Gordon, who had been cuddling him before he awoke.

Gordon let out an amused snort. Virgil never did that, not once did he seek Gordon out as he dreamed. He wandered back over to the bed and brushed John's hair a little before kissing his forehead and getting back up to shower. He needed one badly after that phone call.

A hand reached out and grabbed his shirt. Gordon looked down into a pair of very worried but relieved eyes.

“Called home didn't you?”

“Yeah, like you did… I needed to know. Truth is I think I know less now than I did before. John, is it wrong that I won't give him a second chance? Am I moving into a new relationship too fast? Was it really Virgil’s fault at all but really it was all mine for feeling like a liar just for his own happiness? I feel more confused about things than I did before I called him.”

John sat himself up. “I can't tell you how you should feel, Gordon. If you want to give him another chance I wouldn’t stop you from doing so.” John touched Gordon on the cheek. “I know you still love him.”

“Not in that way, I'm pretty sure that has long died.” Gordon reached for John's hand and held the palm against his face. “I'm so used to feeling guilty that I can't make him happy I guess knowing he's probably broken down makes me want to try and fix it and I’d be back to where I started, pretending to be something he wants…. Something I'm not.”

Gordon wasn’t aware that he was crying till John's other hand brushed his face to remove the tears.

“Hey, it's alright to feel like that. You know before I spoke to Scott…. I was considering that even if I was going to be nothing but a toy that offering myself over was better than having nothing at all?”

“Wait - seriously? You were going to just hand yourself over?”

“Yeah. I'm glad I didn’t. The call reminded me of how unimportant I really was to him. However Gordon, if you gave Virgil another chance I'd understand.” John kissed him on the lips before continuing. “I’m falling in love with you but I already know what it's like to not have it returned. I don’t want you to pretend to be anything but yourself for me as you would ask the same respect back. If you still really love Virgil my feelings for you won't change, just be put aside knowing that we both did the right thing. For once Gordon, do what makes you happy and not one of us.”

“I need another day to think about it.”

“Take as long as you have to.”

Gordon wrapped his arms around John tight and really started to cry. What was he to do?


	13. Drunken blows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Virgil - Lady Equinox
> 
> John and Gordon - me

He had three options and he wasn't sure he wanted them. The easiest one was to wash his hands of both his brothers but somehow that felt worse and he wasn’t sure why.

John had given Gordon the chance for some time alone to get his mind sorted a little, a promise of going for a Swedish massage and sauna on one of the decks later made Gordon very grateful that he was with someone who understood that even the simplest things can be stressful and hard to handle. 

Gordon stood under the running water in the tiny little shower, so small that he laughed when he saw how much John had to hunch over to fit inside on the first morning they were onboard. For Gordon though it was a snug fit, his shoulders still poked out into the curtain every time he moved.

Water helped him think as much as a good run gave Virgil a time out to vent his frustrations and a few minutes without gravity made John a calmer person when dealing with a panicking rescue victim. Gordon was dying for a swim but he saw the crowded pool on the deck and thought against it.

Gordon had feelings for both of them, One was a dying flame - one was a new spark. He didn’t want to walk away with neither and kick himself for thinking about what could have been. Both were bright burning candles in return for him.

Virgil… that big strong powerful romantic, just once Gordon wanted to be the one on top, the one to dominate him, hell he’d do it from behind if it gave him the chance to show Virgil what he wanted to all that time they were together. The opportunity to caress and play with him like he always imagined he could… 

John - oh god, did Gordon want to play with him too… but he also wanted him to touch him with his tenderness and kindness that he showered him with despite all the pain and suffering he had gone through, a person strong enough emotionally to add that extra sparkle into every touch of his body.

Gordon shivered, for some reason his mind was off wandering - visions of him fondling Virgil, stroking, kissing licking... making him beg while at the same time, John was doing the same to him but gentler like feathers and his thrusts like playful kisses inside him.

Gordon withered in the shower, his hands moving around to his own privates, one pushing fingers into him and the other tugging, teasing and stroking. The shower was so small Gordon could support himself by one leg pressed against a wall giving him access to both his front and his back allowing him to play and prenterate himself at the same time.

He had no idea how long he’d being doing it for, the picture of the three of them going at it like that together so strong and overpowering in his head, but when it had to end, Gordon felt a part of him was empty as he squished himself into a heap at the bottom of the shower.

In one way he was grateful it was only a fantasy. Virgil for one would NEVER let Gordon be the one to call the shots and John… Gordon found that he wouldn’t DARE SHARE him with anyone.

He realised that he was more jealous at the idea of anyone else touching John than he was about Virgil… and that the more he thought about the idea of being with the elder of the two, he felt warm inside in a good way and not hot and angry as he was with the other.

He cleaned up and stepped out of the shower when his mobile phone started to ring. Wrapping the towel around his waist he answered.

It was Virgil.

“Gordon? Before you say anything or even hang up later, let me say my piece first?” Virgil slurred as he talked, sounding like he had more than a few drinks in him. “This… this isn’t easy for me to admit ‘k? But I did more than cheat on you once, and not just with John too… I’ve slept with Scott twice before your last call to end things between us. I thought you should have the right to know the whole truth, not just parts of it…” There, he said it. Maybe now he can look at himself in the mirror again. That is, if Gordon can ever find it in himself to forgive him.

"Are - are you drunk?" Gordon frowned. He barely understood a word that was spoken.

"I cheated on you with Scott!" Virgil all but yelled into the phone. Why was Gordon making this so difficult? "I slept with him, twice in fact!" He suddenly laughed, although not finding any of this funny. 

"And yeah, so I'm a little drunk... so what?"

John had been waiting for Gordon outside the massage place too long and had gone back to the cabin to check if Gordon was ok. He found him standing in the middle of the room dripping wet, eyes wide in terror listening to something on his mobile, tears down his face.

John pried the phone from his brother’s fingers and held it to his ear, whoever was on the end still talking away.

Gordon watched as his older brother’s lip started to curl back, blood clearly boiling under that cool forever calm exterior. 

Before he grabbed the mobile, Virgil was detailing every single thing he did intimately with John with Scott’s permission and had just started to talk about every sexual detail of his affair with Scott, the alcohol losing his lips in a way he never would have spoken to anyone let alone Gordon before. 

John didn't need to know jack shit about the entire start of that call. As someone who analyzed them for a living he was fast on the uptake. Virgil was colouring a very pretty picture...too bad John was mentally ripping it to shreds. 

Gordon had never once seen John angry. Alan told him he was lucky, as it was the scariest thing he'd ever seen and something you never want to do unless you had the advantage of being thousands of miles away on another planet. Gordon brushed it off saying that he was exaggerating. 

He never will again.

“VIRGIL!” John barked in a tone of voice that would make anyone shit themselves - Gordon checking under his towel incase he had. “What the FUCKING HELL you doing? You're not only a drunkin’ piss-head but a disgusting human being! To think Gordon fucking thought you DESERVED A SECOND CHANCE - WELL GUESS WHAT!? you come ANYWHERE FUCKING NEAR HIM WHEN WE'RE BACK HOME YOU'RE GOING TO BE LOOKING FOR YOUR HEAD IN YOUR ARSE! UNDERSTAND ME!?”

Virgil crumpled to the floor, and threw his phone against the wall, smashing it to pieces. He needed to do that, cruel as it was. He had to break Gordon's heart, so he could truly see him for the monster that he was. He didn't deserve him. Hopefully, John will be there for him, to help pick up the pieces.

For the umpteen time in the last couple of days, he cried. John's words echoed over and over in his head. Right now, he was holding a pity party for one.

His heart ached, what kind of cruel joke was this? Gordon had wanted to give him a second chance? Well, he burned that fucking bridge now. Not that he deserved it in the first place, Gordon deserved so much more than he could ever offer. No, this was for the best. This way, Gordon could finally move on. No more illusions, no more half truths. But fuck, did it hurt.

All the physical injuries he had incurred during his days with International Rescue, nothing hurt like the way his heart was burning a hole in his chest. He brought his knees to his chest, and cried for himself, for Gordon whose heart he just broke, for John's past hurt, hell even for Scott who started it all. In his mind Tracy Island was burning and everyone on it was in trapped in its flaming inferno.

John strode across the cabin and flushed the mobile down the toilet. Sure, it was extreme but it meant Virgil couldn’t make anymore drunken phone calls.

He hesitated before pulling Gordon in to hug him tight, Gordon shaking not just in horror from being told he wasn’t the only person in Virgil’s sex life but John had just exploded and put the fear of deadly wrath in both of them.

“I-I’m sorry Gordon. If t-that’s his attitude then….”

“It's not fair! I didn’t do any of that to him! Nothing like that at all! Then to have him tell me all the details…..”

John's heart sank. If Virgil went into as much detail about what he did with John as he did about Scott…. John was the last person who should be in that little room trying to comfort him.

But he stayed, rubbing his back slowly as if the touch was supposed to be a magic cure. It wasn't but sometimes it had a placebo effect which was near enough.

“J-John?”

“Yeah…” John’s voice betrayed him. He couldn’t hide the fact he felt partly to blame for Gordon’s problems.

“Would - would you really do that to Virgil?”

“Yes. Even if you never spoke to me again… Gordon you're my younger brother first before anything else. You could avoid talking to me for years but I'd still come running if you were in trouble.”

Gordon tried to work out what ‘not talking to again’ meant.

“John are you worried that I'm upset with you too?”

“Yes. You have every right to be. I don't deserve you either Gordon.. none of us do. I told you about what happened from my side that day… but I think Virgil was more vivid in those details even if I didn't hear them. Even with how Scott treated me and how they both did together… that first time….I was as bad as them - doesn’t matter if I didn’t know you were Virgil’s lover - I still aided in his unfaithfulness.”

Gordon thought it over. John was right as usual and that stung more than it should have.

“I'd understand if you don't ever want anything to do with me again.”

Gordon pulled John into a passionate much needed kiss.

“And loose the only person who thinks I'm fun to be around? Not fucking likely.”

Gordon kept kissing those lips till John pulled him back.

“Steady. If you and I have sex now you'd regret it later and so will I. I'm not going to take advantage of you while you're not thinking with a full deck of cards. I already feel like I've done the dirty to you once… I don't want to again.”

“That's why I want to keep you to see where it goes. You respect me more than I deserve. I had made up my mind before Virgil called but I still didn’t…”

John wrapped his arms around him again. “Want to skip the massage place?”

Gordon pulled away suddenly, grabbed some clothes and was yanking them on desperately as he headed for the cabin door.

“I take that as a no.” John laughed at Gordon’s antics. Gordon came back and grabbed his arm, pulling him along.

“We need this SOOO bad!” Gordon said excitedly, his broken heart over Virgil completely forgotten.

Gordon had indeed made up his mind before Virgil called like he said. He decided that he wanted to ignite the new spark that had entered his life due to how oddly possessive he felt about protecting it. Truth was - after seeing what ‘They’ had done to that flame Gordon wanted to fight tooth and nail to keep it to himself. To know that level of fight was going on to protect him if push came to shove made him feel warm inside like he never felt before.


	14. Underlying trouble

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter by Lady Equinox

"Hey..." Scott greeted Virgil, as he flopped down on the sitting room couch beside him. "I ah... wanted to apologize for the other day at breakfast. You were just trying to be nice and I overreacted. Sorry..."

Virgil just nodded, he wasn't in the mood to talk. He tried returning to his book, but to be honest, he'd been stuck reading the same paragraph for the last half hour. 

"Hey?" Scott started again. "I'm trying my best here, Virge. Throw me a freaking bone?"

"What the hell do you want, Scotter? Fine, apology accepted. There, happy now?" He grunted, as he got up to leave.

Scott held onto his wrist. "Just... stay? We don't have to talk... I... I just need the company."

Against his better judgement, Virgil sat back down on the couch, and opened his book to the wrong chapter. Not that anyone would have noticed anyway, he thought to himself.

"So er... have you heard from Gordon?"

"What if I have? What's it to you?"

"Are things between you guys ok? Are you like, back together?" Scott asked, as his heart pounded, scared of the answer.

Virgil sighed, knowing that he needed to talk to someone about it. But did that person *have* to be Scott? "We... sorta broke up." Having said it out seemed to be the final nail in the coffin of their relationship, and his heart ached. He bit back the tears, determined not to break down in front of Scott.

Was he happy with that answer? Scott asked himself. No, not when Virgil looked utterly miserable and defeated. He daringly reached over and placed his hand on Virgil's shoulder and gave him an awkward hug. 

"I'm sorry to hear that. But it was bound to have happen, after... he saw..." God, he couldn't bring himself to finish that sentence, knowing the monster of a role he played in his brothers' breakup.

Virgil didn't resist the hug, he craved a human touch right now. He leaned his head against Scott's strong shoulder. He sighed, "Nothing you can do about it now, Scotter. We're officially done, over... *kaput* I threw us away. This is all my fault."

"Hey, if it's anyone's fault, it's mine. I played the biggest part here. If anything, you should be blaming me right now, screaming and shouting. You have every right to." Scott said as he reached out to play with Virgil's hair lovingly.

Irritated, Virgil slapped Scott's hand away. Who did he think he was? Yeah, sure he could yell at Scott but what was the use of all that? Maybe he might feel a little better after that but the pain will only creep back and settle into his soul after a while.

Virgil sat back straight up and sighed. What was the point of talking about what happened? It wasn't as if he could ever hope to get Gordon back after all this. Not even if he was laying on his deathbed, no, he deserved this. He rubbed his face, tired weary. He just wanted to sleep and have everything back the way it was, before he approached Scott. He knew now that the only person he should have talked to about their problems, was Gordon and no one else. Too late now. 

"Listen, I'm gonna go for a run around the island ok?" Virgil said, as he patted Scott affectionately on the leg. He needed and wanted to be alone. The last person he wanted to sit next to was Scott. 

"But... it's raining." 

"Perfect weather then, isn't it?" Virgil said, not looking back.


	15. Sauna

“Shit…. That was soooooo nice.” Gordon purred. He felt like jelly after being rubbed down by expert hands. He leaned his head back and reveled in the hot steam of the sauna. “The guy was asking too much questions about what I do though for a job though, John. Sounds to me like we work far too hard if they think we're nothing but bags of knots.”

“I'd never know Gordon. They took one look at me and flat out refused to touch me. But hey, the acupuncture instead was a much better trade off. I swear I haven't felt blood flow in my arms and legs this normal in…. Far out… too long. I wonder if they do pressure points for you know… down there.”

“Really? You'd let them poke needles into your bread basket?”

John leaned forward and ran his fingers through his hair. “yeah I would. Admittedly it would hopefully stimulate some blood flow. Do you know despite all the sexual things that my body has been through I've never once had an erection? The low blood pressure in space does alot of damage that I only remembered about when trying to stimulate myself earlier.”

“Pfft. How do you explain all of us John? Dad was always in space.”

“After you were born yes, yes he was. Why do you think there's a big age gap between you and Alan? It's not like they didn't try - dad couldn’t get things working at one point.”

“Shit, then why do you keep going up there?”

“same as you in your submarine. It's a private world all to yourself.”

“Yeah, I see your point.” Gordon looked like he was being robbed in memory lane as he thought about how beautiful his undersea sanctuary was. “Somewhere so beautiful you don't exactly want to share, but if you could with one person it would be a lover.”

John laughed. “You got it.”

“So you're… worried you're going to be absent down where it matters?”

“It's no joke Gordon, all morning on my own I was thinking about you heck - I even tried to get things going by myself in one of the men's rooms.” John winced at how bad this was all sounding. “Look, I really really like you more than just my brother and you know that… but if I can't get it up then…” he groaned, running fingers through his hair again. “You'd think I was just having you on. I don't want that.”

John looked up hurriedly and all flustered, though in the sauna it looked a little more than just embarrassed. “It's not just sex before you think that's all I want ok? I just… when the time comes…”

Gordon started laughing.

“H-hey it's not funny! I'm really freaking out that I could blow this entire chance you're being far too nice to give me!”

Gordon dropped his towel and leaned over John, his hands resting on the steps near John’s head so he could tower over him a little, seduction clearly evident on his face.

“You mean you like more than just the chance to have sex with me? Gee Johnny, you do that already because that’s just who you are as a person. You cuddle us, listen to our problems, read me stories when I have nightmares over the holo phone when you're supposed to be working…. You rub sunscreen on us at the beach cause you're worried we get burnt, you kiss all our cuts and bruises like a mother who magically makes the pain go away….” Gordon said sweetly watching John carefully under him, his brother panting and breathing really hard… Gordon relishing this moment of power over him and he barely had to lift a finger.

“Ohhhh lordy…” John swallowed hard.

“Like what you see?” Gordon teased.

“Fuck….. seriously Gordon you're perfect. You're perfectly sculpted and your skins tan is just incredible…. And with your hair all a mess like that…..” John shuddered as he breathed out. “Far out you are utterly beautiful.”

Gordon chuckled. This was rather fun, he never knew he could hold so much influence over someone without any effort. Admittedly John was going to be hesitant when it came to anything too intimate due to his experiences but Gordon wasn't quite ready for this reaction….boy did he love it. 

“You want to touch me?” Gordon purred.

“Shit….. I do but right now I'm scared to.”

“You had no problem earlier.”

“T-that was different. You weren't all trying to seduce me then, you needed me to be a brother.”

“Right now though John, I want you to be my lover.”

John reached out to touch him, pulling back a few times like Gordon’s body was something sacred and leaving prints on it was sacrilege. Eventually he ran his fingers along the bronzed sun blessed skin and Gordon let out a loud purring growl, the sensation was all tender and very delicate, like Gordon was something breakable.

“You feel so soft…. but you don’t look it.” John whispered, his voice sounding impressed to Gordon’s ears and horny brain. “I can see and feel your body flexing under my fingers.”

“Does it feel nice?”

“Yes.”

“Never been touched like this before.”

“Oh I-”

Gordon kissed him before he could finished that sentence, putting his entire feelings of sexual desire into it.

“If you touch me like this all the time…. I swear I’m just going to cum without warning, clothes on or without.”

“R-Really?”

“Yes…. really.” He smiled looking at those shy, pretty ocean coloured eyes he wanted to drown himself in. “Why, can’t you see? Take a look at what you are able to do to me.”

He let out an amused snort as John glanced down and looked back up, his face completely redder than the most pinkest of roses. “What do you think John? You’re the one who was able to do that, make me all hot and flustered waiting for you to finally play with me.”

John took another gulp of air. Fuck it was getting really hard to breathe in the sauna. This might have been the worst place for them to be for this moment to occur. Gordon was waiting for him and he wasn’t sure what to do, he had never been in this position before.

“Gordon…” John confessed. “I need you to guide me…. Show me what you like, so I can love you like you always wanted, needed and enjoy. I honestly have no idea what to do and I really want to do it right.”

“That’s not quite how it works John.” Gordon teased. “I want you to love me how you think I should be loved.”

“Gordon right now if I was to do that I’d fuck it up so badly that you’d never want to try again. I’m so nervous and honestly afraid of screwing this up.” 

Gordon started to kiss John a few more times, slowly parting those baby pink lips apart to explore and make contact with his tongue, gently moving his own in and out to subtly hint at John what he should be doing to his body.

Gordon found the longer he held each kiss, the more adventurous John’s hands started to be. They were still very delicate with him, but now they were tracing every curve, every muscle and didn’t pull away when Gordon’s body shivered with delight at the very touch. Eventually they snaked their way downward and started to give him sensitive sensations along his backside, an area most people were unaware of how heightened the sensation of touch could be.

He broke off the kiss and gripped onto John tight burying his head into his shoulder. “Uhhh! Hell’s John you're not even there yet and sheesh! I want you in me so bad!”

“Can I try something else first?”

“Huh?” Gordon was taken by surprise. “What do you want to try?”

John straightened Gordon up and got onto his knees and before Gordon could protest, John’s tongue was licking him tenderly like he was teasing him with ice cream.

“Oh god uhhh… heck!” Gordon breathed out suddenly, unable to control whatever came out of his mouth. Even Virgil had never done this to him - it was as if taking Gordon orally was beneath him. “John! I don’t think I can last - I need to right now uhhhh fuuuck…. Please use your hands to relieve me!”

John pulled Gordon closer making sure his brother couldn’t pull away as he continued to tease and play with him fully aware the Gordon was leaking out unable to hold much more. He moved from just licking and kissing the length to putting it fully into his mouth and using his entire tongue to stroke more than just the head but his full erection.

“Ahhh uuuuhhh nnnuuuhuhhhh!” Gordon gasped out random noises, he couldn’t have prevented it if he tried.

Gordon’s hips bucked and as the wave of orgasm shifted causing him to shake all over he clutched John’s shoulders as he uncontrollably thrusted deep into his throat.  
He collapsed and John caught him, helping him gently to the floor. The heat from the sauna and the blood pressure buildup from all the excitement forcing Gordon to struggle to regulate his temperature after the serious blood rush. John wrapped him in his towel and lifted him up awkwardly to carry him out of the tiny room into the cool air outside and sat him up against the wall.

He was right. Sex in the sauna - bad idea.

“Hey, Gordon are you alright? Shit I’m sorry you've got heat stroke! I’ll be right back with some water!”

Gordon grabbed him and held him close, his body shaking as it struggled to cool down. “No! Don’t leave me John! Not after that, please don’t go!”

“I won’t go far. I brought water with us remember? It’s with our stuff.” he thought about it a second then lifted Gordon up into his arms and trundled to where their clothing was all tucked away safely from thieving fingers. He lay Gordon down again and forced a bottle of water between his lips till the whole bottle was emptied. “I should have known better I’m really sorry.”

“Nuh uh don’t you fucking DARE be sorry!” Gordon growled. “That was incredible and I should have known better too.” he coughed and held onto John tight. “Don’t you ever think of leaving me after something like that - never ever ever!”

“I promise I won’t even contemplate it next time.”

“Good.” Gordon curled into his brother close. “Thank you John for looking out for me.” he mumbled before he blacked out.


	16. Play date

Gordon awoke to the tender touch of fingers running through his hair.

“Uhhh…”

“Shhh. You passed out on me. Just rest Gordon. Need me to get you a drink?”

“Yes please.”

He could feel the bed move as his brother got up to grab him some water.

“You got really dehydrated. I shouldn't have pushed you, supposed to be looking after you and I can't even do that part properly.” John said as he tilted Gordon’s head to give him some water. Gordon’s hand reached out for John's arm and held it tight.

“Don’t - don't you dare take any of that away by saying you're sorry. God… if I wasn’t feeling like something hit me I'd be all over you right now and I wouldn't take ‘no’ as an answer.”

“You're funny Gordon.”

“Seriously John back in there…. Your touch…. I've never felt anything like it. I know your gentle when you're being all big calming brother on me but wow… that was something else entirely. It was like you were worshiping me with your fingers. Damn I'd love to know how you did that!”

John kissed his forehead and ran his fingers through Gordon’s sandy coloured locks.

“I'm not sure I can.”

“Why not?”

“Because, that's how I'd like to be touched.” John said, his voice really quiet and shy. “Never had anyone treat me like I was something precious to them. But to me Gordon, your body is like the most fragile of hand sculpted glass and I'd be damned if I ever did a thing to break it.”

Gordon shifted himself so he could cup both hands around John's face, those delicate and marble sculpted features that made him slightly longer in the face and gave him a very different look of masculinity that Gordon never appreciated before. “John…. I promise you that your more precious than that opal globe around your neck.. hell you're like the most expensive porcelain with your skin the colour of ivory and your heart the most warmest of fires that burns endlessly no matter what anyone does to try to extinguish.” he pulled him lower so he could kiss him. “If anything is worth fighting for, it's your endless ability to give forgiveness and your eternal love you give regardless if we deserve it or not.”

He found himself looking into those deep pools again. Fuck how the hell could Scott want to hurt something as beautiful as this? Sure, John wasn’t perfect and neither was he - it was like Gordon could see something worth more than just a tall skinny redhead who just dropped in and out of their lives at random but a caring and loving person who just wanted that same affection. 

“Fucking hell, Scott has no idea what he threw away when he hurt you.” Gordon growled possessively out loud. “If he ever tries anything again I'd fucking scrag him.”

“No you won't. He won't touch me again.”

“Are you sure? I mean if you look this good to me from every possible angle and not just physically….he's going to want you back regardless if you're with me or not.”

“I'd kill him first.”

“Really?”

“Yes. I now have a reason to fight back.”

“Oh and why's that?”

“Because of you, silly. My world maybe forever tiny but it's only got room for you and they'd have to kill me to take that little precious heart of glass you're giving me away.” to emphasize his point he kissed Gordon like he was like the sweetest of candies, one you want to savor the flavor of until it melts away.

Gordon's lips pressed back just as lovingly, his hands lightly stroking John's cheekbones and tracking them down his neck and for the first time, he could see passed the marks left on his body and wanted to explore the uncharted roads of John.

“Shirt please.”

“Gordon you need to rest.”

“I am in my own way. Shirt please John.”

John had a mild chuckle before honouring the request, pulling his t-shirt off so Gordon could look at him through the eyes of a lover and not a brother.

“Wow… you know I think you were wrong about me being the beautiful one.” Gordon grinned as he sat himself up slowly.

“Is that so?”

“Yes.”

Gordon nuzzled him and kissed his lips while his hands tried to dance the same steps John's had earlier. God was that hard to do, but John's hands had started to do the same and Gordon began to pick up the motions and the movement and laughed when he succeeded in making John shudder like he was able to do to him within seconds of touching him.

“May I?” Gordon asked politely, his hands hovering around John's navel stroking the light fluffy trail of reddish blonde hair that lead down from his belly button into his trousers.

John kissed him and breathed in his ear. “Yes.”

“You're not worried anymore?”

“A little. But I didn't have your hands making love to my skin when I tried.”

“Is that so?”

“Take a look. It's all for you.”

He wasn't disappointed. Loosening the jeans and the boxers enough to reveal him, Gordon was indeed impressed by what he saw.

“Woah damn! You're sure you couldn't get it up before?! That's fucking impressive!”

“Really?” John blushed “Really you think so?”

“John, seriously where the where the hell have you been hiding that! Fucking hell! You're damn -”

“Gordon easy, take a chill pill it's just bigger looking because its erect ok? It's still the same as every other time you've seen me naked.”

“Yeah but wow I didn’t realise that being well - exposed like that you would be so amazing.”

“You’re talking about being circumcised right?”

“Yeah.” Gordon blushed. “Does it make a difference?”

“What do you mean by difference? I have never had sex with anyone in a normal sense before.” John frowned looking a little hurt.

“No I didn’t mean -” Gordon was quick to hug him tight. “I’ve just never seen one as wonderful as that before. I didn’t mean anything by it.”

“I know I just… I’m nervous as all hell Gordon. This is the first time I get to be doing this with someone who loves me and it’s a bigger deal than I thought it would be. I’m not sure if I’m ready to do this.”

Gordon looked John up and down before kissing him gently, placing a hand on John’s hard desire and running his fingers along it as lightly as he dared. 

“Want to know something?” Gordon smiled sweetly. “I’m not sure either but we’ll never know unless we try. I’d like to with you, together - just you and me learning about each other.”

John looked all shy and Gordon just lapped it up. “You're just too beautiful to be true.” and with that he leaned down and gave John a very special kiss, one that elicited an excited little noise out on the tall slender redhead.

“What would you like, John? Right now I could try and lap you all up though I don’t think I’m going to get all of that into my mouth - but I also want to feel you inside of me, I want to be one with you and the universe.”

“If you don’t mind…. I’d like to be able to take you…. “ John hesitated. “Next time though I’d love it if you played with me though. I really did enjoy that and I don’t think you should ever be denied to be able to tease the way you do…. It’s amazing and so tantalizing that I just…. I-I could just have you tease me all the time and just be happy with that.”

Gordon laughed. “I know that you would be satisfied with just that, but I ’d love to show you more on occasion.”

“Anything for you Gordon. As long as I get to keep you close to me I don’t care what we wind up doing.” John nuzzled him and started to plant feather kisses down his neck.

Gordon pulled away for a moment to stand up and strip from his trousers but John stopped him. 

“Can I?”

“If you like.”

“Yes… I’d like that very much. I like to see how beautiful you are before -”

“You won’t break me I promise John.”

He giggled as he wiggled out of his clothing, John watching with pure wonder and amusement with how silly he was being. He even got a very childish laugh out of John so he struck a lame sexy pose to make him laugh a little harder.

John then stood up towering over Gordon, but he wasn’t imposing. He was inviting Gordon to do the same and he was more than happy to disrobe John and started to tickle him till John’s legs buckled from too much laughter and collapsed on the bed giggling like a little kid. Gordon never realised how much he missed hearing John so happy, so openly friendly and inviting.

“Hey! S-stop! I can’t stop laughing!” John begged between muffled snorts.

“No way, I’ve missed hearing you be silly with me. It feels like it’s been years since I heard you really laugh.”

“It has been that long Gordon.” John managed to say as he calmed down a little to breathe. “I don’t think I’ve had much to laugh at since you all grew up and drifted away from me. Why did we have to grow up Gordon? Why couldn’t we stay little and be silly forever?”

“John you were still a bit of a stiff shirt even then. We had to really work to get a laugh out of you.” he started tickling again and John started to squirm instead of fighting him off and almost rolled off the bed.

“Yes well cleaning up after you guys all the time wasn’t exactly fun.”

“No but the piggy back rides you used to give and those ridiculous stories you could tell to get us to go to bed!”

“Oh yeah, I remember for several months I had both you and Alan convinced I was an alien and that dad was an evil mastermind who stroked a white cat and worked for the Illuminati.”

“Not to mention you had Virgil convinced he was a lizard man.” Gordon giggled. “Man you were such a terrible liar back then!”

“Not my fault you three were so gullible.”

“Maybe it’s a good thing we DID grow up then.”

“Yeah…. for you guys maybe. Dad expected so much out of Scott and I…. not sure about Scott but damn… I wish I wasn’t smart sometimes. Would have made life simpler.”

“Well if it makes any difference, I still think you haven't entirely changed. Sure you’re not a big liar anymore but you're still fun to be around when you get back into the swing of things.”

“Wait since when did I become fun again?”

Gordon shook his head, smiling away. “You've never really stopped.” he sighed. “But the rest of us did - our idea of it changed.”

Gordon ran his fingers across John's naked body playfully. “I kind of wish it didn't. Thinking about all that stuff we used to do and how close we all were….I really missed how much you fed our imaginations. But we all wanted to be big strong leaders like Scott. Bigger fools we were.”

“I don’t think so. Scott may have hurt me pretty bad but he's still a fantastic leader, he's brave and above all else he's very devoted and motivated in the same way Virgil is strong, graceful and artistic. But locking him up expecting him to behave like a rational person - people snap. Everyone has a breaking point and maybe that's why he did all those things. Sure I hate him for it, but it still doesn’t change the rest of him as a person.”

Gordon sighed. “You're too nice for your own good John. If it was anyone else - Scott would be dead.”

“Maybe.”

“Fuck I know how to kill a mood.” Gordon swore.

“Not really.”

Gordon looked confused but John was right from his point of view. He still was very hard, waiting for Gordon to do things to him.

“My god but how?”

“Because you're with me. I don’t just find your body attractive, I find your mind, your voice… all those other things attractive too. Just having you talk to me has an effect that sends me all fluttering on the inside. I don't care that we're talking about those silly fools at home - I'm just getting excited just listening to you talk away.”

“Wow… you need to teach that ability to me.”

“What? Turn you on with just words? I think it maybe because most of the time I only have your voices these days to listen to. You guys are never around when I'm home or fast asleep. It's nice to be able to put faces to those voices I love so much.” John kissed him and smiled. “Yours is always the most free, even Alan or Virgil don't have that weird little charm of mischief when they're out and about.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. You're voice isn't always pancakes and maple syrup but I always smile when I hear it.”

“Damn John, you really know how to tease me.” Gordon climbed on top of him and started to tickle him more. With both their pelvis touching, rubbing against each other Gordon’s little games started to morph into a light massage with John completely at his mercy. His brother’s hand were still free to roam and they did so running along his back and his sides causing him to shiver.

Gordon then slid himself down, enveloping John into him.

“Uhhh! Oh John! Ahhh hang on a sec!” Gordon squirmed a little till he was comfortable. “Uuuhhh oh god - you're in so deep!”

“Gordon….” John purred out in a small yelp. “You're very - uhhh nuuuhhhh!”

“Tight? Yeah for you maybe. Sheesh! Oh fuck you feel really good there though.”

“Gordon,” John was shaking. “I can’t - can't hold on!” he panted. 

“Yes you can John. Just a little for me.” he kissed him tenderly. “I can tell this is your first real time regardless if you had told me or not. It's always hard not to give in the second you're inside… but right now - you're a new experience for me too. I don't know if I am game enough to get you to start pushing yet.”

“Gee Gordon I'm sorry.”

“John you can’t be sorry for everything all the time!” Gordon laughed. “Why the hell should be sorry that you're a little big for me to handle? You can't change your body and neither can I.” he shifted his weight again. “Ok… I think… think I'm ok.” he gave John a squeeze and his brother arched reaching up to touch him and he leaned down to oblige him.

“Uhhh ohhhh nnnuuuhuhhhh!” Gordon couldn’t contain the feelings inside him. He had never felt so hot down there, so full from another person. Every thrust from John was hard, but not because he was rough - John was being slow and very careful much to Gordon’s admiration - it was because it was such a snug fit and there was little room for John to move in further or pull out, Gordon discovering that if he moved along with each thrust it was easier to handle. Fuck he never had to do this with Virgil…. But then Virgil was far thicker and he was able to command every single action - taking any sort of power from his hands.

That wasn't fair to John, thinking all that. Gordon swore aloud. He was still having problems trying to fully erase Virgil from his memories.

“You're not enjoying this Gordon.”

“Huh?”

John had stopped and held Gordon’s face close. “I know you too well, Gordon. You're not enjoying this at all.”

“John…”

“It's ok if we stop. You're not going to hurt me if we do. You're still having thoughts about him.”

“Please John, don't get the wrong idea! It's not like that at all!” Gordon practically begged.

“Why would I get the wrong idea? He used to be inside you all the time yeah?”

Gordon looked sad and wanted to cry. 

“It's ok. I'd be an idiot to not think you'd have a hard time comparing us. I know I'm not Virgil - I can't choreograph an entire sexual experience into something passionate and magically romantic. I can't control how everything should go.” he wrapped his arms around him tight and nuzzled him affectionately. “But I still want to try, I'll do my damn best for you even if the only way we can do this is by working with our bodies together as one.”

“John…. I don't deserve you.”

“I don’t deserve you either Gordon, but here we are in the middle of the open sea… both naked and you on top of me. I know you'll forget him in time, just as I will get over things too.” John kissed him and ran his fingers through his sandy colored waves. 

“John?”

“Mmmhmm?” 

“I don’t want you to pull out yet.”

“I won’t if you want me to stay there.”

“I do. You feel really nice… I - I want to get used to you being there.”

“Well I will have to eventually Gordon.” John grunted a little uncomfortably. “It’s that, or I cum which I’m trying desperately hard not to do.”

“Shit John! I forgot you were holding on for me!”

“Yeah…. It’s ok Gordon. Emotional problems first yeah?”

“Hell no not in this case! Fucking hell - you should have said earlier! Oh man I feel nastier than…than-”

“Don’t say it.” John covered Gordon’s mouth and tried hard not to growl but he was starting to feel alot of pain where he shouldn’t be. “You’re not and never will be. This - this is my fault.”

“John you’re shaking”

“Yeah about that Gordon…. Ahhh… damn!” he winced as Gordon sat upright, moving not just his hips but everything in connection to him that was in the same place. 

“Shit, I have to let you out!” Gordon started to shift and John yelped in serious pain. “Shit! Shit shitty shit!” He cursed realising that John was still way too hard to do so making them both suck in that position. “Ah that fucking hurt!”

John was whimpering, clutching onto the pillows around his head. “Nuuuhhhh uhhh ow!”

“What do I do? I can’t go anywhere without it hurting the both of us!” Gordon started to panic.

“Keep calm Gordon, the more tense you get - SHSSHHHH!” John hissed and arched his back. “This isn’t fair! Why can’t I do this right?! AHHH OW!”

Gordon lent back down to ease off some of the pain for John whose features started to relax a little.

“We’re stuck.”

“Yeah, looks that way.”

“Fucking hell.”

John licked his lips. “If we get both of us to relax… maybe… maybe we can get unstuck?”

“Like how?”

“You could try tickling me again.”

“Seriously!?”

“Yes.” John replied calmly through clenched teeth. “If I can relax down there it might be easier to get you free.”

“God damn it if I wasn’t so pathetic we’d never have ended up in this mess! You’ll never want to try again with me after this - I’ve totally gone and blown everything between us before it even started!”

“Gordon! Focus please… I really need you to.” John breathed out. “Let’s sort ourselves out first and then we can go from there. Honestly I don’t really want this to be the first and only time either. We may have to try something else next time but right now Gordon, I need you to help me….”

“But I can’t John!”

John thought for a few seconds and then said, “The reason Virgil cheated on you is because he really is a lizard man and he’s trying to find an appropriate host to lay his eggs and hasn’t realised guys can’t have his babies.”

“What?!” Gordon’s eyes opened wide. 

“That’s right - secret lizard man creature in disguise who’s trying to find a mate but isn’t having any luck as the only things around him are male and not female.”

Gordon burst out laughing. “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve EVER heard!” he started to snort and then started attacking John with his fingers. “You're a terrible liar you know that!? I’m not six years old anymore! Do you honestly think I’ll believe your silly stories now that I’m twenty one!?”

The second John started being affected by Gordon’s tickling he grabbed hold of him tight and thrusted a few times as he orgasmed into him, the release taking Gordon completely by surprise but gladly received, Gordon feeling suddenly very wet as some of it dribbled out between his legs. Gordon could feel John’s whole body relax and his hands start slipping out of their death grip around him.

“John?” Gordon looked worried. “A-Are you ok?” 

“I will be... if that worked.” John could barely get air into his lungs. “I didn’t hurt- hurt you did I?”

“No…. not that I can feel… but damn! That was intense and you were so full! My god you’re not going to be that fully loaded everytime are you?”

“I- I don’t know.” John shut his eyes. “I have a headache all of a sudden though.”

Gordon managed to wriggle free and checked John over. He was a little disappointed that that his boner had gone, but was relieved that he was ok after all of that. He crawled himself up to flop properly into John's arms like a ragdoll.

“Bet Virgil’s never done THAT before with you.”

Gordon started laughing. “No, no he hasn’t. But goddamn, if that didn’t hurt I’d have loved to be stuck to you like that forever.”

“I think… maybe next time we try that…. A tube of lube might be handy.”

“Damn you John!”

“What? The next one you’re going to want to try it on me and you’re going to find that far easier than you're expecting. I don’t want to deny you the same chance to get ‘stuck’ but you may find I’m a little too ruined there for that to happen.”

“That’s not a good thing to say about yourself John.”

“I can’t lie to you Gordon, not after all of that… unless it’s to get you to laugh.”

“Well noted.” Gordon grinned, but it was dropped just as quickly. “So you think you’re not tight?”

“Around there? I know I’m not. Let’s just say there’s been things done to me worse than you saw on that recording and Scott liked to use ‘other toys.’”

“Uh…”

“You’ve seen any of the equine dildos for women that are ridiculously long and wide?”

Gordon’s face dropped. “You have to be joking?”

“No. those things without lube really hurt - probably worse than what we just did.” John shut his eyes. “I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”

Gordon cuddled John into his chest and was shocked to find his brother was still shaking from all that expelled energy. “Don’t worry. I think I have a bit more of an idea now. Shit…. And you still want me to?”

“Yes. because you're my lover and - and I trust you even if we’re still trying to work things out.”

“Damn John…. We’ll have to see…. That - that might have to be something we do for something really special.”

“Fair…enough.”

Gordon ran his fingers through John's rusty red locks as his older sibling drifted off into a light doze. 

That could have gone so much better but Gordon was kicking himself inside. If John was ok with that disaster of a sexy time then things for him in the department must have been pretty awful for a very long time. 

No - awful didn't describe what Gordon saw between John and Scott that day.

That was scary… and to think Scott had done worse to him before that….

Gordon touched the bruise around his neck, the last shred of evidence of abuse he suffered yet to fade away. Gordon could feel the poison leeching from it filling him with a burning anger. No one deserved that - hell he wouldn’t dare wish that on Virgil.

Virgil had sex with Scott too.

Gordon’s blood boiled. What made Virgil more special than John to Scott? Virgil detailed the entire affair as a real hot moment of pure needed passion in Gordon's absence, but he did tell him they were over before they left the island so he didn't have to care that Virgil was fucking someone else - but it wasn't that bothering him - it was the fact Scott was trying to be a real lover now after the horror he put John through. 

It was as if he'd been rewarded for torturing him.

Gordon tugged the bed sheets up to cover them and gave one more long gaze over John who was so very tired after today he just looked like a puppet with all its strings tangled in knots, his sleeping position looking slightly uncomfortable even to Gordon.

No wonder John spat back at Virgil over the phone with such venom. Not only did he tear Gordon's heart apart, he rubbed salt into a very deep permanent wound that he has to live with for the rest of his life.

He was trying to not think about it either and Gordon was starting to find that the more he kept thinking about Virgil, the more worthless John probably felt.

Especially after that phone call.

Gordon knew how much it hurt being cheated on by someone who loved you. It didn't fully occur to him how much more it would be to find out your tormentor was having a passionate sex and you were still trying to work out why you meant nothing to them than just a cheap sleazy fuck that could take a serious beating.

Gordon held John tight when he noticed his brother was trying to seek him out, touching him to reaffirm that he wasn't lying there alone while he slept. It made Gordon wonder how many times John had probably been tied up or beaten to the point he was lying in his own blood, repeatedly being raped over and over begging silently for him to stop and reaching out trying to find someone to free him long after Scott had gone.

Once too often by what he had managed to work out from what little information John shared… probably a good thing too as Gordon found his imagination was quite vivid in that direction already.

Then the ugliest thought crept into his mind….the one where if things just fell apart here and now - John giving up and handing himself back to Scott on a plate. Gordon was under no illusions that John might be beaten to death that way when there was nothing left for Scott to take…especially since John could never love him.

John bound up in weird and fetish leather strap bodysuits, ones that tied him down to the bed….. Gordon feared walking into Scott’s bedroom one day to find John bleeding and abused, fighting for his life in one of those and having him die because he couldn’t get him untangled from those tight confines….the detail of how much blood was caked dry in his red hair to the cuts and bruises all along his beautiful white skin - heck Gordon could imagine cigarette burns to anywhere he showed signs of impurities from freckles to the birth mark he discovered just above his left thigh… and that one being gouged out as a large open wound. Scott didn't smoke, but Virgil did and the thought of Scott taking Virgil's smokes and burning John's flesh while Virgil fucked him from behind over and over was while not real - scary as all shit. Ok Virgil really wouldn’t dare be involved in something like that but Gordon’s imagination was on fire as his blood was bubbling away like a hot pot on a stove.

His beautiful gentle ‘Ziggy Stardust’ - being damaged beyond repair repeatedly when he had so much love to give but wasn't ever going to be allowed to return it.

It made Gordon want to scream….no one was to touch him like that ever again. Even in his twisted little nightmare he realised the one part of John he shared just now with him was limp unable to give any indication that the whole scenario was sexual in anyway. Thank fuck for that - how dare they think he'd give them sight of that magnificent erection - the one that Gordon was privileged to have seen. No in this sick little nightmare they couldn’t get any response out of him, no matter how much they tried to get him excited while they violated his person.

His beautiful special space man - how DARE they!

Gordon had to show John somehow that he was really loved and that this with him was a real thing and not a heat of the moment because we're alone together trip. Not only would it kill his brother in the end in the hands of another, it would leave himself completely dead inside.


	17. Still wanting him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter by Lady Equinox

"V? A word?" Scott stopped Virgil, who was on the way for yet another run.

"Can it wait? I was going to go for a run." 

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about. Virge, stop torturing yourself like this. You're barely getting enough sleep as is, and you're literally running yourself to exhaustion. At this rate, I'd be picking up pieces of you all over the island." Scott said as he positioned himself between Virgil and the door, cornering him. This talk more than long overdue.

"How? How do you know I've not been sleeping?" Virgil eyed Scott suspiciously.

"I can hear you having nightmares. I... I hear you calling out for Gordon in your sleep. And I see the lights on in your room, at all times of the day. You spend all your waking hours drawing or writing. You don't even notice when I'm standing in your doorway. When was the last time you had a proper rest?" 

Virgil sighed, he hated to admit it, but Scott was right. He was running on empty, feeling beyond tired. "Scott... don't ok? This is my trying to cope. I don't know what else I can do. Being inside the house is driving me fucking nuts!"

"You need sleep. No running today." Scott took Virgil gently by the hand, and led him to his room. Virgil didn't fight back, as Scott pushed him into bed, taking off his shoes and blasted ankle weights. He closed the curtains for good measure, and moved toward the door.

"Scott? Can you... will you stay? I... really don't want to be alone. Please?" Virgil pleaded.

Scott didn't say a word, as he crawled into Virgil's bed, his arm snaking around his waist, enclosing him in a strong firm hug. 

Scott soon felt Virgil's form relax against his, and he didn't move till he was sure from his brother's even breathing that indicated he was finally asleep. He played softly with Virgil's hair, his brownish-black hair starting to curl from the usual lack of hair gel. 

"Gordon..." Virgil murmured as he cuddled against Scott. 

"You stupid fool... you're killing me here..." Scott leaned in with a gentle kiss to his forehead.


	18. Heating up

“Wow, really must have taken it all out if you yesterday John.”

John groaned. His entire body was filing checks and making demands he just couldn't repay. The acupuncture had done its job allowing blood flow in his body to move more free… but that's a problem when you have low blood pressure to begin with….and having it all in one place and rush around afterwards….

John's hand reached out and his fingers were entwined with Gordon's, causing a shy smile to creep into his features.

Gordon laughed as John mumbled something incoherent. “Hey it's alright. Don't worry, we can lounge around here for the day. No one said you had to explore this ship the entire trip. Supposed to be relaxing remember?”

There was another mumble.

“Yeah ok so there isn't room service, but that's what I'm for. I can go get stuff we can eat in here.” he kissed John on the forehead. “I won't be gone long, you rest here for a while.”

Gordon had left John to rest and hit the shops, found some holo dvds, tons of snack foods and as he walked passed the more expensive stores he saw something that caught his eye.

Virgil wasn’t the only musician in the family.

Gordon slipped back into the cabin, placed the stuff he bought down and walked over to the bed John was lying in.

It had been a while, he remembered having his old one get smashed when playing rough with Alan - but not this time.

He smiled as he fiddled with the tuning. John was the only person who didn't know he could play, heck he even wondered if he ever really saw Virgil play the piano…. Was only vaguely aware that he played - but then John had a weird thing about music sometimes - mum being the one who had all the amazing talent that they all got a piece of… at least they all did except for him.

He didn’t hate it, just didn’t like it when everyone else could play mum's music she wrote. Out of everyone he and Scott had the most memories of her and they both had some strange things they did that wasn't like their father from time to time and took mum's things more personally than everyone else.

And when John was unable to learn any instruments it hurt to think he wasn’t anything like her. If anything he was probably jealous that he couldn’t be her son instead of their fathers. 

But Gordon had been thinking a little creatively, something he rarely did when it came to music as Virgil was the one that was showered in praise for being creative prodigy - but this was for someone important and damn if he wasn’t going to attempt something grandeur, he didn't deserve to be the upstart that he was.

He started to pluck a tune and then began to strum a Latin love ballad and as his brother stirred and sat up a little he started to sing.

“Floating in the sea was a lonely whale, he was traveling you see, he was looking for a family and calling out to me. His story was full of sorrow, his tale was full of woe, but when he met me I replied and blew him kisses with bubbles to lift his spirits high.”

Gordon smiled as John leaned on the bed, listening to every word, a light shy rosey blush sitting in his features.

“Oh dearest whale you are so beautiful, you are the most magical being that I know, why are you lost down here at sea when you belong in the stars? He sang sweetly his reply and made me laugh a little-”

“Dearest little turtle, you’re such a lovely fellow, if you take me by the flipper I will show you more than just the stars, there's an entire universe full of galaxies and we can visit every one.”

Gordon stopped strumming and snorted highly amused. “I'm supposed to be wooing you here!”

“With one of my little songs I made up for you when you were five?” John chuckled. He was now sitting up and while he still looked in a bad way it was definitely an improvement.

“Well…. It was the only one I remember I made my own tune for…. I wanted something that's so precious and means alot to me to be the most unique gift I can give you to show you what you mean to me. ”

“It's beautiful Gordon.” John pulled him into a kiss. “Thank you, you didn't have to as you mean so much to me already but it's nice to know that I have always been that important to you.”

“You still are.”

John put the guitar aside and started to kiss Gordon passionately remembering to tease and play light little games with his hands until Gordon pulled his head back laughing hard and giggling like a little kid as he was being tickled.

Gordon then started to tickle back and his smile grew as John fidgeted and squirmed far worse than he did. Memory flicked a card back to days pillow fighting, playing twister and jungle speed - games where you rough house one another - and how easy it was to make John relent just by initiating a tickle war.

They were now laughing as they played with each other, turning undressing Gordon into a game and when John got to kiss him his trousers dropped around his ankles Gordon was taken by surprise by John's boldness, already on his knees making love to Gordon’s erection with his lips and his tongue.

This wasn't quite Gordon’s plan, however he wasn't about to complain. John was like a magician with words and right now he was Houdini with his entire mouth.

Gordon was so distracted he didn’t see John lick his fingers till he felt them one by one all wet slide into him from behind, three in all - causing him to thrust deeper into his throat.

“Ahhhh! Uuuuhhhnnnuh!” Gordon grabbed John before he collapsed. The intensity was far too much for him. This - this moment of heightened sensitivity and sexual activity was new, exciting and Gordon knew he could never get tired of it, John getting more adventurous and making sure he took him along for the journey, not leaving Gordon unsatisfied and left behind.

John caught him as he became weak at the knees and Gordon got a good look at his lover’s face, reaching up with his own fingers to wipe the stray trickle of cum from his lips, John all too willing to playfully lick his fingers clean in the same fashion he had done with his manhood.

Gordon almost felt his heart stop as John worked his fingers, the sensitivity in them more incredible than he ever thought possible. Now he was really determined to make good on that disaster they had yesterday.

“In the stuff I bought….” he panted, “There's a tube of strawberry flavored lube… it's all I could get - but don't put any on…. I want to do it.”

“Are you sure you can handle another round Gordon?”

“Fuck…. John right now I just want you to make love to me until we both pass out tangled in each other's arms…. Then cuddle each other naked and watch some movies and eat junk food….. then do it all over again forever. ….I want us just us… spending time together forever….”

John lifted Gordon up and lay him on the bed, purring as Gordon reached out to brush his own impressive bit of masculinity with his fingers and rummaged through all of Gordon’s impulse buys before he found it. When he came back over Gordon had sat up and asked for John to lean over him on his knees so his face was level with John's own pelvis.

Gordon tried to imitate what John had done but found he couldn't get it all into his mouth in the same way. Instead he used his hands to massage and stroke the area he couldn't fully envelope with his tongue however he was getting a rather satisfactory response from John just by bestowing attention around the tip and the head. 

John growled and purred like a big predatory cat, his hands resting on the cabin wall while Gordon lavished his attentions onto him.

“Wow I didn’t think you could sound so sexual!” Gordon purred himself when he first started hearing the sounds.

“Never made….. nnnnuuuh…. Them before….uuuuhhhhh…”

“Well now I feel very privileged.” Gordon teased. John sounded so different, so animal like that he was finding this side of him more erotic than just the attractive gentle soul he was towards everyone else. He opened the tube of lube and applied it generously and finding sheer joy out of the noise John produced.

“Come on Johnny, cum inside of me.”

There was no hesitation this time in John's behalf, he covered Gordon with kisses before he slowly penetrated, with more ease than the last time and managing to get in all the way.

“Ohhhh lordy hell!” Gordon arched up, digging his fingers into John's back. That feeling of being completely full and warm was back but this time it was far more welcome.

John chuckled. “You sound like a porn star Gordon.”

“only for..uuuuh...you… aaaah!”

“Your music to my ears…. Your every little cry, groan and yelp are all so incredibly adorable… I just want to cuddle up beside you, stroking you listening to those cute little sounds of pure excitement.”

Together they moved their hips, thrusting one of those things that if John was too rough with was going to really hurt so he took care to read Gordon’s body give him signals for when he could try to go deeper.

All that teasing however meant this time was short and sweet, John releasing into Gordon without him noticing….John controlling how much he unloaded into him and not doing so in one sudden explosive burst. Gordon swore John was performing more than one orgasm as he could feel all of what came out if him inside, his body trying to contain the high amount but still having some of it leak out onto the sheets.

They nuzzled, kissed and gave each other attention, that John was hard again within a few minutes and able to repeat the whole thing - more drawn out and with so much self control that Gordon could feel his body shiver above him as he ogasmed more than once before he withdrew and collapsed onto the bed.

John wrapped his arms around Gordon protectively as he cuddled in lovingly seeking refuge and somewhere safe to rest till the world stopped spinning. That was fine by him, it had been a long time since he really felt like someone's protector and that stirred alot of good emotions inside his heart.

“John, I love you. Please stay with me….don't ever think your not worth being the most important person in the entire world….as that's what you are to me. Always have been, always will be.”

He nuzzled Gordon's sandy coloured hair and ran his fingers down his back and in patterns along his spine.

“You're all important to me, but Gordon you are the most special, the most loving and generous. My world is very tiny but I'm so glad that has room for just you - only you - to fill it with a wonderful warm glow that I want to care and nurture forever.”


	19. Trying to start fresh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter by Lady Equinox

When Scott woke the next day, Virgil was already gone. There was a note for him on the bedside table.

"Had a good rest last night, thank you. Still, I really need another run to clear my head. See you later at breakfast. - V"

He got up to wash up in his own room. An hour later, Virgil still hadn't turned up for breakfast. Scott brought up the tracker screen at their Dad's desk. Virgil was the south side of the island, but he wasn't moving, he was stationary? Scott got a bad feeling as he linked Virgil's last known location to his watch, and went off to look for him.

Scott had always been an excellent runner, and he found him in less than 10 minutes. Virgil was sitting with his right shoe off, sitting near a slight ditch, clutching his knee. Damn it, he should have brought a first aid box. "Hey? You're hurt. Why didn't you call?" He knelt beside him.

"I... argh... I was hoping to walk it off on my own."

"What happened?"

"I wasn't paying attention, and ran into that ditch over there. My ankle went one way, and my knee the other."

"Can you walk?" Scott asked. Virgil nodded, "Yeah, just give me a hand up?"

Virgil's right leg gave out, the moment he tried putting pressure on it. He would have fell, had Scott not anticipated it and held onto him tightly. He sat him down nearby, and felt around the slightly swollen right knee. 

"Good news is you don't seem to have pulled any ligaments. It's probably just a sprain. Brains could take a better look at that in the infirmary. Seeing as how you can't walk, mind if I carried you?"

"Like I have a choice?" Virgil snorted, frustrated at how careless he was. Scott moved forward, and swooped Virgil up swiftly, to minimize any pain. Virgil felt himself flushing, and wondered why his heart was suddenly pounding so hard. It was weirdly awkward being this close to his eldest brother, without either of them being engaged in sex. He couldn't relax in Scott's arms and wanted to be anywhere but here. He begged for someone to put him out of his misery.

Scott carried Virgil all the way to the infirmary in silence, where Brian's confirmed that it was only a slightly sprained knee. A couple of days of rest, no strenuous exercise and lots of ice should help with the swelling. Virgil being the usual stubborn patient, refused Brains offer of any painkillers. 'It's as if he wants to feel the pain...' Scott noted, frustrated.

"Here..." Scott said, as he passed Virgil a pair of crutches. "I still have these laying around from my last accident. Thought you could borrow them."

Virgil's face lit up. "Gee, thanks Scott. It's really nice of you to offer." He said, as he played with the blanket on the infirmary bed. "Now, what am I going to do? I can't walk, let alone run." Sounding frustrated and defeated.

"It can't be all that bad, Virge. You still got your paints and drawings, don't you?" Scott said, as he flopped down beside him on the same bed. "If you liked punishing yourself physically so much, heck just tell me, I could help you with that." He teased, as he looked at Virgil suggestively.

"Haha, not funny Scott." Virgil laughed and slapped Scott on the shoulder. "What do you think they're doing on the ship right now?"

"You mean other than having lots of banging sex with other people or each other?" Scott snorted. 

"Be nice, Scooter."

"Sorry. I do hope they're having fun though. God knows they both deserved it." He said, as he leaned back on the bed. 

"I miss them..." Virgil said as he did the same. "Do you think... that they miss us too?"

Scott couldn't help but laugh "You maybe... Me? They'd be crazy if they did." 

"I wish none of this happened. I just want things the way they were before." Virgil sighed, his arm reached for Scott's waist, desperate for a human touch. 

"Me too, V. Me too." Scott reached a hand out, to again play absentmindedly with Virgil's hair, not noticing this time that Virgil didn't push his hand away. "If anything, I wish I could take backup every bloody act I did on John for the last 2 years. Treat him right, like he deserved. God, I owe him a huge ass apology..."

"Maybe you should try telling him that? It may help him give him closure." 

"If he'd ever talk to me again? Sure." 

"Do try. John needs to hear it."

"I promise to try, Virgil." If only for you, he didn't say out loud. He felt Virgil's body relaxing against his, and he too started to drift off from how comfortable their bodies felt next to each other. He turned, burying his head in Virgil's hair and breathed in his scent. He realized he'd do anything for Virgil, he need only ask. 

Scott was suddenly terrified at all these strange emotions he was feeling for Virgil. "Hey Virge, I..."

He was promptly greeted by the sounds of gentle snoring. So much for pouring his heart out. Scott cuddled Virgil closer, and wondered if his younger brother could ever feel the same way for him, knowing what cruelty he was truly and well capable of. 

He realized he didn't care. He'd chase Virgil to the very ends of the world if he had to. Scott look down at Virgil, his soft long lashes fluttering as if trapped in a nightmare, and he cuddled him a little tighter. Hoping to reassure him that he was there. 

Damn, he was falling hopelessly hard and fast. And there wasn't anything Scott Tracy could do about it.

When Scott woke, Virgil was as usual gone. 'Damn it, Virge. You've never been a morning person, why start now?' Scott thought to himself, for once wishing how nice it would be to wake up in Virgil's strong dependable arms.

Another note. 'In the kitchen cooking breakfast. Come join me when you're up. - V'

He couldn't help smiling to himself, soon he'd have a whole collection of Virgil's little notes. Not that he minded, even his handwriting was beautiful, soft cursive and delicate, much like he was in person. 

He washed up in the spare bathroom downstairs, before heading to the kitchen. Apparently, Virgil's new way of coping was to cook up a storm. He had pancakes, toast, scrambled eggs, the whole freaking works enough to feed a small army. 

"Hey Scott, good morning. Sit down, grab whatever you want. I clearly overcooked." Virgil gave a nervous laugh.

"Gee Virge, you think?" Scott laughed back, how are we suppose to finish all *this*?"

"All day breakfast? I dunno. I just needed to keep my hands occupied."

What he wouldn't give to have those hands all over him right now... Scott mumbled under his breath, as he took a sip of his morning coffee.

"What did you say?"

"Nothing..." Scott nearly choked on his coffee in embarrassment. "What are you up to for the rest of the day?"

"I dunno. I came up with some possible design upgrades for Thunderbird 5. Pending Brian's approval. Hoping to make that tin can a little more comfortable for John." He pointed to the stacks of drawing and sketches nearby.

"That's nice." He said, as he browsed through the sketches.

"My way of apology, you know? Since both of them will probably never want to talk to me again." Virgil confessed, as he hobbled over on his crutches and sat at the seat opposite Scott, and attacked the mushroom scrambled eggs with a vengeance.

"Why? What happened after?"

"Oh, I got drunk and called Gordon. Went into a little *too* much detail about my sexual experiences with you and John." Virgil blushed a little. 

Scott snorted, he could imagine how Gordon would have reacted to that. He suddenly had an idea. "Hey, you wanna head to the mainland? Heard there's a carnival in town."

"Sure, why not? Got nothing planned anyway. Help me wash up while I pack some of these into some sandwiches we could take with us."

He wanted to jump for joy, but he wisely restrained himself. He smiled as he continued drinking his coffee. He just got a date with Virgil.


	20. Carnival date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter by Lady Equinox

They had an exceptionally fun time at the carnival. Virgil even won himself a huge silly fluffy unicorn, which regrettably Scott had to carry for him, so he could be free to use his crutches. 

They were now seated on a nearby bench enjoying some ice cream cones in the insanely hot weather, the ice cream melting quickly and dripping all over their hands. 

Scott laughed, when he saw Virgil had more ice cream on his chin than he did on his cone. "You got a little..." he motioned to his own chin.

"Hmmm?" Virgil preoccupied with trying to finish his ice cream, before it melted into a messy puddle at his feet.

"Here... let me." Scott said as he reached out to wipe some of the chocolate ice cream away. As he did, he found himself bringing Virgil's head closer to his, till he was softly kissing and licking the ice cream away from his face. 

Virgil forgot to breathe, as Scott covered him in soft delicate kisses and licks. He couldn't help it, but he found himself responding in kind, with kisses of his own. Around them, people were staring, but Scott didn't care. Take a picture, it'd last longer, he wanted to call out to them. God, Virgil's lips tasted even better than the remains of the chocolate ice cream on his face.

As their kisses got a little more passionate, their movements caused Virgil to drop his cone right on his foot. "Aw crap, look what you made me do Scott." Virgil complained playfully, as they finally broke their kiss. "I still wanted that." He pouted like he was five again.

Scott laughed, "Here have mine. I'd buy you another later." He pinched Virgil on his nose, and stood up. "I'm going to buy a bottle of water, you need to wash that ice cream off your foot. You are *not* getting into Thunderbird 1 with sticky feet."

Virgil rolled his eyes, and gave Scott the finger. When Scott returned, there was a girl seated beside Virgil. He frowned, as he suddenly found himself insanely jealous. The girl got up and left as Scott rejoined them. "What was that about?" He asked, trying to keep his tone even.

"Oh nothing. She was just flirting with me. Gave me her number and all. See?" Virgil showed a number the girl had scribbled into the back of his hand. 

"So... you going to call her?"

"Nah, not my type." Virgil shook his head.

"Oh? Who or what *is* your type?" His interest suddenly peaked, as he squatted down and washed the remains of the ice cream from Virgil's foot and flip flops.

"Hmmm? I dunno, I haven't really thought about it. Someone with a kind heart, got their head in the right place, you know? Hey, don't finish all the water, I wanna drink some of that." Virgil said as he reached for the bottle.

'Ouch! Strike one Scott.' He thought to himself. "Hey? Wanna go on the Ferris wheel and catch the sunset?" 

"I'd like that." Scott stood and helped Virgil up. They joined the queue for their tickets, Virgil noticing Scott lingering behind to chat a little with the staff manning the booth. 

They got into one of the booths. When their booth got to the top, Virgil noticed the Ferris Wheel had stopped moving. "Hey? Did it break down? I think we stopped moving."

"I er... I kinda bribed the guy to give us a few minutes at the top, as well as buy the booths around us, so we could enjoy the sunset by ourselves." He admitted nervously, as he laughed. 

"That's nice." Virgil smiled as he leaned his head against Scott's shoulder. "God, that's beautiful." He said, referring to the setting sun. "Wished I had brought my camera." 

Scott smiled, as he leaned his head against Virgil's, putting his arm daringly around him. This was it, the perfect setting to confess his feelings. "Virge? I er..." 

"Yeah?" Virgil turned and looked at him. 

"I think... I think I'm really starting to like you. The last two times we were together, I felt something. I... I maybe falling in love with you." 

"I know..."

"You do? 

"It's part of the reason I've been running so much. I've seen the way you look at me, it's the same way Gordon used to look at me. I... I don't know how I'm supposed to respond." Virgil admitted. 

"Do you think... that you can ever love me? After what you know I'm capable of?"

"I'd always love you, Scott. But frankly, I'm scared. What if I screw this up too, like I did with Gordon? God, what if I end up screwing Alan too?" He buried his head in shame into Scott's shoulder. 

"Will you try to give us a chance?"

Virgil looked up at Scott, and smiled. "I think... I'd like that very much."

Scott heard all he needed to know, he leaned in and kissed Virgil with all the passion he dared to, as the sun bathed them both in golden hues.


	21. hitting the shops

“Gordon, what's this all for? The way your talking it's as if I need to buy a second suitcase.”

“Maybe, come on John it's not like we can't afford to splurge a little here and there. We both had decent jobs before dad brought us into the rescue business.” 

“You only worked for WASP for a year.”

“And I'm still on the payroll. I do the occasional thing for them now and then, same as you with NASA.”

“Gordon, outside of International Rescue I'm a science fiction writer. I don't make alot in royalties… I stopped being on the NASA payroll years ago.”

“No, but you never go anywhere to spend it. We're all seen your mail when it comes in since you rarely do yourself. You have way more money than dad did to build our house on the island!”

“Wait I actually get mail? NO ONE TOLD ME!”

“Does it matter? The point is you can finally updated your wardrobe. I don't mean to sound rude but your current style is pretty scrappy and half hearted.”

“Uh yeah Gordon, you just pointed out the answer to that when you said I don't go anywhere.” he frowned. “Why should I be taking fashion advice from you anyway? You commit fashion crimes with those ridiculous Hawaiian shirts!” 

John rifled through a rack and pulled out something fluro green and yellow in design looked at it in disgust and then smiled as something else bright caught his eye, brightly tie dyed Rip Curl surfing shirt and several cheeky Mambo designs that just screamed out Gordon's personality. He grabbed them all and handed them to him.

“Try those Gordon. They shout out ‘attitude’ which is pretty much makes up at least half of your personality.”

“Hey! I'm supposed to be picking you clothes!”

“And you will, I'm just not sure I can pull off a surfer's look ok?”

Gordon gave him a coy look. “Oh I don't know about that… you've let yourself go a little ‘el naturale’ on this trip.”

“Yeah well I'm due for a haircut. I can't style it like this.

Gordon kissed him. “leave it. I love how it waves out of control like real burning fire. You look…. Incredible.”

And you look as warm and playful as you really are - Gordon found himself blushing as he thought it in his head. He dare not say it out loud just yet, John wasn’t ready for it now… but will much later on.

“Gee… uh thank you Gordon.”

“Besides,” Gordon playfully tugged on John's boring malt coloured long sleeved shirt, “I didn't expect you to look like a surfer… maybe less of a nerd though.”

“Gordon, I am a nerd. At least compared to you guys.”

“So? You're far from a dull one. Let me try these and we can go into another store, I think I've got the perfect one.”

“It's not a hipster or a old fashioned revival store is it? I'm not able to pull those off either.”

“No. You're going to love it though.”

Gordon did indeed buy all those shirts John had chosen and changed into the tie dyed one the second they set foot outside the shop, stripping off in public without a care for anyone looking.

“Oh woah, you look really amazing Gordon.” John flushed rosy pink.

“Thank you. Come on this way!” he tugged John along a few stores down infront of a shop that sold collectables.

“Uh I dunno Gordon the stuff I like is pretty niche… I doubt they'd -”

Gordon was smiling wildly when he found a dark space patterned shirt that was covered in stars and planets down the front and the words ‘Star dust’ across the back shoulders.

As he rummaged he found stuff from some of John's fave tv shows, one that were older and just as obscure as he was.

“How about a Troy Tempest?”

“Fuck yes! Anything else from Stingray?”

Gordon was grinning from ear to ear. John was excitable over the strangest things sometimes.

Then Gordon found the ultimate look. After a few minutes of waiting, John stepped out of the change room in tight black denim that sat in a high cut across his middle but the part that had Gordon all a flutter was the tight t-shirt that tucked into them. It was dark blue but shimmered deep psychedelic purple when he moved.

“Gee I don’t know Gordon, this is a bit -”

“You look like a real space man…” Gordon breathed out. “Nothing looking as good as you do is from this world.”

John blushed and pushed back a few loose red strands of hair out of his face. “You really think so?”

Gordon wrapped an arm around his waist and ushered him in front of a mirror and fiddled with his hair a little fluffing it up and then grinned at both their reflections. “Shit John, I'm getting turned on just standing with you dressed like that… you're a walking sexual temptation on legs, did you know that?”

“I uh..Gordon...I don't feel comfortable knowing that.”

“You should John. You have a very beautiful body, sure you're not super fit or muscular but hot damn - you look utterly magical. Seriously I hope they have more jeans this style and similar tops.. though you honestly look great in anything considered ‘retro’.”

“I really don't feel right Gordon… I'm not this type of person either…..” John suddenly felt very exposer and naked despite being in clothes.

Gordon looked disappointed. “Well at least get the jeans…. I was hoping you go to dinner with me later dressed like this at that Chinese seafood place I saw you marked out on your mini itinerary.”

“Wait, you mean the fancy one that I didn't think you'd like?”

“I didn’t like the idea of us just rocking up to somewhere that nice when we couldn't feel like who we really are. But if you still don't think you're well -”

John shut his eyes. “Just this outfit and a few pairs of these style of jeans.. I. ...I don't want to disappoint you.”

Gordon patted John on the back and John swore Gordon was giving him a look of pity.

Fuck. Trying to make Gordon happy was going to be hard. John really wanted to believe all those things Gordon was telling him, he really did. 

John felt like he was drowning in the middle of the ocean and the only person who could save him was still too far away to swim to for salvation. He wasn’t this amazing person Gordon saw - he was just a waste of space - a filler until someone better for Gordon came along… shit why the hell couldn't he make up his mind on how he felt? He wanted Gordon so much, to protect him, to love him and to spoil him but he couldn't let him into his heart because he was afraid of what Gordon would find there… and that he may realise that he wasn’t worth anything of value.

“Have they got any - any more of these shirts?” he asked, fighting back the fear of being seen as nothing but a sex object. 

“A couple why?”

“I want to try them too.” 

Gordon blinked, his smile returning. “Sure! Hey while you're checking them out I was going to get a new phone, is that cool?”

“Er… sure. want me to pay for it? I trashed your other one after all.”

“Nah, it's cool.” he gave John a handful of shirts and a few other jeans in other colors to try in before he ducked out to find a phone seller.

Gordon thought for a moment before texting his new phone number to Virgil's phone. Hopefully he still had one - and as an afterthought - sent it to Alan and Kayo too.

He probably shouldn't have told John he was dead sexy… that was a mistake but he couldn’t lie to him either. He wished John's idea of his own worth was so much higher, hell if Gordon himself looked like he did….he'd be flaunting it like it was going out of style.

But then again...modesty was the best trait John had. Gordon wished he'd be comfortable being sexy just for him though.


	22. Mistake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Scott and Virgil - Lady Equinox
> 
> John and Gordon - me

They headed back to the cabin to change for dinner and Gordon started laughing as he saw John pull out his tablet and started taking photos.

“Seriously you like it that much you want momentos?”

“yeah. Is that ok with you?”

“Well yeah…” Gordon blushed. Virgil took pictures all the time when they were together… but he never took them of him wearing clothes...or unposed for that matter. Gordon was always arranged to sit in a certain way so light touched his skin in a particular picture…..

“As long as I get to take some of you.” Gordon grinned playfully. If John was too embarrassed to wear this look more than once, he wanted to remember how elegant and fun John could really look as well as just be as a person.

John wrapped his arm around Gordon playfully and took a picture of him kissing him and a few of them laughing afterwards.

Gordon then pulled out his new phone and took some of his own pictures and John playfully picked up Gordon's new guitar and strummed it a little before Gordon tackled him and they laughed themselves silly on one of the beds.

Gordon didn't realise he accidentally sent a few of the pictures to Virgil's phone while they were mucking around having a pillow/tickle fight, the phone getting smushed under them as they played.

Three photos got sent - one of both of them posing like idiots in the bathrooms mirror, Gordon dressed in the loose tie dyed top with tight black leather pants that hugged every curve to make him look sexy and John dressed in the shimmery tight shirt and high cut black denim which looked seductive as all hell - another was a selfie they took of them laughing after they had kissed, all flustered and close and the last one was John sitting with the guitar...as if Bowie the legendary man who fell to earth was sitting in the room instead.

Virgil had left his phone on the table, and he was in his room painting with his headphones on. Scott was in the lounge reading the papers, when Virgil's phone vibrated. It was from Gordon's new number, and he had sent him some photos. Scott was curious, he unlocked the phone. 

The photos were something else, God did John look fucking fantastic. A part of him couldn't help being a little jealous, at all the things Gordon was doing to him on the ship right now. He needed to talk to him, but what if Gordon answered? Heck, he could always just hang up and blame it on Virgil. He pressed the call button. 

"Hello?" John's voice came over the other end of the phone. "Virgil? I thought I told you to f..." his voice growled. Why hell did Gordon send him his new number was beyond him. He only answered as Gordon was in the can thinking it might have been Alan or Kayo.

"John, it's Scott. Can we talk? Please?" He begged, he might not have the courage for this again.

"Scott? Yeah sure, I guess. What do you want?" John mumbled. He didn't want to speak to either of them, not today of all days.

"Listen, I... I didn't want to end things at our our last conversation. I wanted to apologize for the past two years of torture, mental and physical that I put you through. I'm not proud of what I did to you but at that time, it was what I needed. I'm not trying to justify my actions just... I'm genuinely and truly sorry. For everything." Scott blurted out his jumbled mess of emotions.

"Ok..." John didn't know what to say, this was unexpected - he was half expecting Scott had called to pick a fight. He didn't sound convinced that Scott was truly genuine. "Why Scott? Why me?"

"I don't know ok? Because I'm a fucking sadist! Look, you never deserved any of it. Frankly, I picked you because... ‘cause I think you're fucking beautiful ok? There I said it. I thought you were perfect.. I still do.” He sighed. “All I could think about obsessively every time I saw you was all the different ways I wanted to have you."

"Listen, I wanted to apologise because no one deserves to have experienced what I did to you. But I was drunk on the power I got from it. It was insatiable and... I fucking lost the plot ok?" Scott sighed, none of this was easy.

"And... I wanted you to hear it from me first ok?" Scott found it hard to breathe. "I... I'm kinda going into a relationship with Virgil. Not like ours... not that we had one... Fuck!" He slammed his fist on the table in front of him. 

"What I'm trying to say is I'm trying to have a normal relationship, Virgil's shown me a kindness I've never known before. I thought you should know about ‘us’ before you guys came home. I'm really sorry John, for everything. If there's any way I can make it up to you, name it and it's done. I don't expect you to forgive me overnight but I'd work on it everyday, for the rest of my miserable existence to make it up to you ok, Starman? Please?"

John stared blankly at the cabin wall before parts of his brain started to make sense of things.

“Don't… don't you dare call me that…” John’s voice was low and shaky. “Not now not ever.” he glanced at the photos on his tablet and realised that's all anyone saw - the starman. Even Gordon, John noted.

No one saw anything else did they?

“I hope…. You and Virgil -” John stammered. God what was he thinking? Even Virgil and his stupid drunkenness deserved better than Scott - Scott who was begging for forgiveness when John had no reason to have any. Or shouldn't have any reason at any rate but John knew he couldn’t be upset forever and Scott while he was a complete arsehole still had redeemable qualities. “I hope your both happy.”

John couldn't believe the words that left his trembling lips. If being a ‘pretty boy’ was what made Scott torture him then John didn't want to be in his body anymore. He couldn’t help what he looked like and didn’t think it was fair.

“Just… be gentle.” he said softly, hanging up the call. He stripped off the shirt and pulled his oversized jumper on, tossed the phone in the bed and walked out of the cabin. John couldn’t deal with things anymore. He needed to drink till his thoughts were drowned out.

So much for turning twenty five and having a nice time.

Gordon’s face dropped when he stepped out of the bathroom, the shimmery shirt tossed alongside his new phone and a complete absence of his older brother.

Shit! What happened? He grabbed the phone and swore when he realised he'd sent pictures by mistake...then there was a curious call listed. He dialed back, hoping for some answers.

"Come on...." Gordon grinded his teeth and paced around. "Pick up the phone!"

"John?" Scott answered. "Listen, I'm glad you called back... I..."

“Scott!?” Gordon’s hissed. Shit now things were more complicated than sending photos by accident. “What are you doing with Virgil's phone?! Hell, why were you - wait - you expected John to ring you back?”

"Gordon? Crap! I... er..." Scott, the man with nerves of steel during a rescue was starting to panic. "I er... I called to speak to John, to apologize for everything."

Gordon rubbed his face with his free hand. “Fuck could have picked a better day to do that!” Gordon swore gruffly. “Fuck fuck fuck! You saw the photos I sent by accident too I'm guessing? Shit I'm fucking in hot water! What exactly did you say!? No actually I don't want to know not right now - fucking hell!”

Gordon paced around more frantically, hunting for John's silly little map of the ship while he asked, “No please do tell me I changed my mind, I need to know. John could have gone anywhere right now and I'm worried as fuck about him! Seriously? You couldn't just send a message that said - oh I don't know - hope you're having a fun twenty fifth or something normal?”

"I... I'm sorry, I didn't realise it was his birthday, I forgot about the time difference. Look Gordon, all I ever wanted was to call and apologize to John. I didn't say anything else, I swear. Just find him ok? Make sure he doesn't do anything stupid. Look, I'm really sorry I picked today of all bloody days. Just look after him ok?" Scott pleaded. He couldn't believe how stupid he was, forgetting that it was John's birthday. 

'Fucking perfect timing as usual, Scott' he thought angrily to himself. 

"You can take it out on me when you're home. For now, just ‘please’ focus on finding John!" He begged.

“Kind of doing that right now, but if you tell me what happened it's make my search area smaller than a entire cruise ship full of fucking hiding places!” he took a deep breath to calm down. “John's had shitty birthdays before, he's not going to kill himself over it. I know that for fact - or did you also forget mum dying a week before it when we were little? Dad wouldn’t celebrate John's birthday at all remember? I think he's used to being a little let down… just fuck - I didn't want it to be today! I had it all planned - dinner, karaoke and a movie - then a big stupid present! Fuck I'm worried it's unsalvageable.”

Gordon then let out the most saddest sigh he had. “I'm really worried about him Scott. He's really hurting inside like I've never seen before. I’m trying to hard to show him how much I love him but I'm wondering if he's just too broken to want anyone else. I think we're ok one minute, then shit like this happens. I need time if I want to do this right and I'm running out of it. I'm not anything like you - nor want to be after the things you did - but I'm not like Virgil either, I can't just magically heal a broken heart nor can I fill all the holes that John has been left with. But damn I'm going to try, I just need the time!”

"I was trying to apologize. He asked me why, and I said that..." Scott cringed internally as he feared what Gordon will think of him afterwards, not that he had much of an image left to save. “That I picked him because I thought he was beautiful and that I still think so.I... I told him about me and Virgil possibly going into a relationship together, I wanted him to hear from me first. And... I may have tried to call him 'Starman' which he kinda sounded offended or freaked out about... I dunno."

"Gordon, I'm sorry for ruining John's birthday and your plans for the evening, but I swear it wasn't intentional. Really, I am. Just find John, and don't let him do anything stupid ok?" Scott begged, he had enough on his conscious as is.

Gordon sighed again this time running his hand through his hair. “That explains why he changed his top before he left. Maybe stop talking about his body for once? He's got a great brain too….” Gordon found himself mumbling softly as he added, “He’s always so calm and gentle when we need him most and always takes so much crap…. I guess we forget that after a while his emotions break down too because he's always been so strong for us.”

Gordon took another look at the ship's map. “ I wouldn’t panic, John's not going to kill himself. The very idea would be beneath him and we both know that.”

Scott sighed, everything he tried to do only made things worse. "I... I just gave him the truth he deserved, as harsh and as unwelcome as it was. I dunno... maybe try looking at the bars first. He might not be up for drowning his sorrows in alcohol like Virgil might but he might not be above ordering one just for the sake of it." He laughed, as he continued, "Be easier if we were kids again, you'd always find John in the same places after school or with you little monkeys while we were in the movies."

He sighed again, maybe he shouldn't have called? "Look Gordon, I'm happy for the both of you. l... I really am. Please don't go into this if it's just a rebound from Virgil. God knows I've broken John enough. I don't think he'd be able to survive this... he ‘really’ likes you. All I've done is mess things up for the both of you, but I'm really trying here. If both of you will let me, I'd make it up to you both, I swear I'd start being a better brother. Just take care of each other ok? And for what it's worth, I truly am sorry... for everything."

“I'm not rebounding from Virgil, Scott. If you didn't do what you did, we'd have still fallen through. I love Virgil it's true but things were not as perfect as Virgil thinks they were. If anything…. I guess I've had it in for John for a while without realising it and John had caught me out when were here. Virgil and I - I was only staying there to make him happy… but I wasn't happy doing that Scott, I didn't like lying. No us being over is for the best.”

He smiled. It felt good to be honest. Maybe Scott could move on and leave John alone too.

“I love John like I do the ocean, not only is it beautiful to look at but it's full of life that's fascinating and unique. Some of the most intelligent most wonderful things are found underneath the surface.”

Gordon’s smile then widened. “I think I know where he might be though alcohol might be the last thing on his mind. I know I'm the last person who should say this… but Virgil and you might be a better match than I ever was with him. He needs another passionate person which sounds like you are….when you want to be. Just don't expect John to fully accept this sudden change, that's all… I'm still a bit surprised myself but you're my brother so…. I guess it's complicated…. Just - just don't pretend to be anything other than yourself. The second you make Virgil think you're something better than you are you're going to find yourself in trouble, that's all I have to say for advice.”

"Thanks Gordon, coming from you it means a lot. Now, go find John. And... good luck."

“Er.. thanks Scott. Be seeing you.”


	23. Idiot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter by Lady Equinox

"Scott! A word?" Virgil was livid. He was so angry he could punch Scott out right now, but first, he thought he should give him a chance to explain himself.

"Yeah?" Scott was apprehensive, he didn't remember the last time he heard Virgil so mad.

He held up his phone. "Did you or did you not look through my phone yesterday? And did you call Gordon or John using my phone? And what the fuck did you say to them?!"

"I..." Scott sighed, there was no point in lying to him, the truth would out the moment Gordon and John were home. "Yes, I unlocked your phone and saw the pictures Gordon sent, then I called John. But it wasn't anything you think it was, I swear! I just... I just needed to apologize to John personally."

Virgil rubbed his face, his hands curled into tight fists, he had to resist every urge to punch his brother's face in for his stupidity. "Fuck Scott, the hell you go and do that for? Of all days? Yesterday? On John's birthday? God, you always have to make this about you, don't you? Couldn't you have at least given them one fucking day?"

"I forgot ok?!" Scott raised his voice, his temper too rising. "I'm the world's most horrible brother, but know that all I *ever* wanted to do was to try and set things right, not just for them, but for *us* too! Am I wrong to want that?!"

"Scott, you do know the road to hell is paved with good intentions right? It doesn't make it right though! They don't *need* our intervention. Especially not after my drunken fiasco with Gordon! If I know Gordon, John would have done perfectly fine with him by his side. What else did you say?"

"I..." Scott was more than a little scared that he might lose Virgil after saying this, but he had the right to the truth if their relationship was to survive. "John asked why I picked him. I told him that it was because I found him beautiful... that..." fuck! This was hard. "that I still do. I told him about us, I asked for his forgiveness. And I may have pissed him off by calling him 'Starman' at the end of the call."

Virgil had to admit, it stung to hear that Scott still found John beautiful, and he was jealous? But the boiling anger raging inside him won the internal war, and he couldn't hold it back anymore. "You fucking bastard!" He said, as he hit Scott with a well aimed punch. 

"God Scott, you are *such* a prick! There's more to someone than just their body! To tell that to your victim is bloody gross, and it's laughable that your intent was to call to ask John for his forgiveness." 

"*Please*... just leave the both of them well alone. They need healing... away from the both is us." Virgil begged, he was tired of having to deal with this. First, his own guilt with John, then losing Gordon, sleeping with Scott only confused him further. "Maybe... maybe we shouldn't have started at all. Let's take a rain check shall we? This... this was doomed from the beginning." He walked away before Scott could see his tears.

Scott leaned onto the floor, from where he had fallen from Virgil's punch. Was it so wrong bad that all he wanted was to set things right? Maybe he had damaged everyone and everything beyond repair. To hear Virgil say that they were a mistake hurt more than the punch he gave him to his face. Maybe he was right. Maybe it was time to walk away from it all...


	24. Proposing to the Pinball wizard

Gordon wandered around the arcade machines, smiling as memories of wasting hours and hours in them on the mainland when their dad took them out for trips. John was never into movies that much so he always got left with Alan and on occasion, Gordon too and he always unleashed them on the local arcade to play whatever they wanted till their coins ran out.

That was when they hunted John down to beg for more. They never got any, instead they got all the freebies from the claw machines John had been playing - and sometimes….

Gordon saw a small crowd around the pinball machines. By the sounds of the audience’s cheers, the player was doing really well. Gordon found himself feeling a wave of relief wash over him when he recognised the wizard working magic at the machine, completely engrossed in the game.

He never understood John's love for things older than he was - games included - but he still found it amazing how good he was at them.

John was in the zone, very little could distract him. He had headphones on, probably had Spiderbait’s ‘dirty’ pumping through them on repeat - his retro gaming tune out music for concentration - so he could block out the world around him and any thoughts, blowing bubble gum and chewing it furiously as if it channeled them into something constructive.

Gordon joined the throng and noticed the heap of lolly bags and big soda containers by the feet of the pinball table. Between balls John would reach for something sugary woof it down or scull it as if it was his only primary fuel source to keep going.

Eventually his luck ran out and a loud chorus of “AWWW MAN!” Rang out of the audience and the dispersed, John not looking one bit disappointed. He ALWAYS stopped moments before a high score. He could do it if he wanted to but for him the game wasn't about topping the highest points on the machine, it was more of a moment to recharge his batteries.

He put in another coin and Gordon let out an amused snort. John could be at this all night with that much sugar in his system. He removed John's headphone's and whispered, “What's the baseline?”

“278,567, but that's really too low for this machine, it should be easy to rack up a score of 498,543 for you average player maybe 897,543 for a professional.”

“What are you it cutting at?”

“Somewhere around 260,000. Got to say it's harder to keep lower scores than people think it is.”

“That's because they don't have brains like yours John.”

“Maybe.”

“Heh you know that's true.” Gordon watched as John pounded the buttons on the side for the flippers and how fast his hands jumped to and from the tilters, something Gordon wished he could do.

“I’m guessing you don't want to go out for dinner anymore huh?”

“Maybe another night…. Not feeling it.”

“I can see that.”

John missed the ball and slammed a fist on the side of the machine. “You said there was more to me than just what I look like…is that really true?”

“Yes.”

“Then how come - how come you were so adamant that I change my style?”

“Because it doesn't suit your personality.”

“Exactly what the hell is my personality? So far everyone's avoided telling me which screams out that I don't really have one… or one anyone likes. I wish I could have endless humility or bravery or be like yourself with your incredible sense of humour and sharp wit that everyone adores…..” he gripped the machine before straightening up in defeat. “More boring than a tree stump you called me once on a rescue…. What changed? I sure haven't as far as I know….still lame arsed John who wastes his brains on challenge games….if you allow me to call these games.”

“Sometimes I say things without thinking John. Unlike you I'm not the sharpest knife in the draw. I said that because you started hiding away from us and we never saw you to know much different. You used to be really fun, we'd hang out all the time but then after you went to university things just changed and I forgot how much fun we did have. It wasn't you that changed at all…. It was me.”

Gordon shuffled his feet, knelt down and inspected the junk food John consumed. Even he couldn't eat some of the stuff John had over the past hour or so in one sitting.

“But when I've been stuck on a mission where I've been on my own underwater for a week or more, you’re the only voice I have for company. Sure I'm a bit of a brat sometimes but I do appreciate it. John you look out for me beyond what anyone else does, heck You're the reason I got to go skydiving and bungee jumping for my twenty first! No one else would take me to that sort of thing. You know me so well when I started to feel shit that I didn't know squat back in return.”

He looked up at at John who was looking at him with interest. Gordon swallowed nervously, surprise how so much direct attention in everything he was saying was getting and was aware behind those eyes, John was picking everything apart with a fine comb and analyzing everything his ears heard.

“So I started trying to get to know you when we had those moments of just your voice inside my submarine…. Sure I still had problems with talking to you but I started to fall in love with you and not just because things with Virgil were a bit awkward - but because you were lovely to me. You filled me with confidence, respect and lots of other stuff I can't uh..” he frowned. “Articulate…. I think is that how you say it?”

“Anyway,” Gordon said quickly, while he dug something out of his back pocket, it was a bit of a wrestle because of his tight pants but he eventually managed to pull out a small box. “I know that we're brothers and yeah what I'm about to ask is illegal but since we're in a boat in the middle of the ocean and everyone here thinks you and I are lovers on a fancy holiday…. I thought well it's worth a shot -” Gordon coughed, realising he was rambling “Would you be mine John? All proper and official like? I mean it will only count when we are home in the middle of nowhere as legal but maybe… that's just enough to show you that you mean the world to me.”

Inside the box was a set of gold rings. They looked very plain - but then solid gold wedding rings usually do.

“Fucking hell!” John covered his mouth before he said something more stupid. He was turning very pink as he was getting hotter under his jumper.

“I don't care if it's wrong, but fuck I'd love it if it could be right.”

John pulled Gordon up off his knees by the hand and lend down to kiss him like he was the last person on earth. There was some clapping going on around them people who only saw the moment play out since it's impossible to hear above the noise of arcade machines but to them was the sweetest romantic thing they'd seen all cruise.

“Will you be mine, John?” Gordon repeated when they parted lips. He needed to hear it just for his own brain’s benefit.

“If you want to be mine too Gordon...then yes, I'll be yours.”


	25. Emergency

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Virgil - lady Equinox  
> John & Gordon - me

Gordon couldn't stop laughing. John full of sugar was too much fun. They had wasted most of that energy in the arcade, playing racing simulations, air hockey and Dance dance revolution - which despite John's long legs, Gordon was still faster at slamming down on the foot triggers.

“Hey, slow down a bit John!” Gordon panted grabbing him by the sleeve of his jumper. “You're going to have one massive sugar crash if we keep this up.”

“Nah, I'm totally fine Gordon. Want to join in some laser tag?”

“I think… I think I need a drink of water first….”

John slung his arm around Gordon's shoulders happily. “Sure. You haven't eaten anything either, you must be hungry too.”

“Yeah a little.” 

“There was a burger place back towards our cabin end of the ship, sound alright to you?”

“Anything is fine, it's your birthday after all.”

John grabbed Gordon's shirt sleeve to pull his arm up to look at his watch. “It kind of ended a few hours ago, so it's your call.”

“Really?” Gordon looked at the time himself. “Shit it's four in the morning!”

“It's ok Gordon, that sort of place is open all night. We won't starve.”

Gordon smiled. “Yeah, your right. Besides - this has been really fun, I don't want it to end yet.”

“Keep filling me with sugar and it won't I assure you.”

“Yeah about that John… you've had way too much junk food. Think it's time to cut back a little?”

John mulled it over. “One more creamy soda won't kill me. Like you, I'm enjoying myself and don't want this to end.”

Gordon kissed him and chuckled. John tasted of a menagerie of sweets and lollypop drinks and while it was intoxicating, he knew what it would eventually do to John's system. He was relieved he didn't need alcohol to turn a terrible time into a better one.

Gordon found himself laughing out loud. “John Tracy hyperactive superhero of endless fun - just add sugar!” he exclaimed.

John looked at him a little surprised by the outburst of laughter but found himself laughing along too.

“How about, Gordon Tracy - romantic comedy hero who gets the love interest in the end of the fairytale.” John said wrapping his arms around him and kissing him again.

“Only if it's to have this amazing prince.” Gordon purred as he pulled John in again for another one.

John nuzzled him playfully. “Can we skip the burgers? I really want to play.”

Gordon chuckled as he held John at bay. “Well we still have snacks from the other night, I guess that would be ok.”

“Gordon…. I think you might prefer this alternative main course.”

“Oh?” he gave John a pinch on the arm and he laughed. “You're trying to tease me are you?”

“Is it working?” 

“Fuck…. John you don't have to tease me…. You are always attractive to me, inside and out.”

John looked around and pulled Gordon into the nearest clothing store that was still open and lead him into the change rooms, pulling the curtain closed behind them.

“Oh woah! You mean in here?” Gordon was surprised and also impressed. This had to be the sugar rush still in play.

“You don't think it's ok in here then?”

Gordon grabbed John and pulled him into a long passionate kiss. “Damn I'd do it with you anywhere John, I'm just - wow this is pretty bold, even for you.”

“Heh maybe.. I want to end this night on a high, it's been so fun, full of surprises and I want it to be memorable for both of us.” he blushed. “I also want you to know that I'm ready… no more worrying about other people...just you….and - and that I'm all yours.”

“John-”

John put a finger to Gordon’s lips. “You gave me your heart today and your soul the day before….I don't have much to give you in return other than both of those things, along with my mind and -”

John stripped off his jumper leaving himself bare and pressed Gordon’s hands against his chest.

“You really want me to? Don't you want to give me something this precious somewhere nicer than in this? You're worth more than this John. You should have candles lit and a bottle of wine and all that flashy romantic stuff when you offer something up as valuable as yourself.”

“Gordon as long as I'm with you I couldn't care if it was in the most expensive hotel in the world or the back of a rusty old panel van.” John raised Gordon’s fingers to his lips to kiss them softly. “I only ever want you touching my body, only ever have you putting things inside it as only you have permission from me to do so.” he started to playfully lick them for a bit before speaking again. “I love you Gordon… I trust you with every part of me.”

Then John leaned over Gordon and kissed him with a gentleness he was more than excited to have it returned, his body shivering as Gordon’s wet fingers started tracing little trails along his warm skin. “Yes…. I do want this so much….us together, I meant it when I said that I want to be yours…. Only yours.”

As Gordon's fingers trailed patterns down his sides, John unbuttoned and zipped his jeans, showing off to Gordon with his strip tease. Gordon couldn’t believe that his brother could be such a tantalising creature but then he had first handly experienced what sort of animal he was in the bedroom and had been thinking about how much he wanted that strange beautiful and loving creature John was to be his lover forever. Now Gordon had that and more he was a little nervous in what to do with it.

“Wow….” Gordon couldn’t help but drink in the view as his brother stood above him naked while he sat on the poor excuse of a seat and with the mirror behind him, could take in every angle of his body. “John,” Gordon swallowed hard. “I want to take you properly in a way you truly deserve. Right now though since it was technically your birthday, I have a better idea.” 

He stood up and held John for a few minutes before moving him around to sit down on the seat. “You've got a mirror here too…. Will give you something to watch.”

Gordon got down onto his knees and started licking with his tongue along the length of John's erection. He was mindful that he couldn’t get it all the way into his mouth the last time so he decided to change tactic and teased with his mouth, kissing with his lips, nuzzling it to breathe in John's light soapy smell - Gordon surprised to find it still had traces of cleanliness about it though John was pretty neat and tidy in his appearance even if he tended to wear the most unexciting clothes.

John was purring on the chair, his arms stretched out holding onto the sides of the booth with his head leaning back into the corner. He should he been watching the mirror like Gordon told him to - but he felt so guilty doing so - heck even just looking at what he was doing to him just between his legs made him all flustered and go shy. 

“Gordon…. Ahhh I-I was supposed to be uhhhh - letting you nnnuuuhuhhhh!”

Gordon looked up and paused what he was doing to answer him.

“I know, but not here. If we do it here you'll want me to do it to you from behind but you deserve more than that… sure I could watch you in the mirror but it's not the same . John, when I do it with you I want to watch your face...see how flushed you get, kiss your lips and watch your body move so I can appreciate how lucky you make me feel that such a wonderful person like yourself is in my life.” 

He started to give him attention again, however he stopped after a few minutes when he heard his brother gasp out in what sounded like serious pain.

“John, are you ok?”

“Ah! Ow! No!” John yelped, his hand moving at speed to the right hand side where his kidney would be and the other around the pelvis. “Shit...I think….I think I need a doctor. It's happening again.”

“What’s happening again John?” Gordon started to panic.

“Kidney stone. It's stuck! Ah fuck I hoped I'd never get another one!”

“Wait, you've been getting kidney stones? Doesn't that happen to old people?!”

“No… anyone…” he winced. “I got my first one during university….had to re sit several lectures as I was in hospital for weeks. Dad promised to not tell anyone….. Argh! It really really hurts! That's why I'm circumcised Gordon, last time it was stuck in the tract and it almost caused my bladder to rupture.”

John was now bent over double, trying to contract his muscles. “I shouldn't have drank all that sugary stuff!”

“Sod that! I shouldn't have tried to bring you to orgasm!” Gordon exclaimed. “If it's lodged in the same spot that means you couldn't cum either without it becoming stuck!” 

“I need a doctor Gordon…. I really need one right now.”

Gordon pulled the jumper back into his brother and at the very least, helped him into his boxers before picking up his jeans and wrapping an arm around his waist to help him out of the change room.

The clerk behind the shop counter had been watching the security cameras with interest - despite the delay in feedback form the cameras she wasn't about to tell people not to have sex in her shop at five in the morning when no one was around to care and besides, when it was two guys that looked as hot as those two….

She was taken by surprise when Gordon leaned over the counter and ask where the nearest on board doctor was. She came out from behind her station and helped Gordon take some of his brother's weight till they were out the front of the shop and taken down some staff only corridors till they were at the ship's infirmary. Gordon gave his thanks along with John, who by this point looked like he could pass out from the pain.

Gordon had heard kidney stones were the only way a man could experience the pain of childbirth. If what John was going through was anything like that Gordon never wanted to happen to anyone else he knew.

The doctor managed to relieve some of the pain, but was concerned damage to the kidney might have been done as there was blood in what he had get out of John's bladder and suggested that the second they hit the stop over point in Germany that he should have immediate surgery.

“Fuck….” John mumbled when they were finally alone. “Why is it when something good happens everything else bites me in the arse?”

“It's alright John. You can't prevent things like this. You're just lucky it's happened here on earth and not in space.”

“I'd rather it didn't happen at all Gordon. Shit you must be thinking I'm such a dud right now!”

Gordon kissed him and held his hand. “You're never a dud to me. Even if we could never have sex I'd still be here for you by your side, like you always are for me.”

“I love you Gordon. Just wish I could be better for you.”

“You're just perfect for me John. I wouldn’t dream of you any other way ok? I love you.”

Gordon waited till John had fallen asleep from the pain killers before heading back to the cabin to pack all their stuff. Well even though the trip got cut short Gordon had to admit it had been fun to some degree and that he had now got a life long partner, one he couldn't live without.

He smiled when his eyes glanced at his hands, the shiny gold ring on his left hand. It made him feel warm inside to know John proudly wore his on the same finger on the same hand - his left hand being the one that was always the first to touch Gordon, the one that lead him into kisses, the one to guide him into loving him as much as he loved him back.

Gordon sighed as he took out his new phone. There was still one thing he had to do.

He dialed Virgil's mobile.

"Gordon?" Virgil picked up. Frankly after Scott had called them using his phone, he was a bit apprehensive about Gordon calling. He hoped it was not to pick a fight.

“Hey, Uh Virgil…. I need to ask if you guys could meet us up in Germany tomorrow?”

"Germany? Sure, but why? Is everything ok?"

“Ah… not really no. I need help checking into a hotel and things. We kinda had to cut the trip short…like halfway through.” Gordon took a deep breath. “John has to go into hospital...he's going to need some surgery.”

"Surgery? Is he ok? And... are you?" 

“I'm fine, John's just in some serious pain though.” How much did Gordon want to tell Virgil? “John's got a kidney stone and it's stuck, the on board doctor says it might be far too big to pass so he'll need emergency surgery once we hit port. I'm scared Virgil.... if it's blocking his urinary tract it can do some serious damage - l-like rupture his bladder or his kidneys. I'm just hoping we get him to the hospital in time.”

"Don't worry, John will be fine. He's been through worse and come out ok. Pack both your stuff. I'd fly out immediately. Call when you guys have reached port. I'd help settle you into a hotel, and we can go see John together from there. It's gonna be ok Squid, John will be ok."

Gordon was relieved a little but he couldn’t shake all his worries about John. It wouldn't be long before the painkillers wore off and he would be in agony again. “Thank you. I'll call you from the hospital.”

 

Gordon made his way back to the ship's infirmary and could hear loud screams of pain. A doctor grabbed him and asked, “You're his partner, the one who brought him in? We need you right now as we have to do an emergency removal of the stone.”

“What?! Now!?”

“If we don't it will rupture as it tries to pass through. You boys have partied quite a bit and the pressure trying to remove the stone is rather tremendous. We don't have pain killers that strong on board so we need you to help us keep him calm while we cut him open.”

Gordon nodded. He'd seen far worse things before… but wasn't ready for this. One of the ship's doctors was trying to hold John still and failing miserably, his brother was in so much pain he was bent over panicking and begging at the top if his lungs to have them tear it out if him. The man who lead him into the little room went back to clean up the blood that was leaking out, inspecting John's privates to work out where to make the incision to remove the stone.

Gordon took position behind John and pinned his brother down and so he couldn't watch what was happening he started singing a little random tune to try and get John to calm down with his voice. John yelped as scalpel cut into flesh and Gordon started running fingers through his hair and offered one of his hands up for John to sink his teeth into. He hissed and knew John had drawn blood but it was worth it for the Doctors to be able to relieve him of his pain.

Something big clattered into a bedpan and Gordon looked up to see what it was.

Shit! No wonder it was stuck! Gordon had never seen a kidney stone before but good god, covered in blood it looked pretty horrific that something the size of small eraser could cause so much pain. Gordon had a pretty good idea on how human anatomy worked and there was no way that could have passed through any urinary tract of any human being without causing permanent damage. He was relieved that they had removed it long before the ship docked….otherwise John would be worse off than he was. At least he will recover and get a nice scar for all his trouble.

One of the doctors looked up and saw Gordon’s left hand. “You're going to need some stitches there mate.”

“Gordon, I'm sorry.”

“It's alright.” Gordon kissed him. “You needed to. Don't be sorry for that.” he ran his hands through John's hair, watching his brother wince occasionally as the pain was still there but subsiding a little to a bearable level.

“Thank you Gordon.”

“No… thank you, for letting me be there for you.”


	26. Awkward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ya know who's writing who by now

When the boat came into port, John was whisked off in the dark into the back of an ambulance with Gordon in tow holding his hand the whole way.

By the time Virgil arrived at the hospital, Gordon was waiting in the foyer with all the luggage. Visiting hours were long over and Gordon was drifting off into a restless sleep against a suitcase.

Virgil bent down as he tapped Gordon gently on the knee. He couldn't help noticing the bandage on his hand and wondered what happened. He was pretty sure Gordon had said he was ok, but he figured questions could wait. Right now, he needed to get his brother into a proper bed.

"Hey Squid, wake up? Come on, let's get you checked into a hotel and a nice bed shall we?"

Gordon groaned as he sat up rubbing his eyes. “Virgil? Virgil you came!?” he stood up slowly about to hug him and paused instead grabbing some of the luggage. “Was worried you guys wouldn't believe me and make us find our own way around here.” Gordon looked around. “where's the others? Didn't you tell them? Thought at least Alan would be here pestering me if John was ok.”

"Why wouldn't I come?" I'd fly anywhere in the world for you, he didn't add. "I er... I kinda flew out the moment I got your call, didn't have the chance to tell anyone. I left them a holo message thou. Here." Virgil reached for the luggage. "I'd take that. You ok? Or do I need to carry you?" He joked as he smiled. 

It felt nice to be needed by Gordon again. He hoped he could begin to make amends on this trip, and show him how truly sorry he was. He didn't dare hope he could win Gordon back, but he could damn well try.

“It's only four suitcases, I can carry two of them. we travel pretty light, not as if we had any time for souvenir shopping.” Gordon paused thinking a little bit before saying, “You haven't asked how he is yet.” he watched Virgil's reaction with care.

"Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry." Virgil hadn't realized in his excitement to see Gordon, he almost forgot the reason he was here was because of John. "How is John? When are they scheduling his operation for? I hope they gave him something for the pain?"

“They had to cut it out on the boat Virgil…. they had to reopen those again just to check there's no damage. I don't know much else… other than he may need that kidney taken out. I won't know till tomorrow if they did it or not. they took him in just before visiting hours ended…. I've been here since.”

"They what? On the ship? With no proper anesthesia? God, that must have been tough on poor John. I'm really glad you were with him. I can't imagine anyone going through that alone." Virgil said, as he placed a reassuring hand on Gordon's shoulder. 

"Don't worry, hopefully it won't be a full removal, if it's partial, there's a good chance of his body regenerating it. If not, well we'd just have to be careful he eats right to keep the other one. No more of that freeze dried space trash he puts up with, in that tin can of his. I'd prep his damn meals myself if I have to. It's time he looks after his own health."

"He'd be ok, Gordon. John's a tough cookie. We'd see him through this."

“Uh Virgil, kidneys don't work that way. You liver does, but if he has his kidney out it leaves him with only one - hopefully it's still ok his other one other wise he is in trouble. He isn't an alien, whatever he's told you since we were kids.” Gordon frowned, disappointed that Virgil clearly didn't read up on anatomy just incase he needed to know things in an emergency.

Gordon sighed. He should have expected Virgil not to care. He grabbed the two heaviest cases and dragged them out of the hospital foyer with great difficulty.

Virgil ran after Gordon, scolding himself for saying the wrong thing. "Hey? I'm sorry. I... Here. Why don't you let me carry the heavy ones?" He said as he took the suitcases from Gordon, without waiting for an answer. "You're more than tired already. You take the lighter two ok? Come on, let's grab a cab to the hotel so you can rest."

“Oh alright…. Just - don't break my new guitar ok? I kinda want to start playing music again.” Gordon relented, giving Virgil the two cases before heading back to grab the lighter ones. “It's in the green suitcase so don't drop it ok?” he called back.

"I won't" Virgil said, wondering what had sparked Gordon's sudden interest in music again.

Gordon watched as Virgil hailed a taxi and struggled to speak in german, sighed and said to the driver, “Können Sie uns zum nächstgelegenen Hotel bringen? Würde es sehr schätzen.” then he sat back smiling softly to himself. Those few words John had taught him before they left on this trip becoming more useful than he thought. Admittedly he only learned a few sentences because it was just to spend time with John at the time expecting that he wouldn’t be the one uttering a word of german unless it was to say ‘please, thank you’ and ‘where’s the nearest thunderbox, I'm in dire need to have a slash.’

"So erm, what happened to your hand?" Virgil asked cautiously.

“John sank his teeth into it. Needed stitches. Painkillers on the boat were not strong enough for that level of pain.”

Gordon shifted it out of view. Something was up with how ‘nice’ Virgil was trying to be...as if he was STILL thinking that he and Gordon could be salvaged. He hoped that wasn't the case but the way he spoke about John's predicament before was niggling at him.

Gordon had to be very careful. 

His phone was vibrating in his pants pocket so he checked what it was. John has sent him a private message from his tablet, as John had set up a chat system on it so if anyone needed it they could contact him at any hour wherever he was and be anonymous while they poured out their darkest nightmares to him when they couldn’t sleep and they didn’t want anyone else to know. Gordon didn't find it surprising that only himself, Kayo and Alan used it for that purpose, Brains did for trivial science stuff and as for Virgil he wasn't sure. Gordon had a good idea why John never told Scott about it - he probably didn't want to be verbally harassed but Gordon may truly never know.

Gordon frowned. He didn't like what he read. He glanced up at   
Virgil who was looking out the window trying to think of more small talk. He quickly typed back and a silly grin crossed his face as a long reply was his response.

John was missing him already.

“John's awake.” Gordon said aloud. They're going to have to take his right kidney out. Sounds like a very complicated problem but since the other one is fine he's going to be ok once the procedure is over. He says they think he'll be on to go home after a day or two. That's good news, right Virgil?”

"That's great news. I'd send you back to the hospital so he has some company, before his operation. I wish I can drop by too, but my presence is the last thing he needs now." Virgil shrugged as he looked out the window again, recalling his last conversation with John. God, why was it suddenly so hard to talk to Gordon? He felt like he had his foot in his mouth the whole time. 

Thankfully he didn't have to, as the cab pulled up to the hotel. Virgil paid the driver, and gave a tip to the porter for taking their bags. "You go rest in the lobby, I'd get this sorted out."


	27. Failing to get the message

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Virgil - lady equinox  
> Gordon - me

Virgil walked into the hotel room first, followed by Gordon. 

"Urm Virgil? There's only one bed." Gordon said, clearly uncomfortable.

"Relax Gordon, it's not like we've never shared a bed before." Virgil tried to joke, but Gordon was not at all amused. 

He sighed. "Look, it's not intentional. Apparently, there's some huge conference going on and they're all fully booked. So is everywhere else, according to the concierge. Let's just be glad they even had this one to spare, ok?" 

"How about you take the bed? You need the rest. I'd just crash on the sofa." He smiled, as he walked away to grab the suitcases.

“Ummm sure Virgil.” Gordon said cautiously. He watched where Virgil put the cases carefully. The room was pretty posh, even if there was one bed. “How about we get something to eat?” he asked trying to take his attention off the fact this looked like it was on purpose. He had overheard the porter chuckle in amusement that this was the deluxe honeymoon room and while he didn't understand much german, he knew when they were being winked at and seen as something dirtier than just stupid tourists.

"Sure. You want to order room service or head out? Can I suggest room service? Cos you look like you're ready to fall asleep on your feet."

“There was a big bistro downstairs...that still looked open. How about that?” Gordon gave Virgil a smile. There was no way he could deal with room service, eating in here could lead to disaster.

"Sure. Do you need to change or we good to go?" Virgil tried to act normal, but he was more than a bundle of nerves. Fuck! He didn't understand what the hell was wrong with himself. Inside he knew this was going to be one long night, he dreaded.

“No I'm good, let's go.”

Gordon lead the way down back to the lobby and looked at where the diner was. It looked empty as if dinner had long finished.

“Er… Guess it has to be room service….looks like they're finished.”

"Come on then, let's get back to the room." Virgil bravely reached out, and grabbed Gordon by the hand.

Gordon allowed himself to be lead back upstairs. He was running on empty and distracted by thoughts of John reaching for him at the hospital and him not being there to hold his hand and tell him he's safe. He jerked his hand free from Virgil’s grasp the moment he thought of John all alone. 

“Virgil…. We're going back to the hospital first thing in the morning right? Before breakfast?”

"Of course. If that's what you want, sure." Virgil replied, more than a little disappointed at Gordon's reaction. He wondered why Gordon was being more than just a concerned brother to John, but he dismissed the thought. Opening the door to their room he asked, "So... what do you want for dinner?"

Gordon was pulled out of his thoughts. “Hmm? Uh oh I guess a BLT if they make one, anything will be fine really. Whatever they bring to guests after hours is ok as long as it's edible.”

Virgil nodded and called in their order with the hotel. He found Gordon looking forlorn sitting at the edge of the bed. "Hey, why the long face? John's going to be alright, you know that right? He's one tough cookie." Virgil couldn't help himself and reached out to envelope Gordon in a once familiar hug.

Gordon leaned into the warm embrace and mumbled, “I know Virgil, it's more than that I'm worried about. I guess I wanted a little bit more time to have fun like we used to as kids. Hey did you know he still has his little mind games with pinball machines? Ohh and we met these awesome guys from Britain who we played against at ten pin bowling! It was a blast!” Gordon sat up, clearly cheering up talking about the fun bonding he got to do.

Virgil laughed, relaxing a bit when Gordon had mention the other guys they were having so much fun with. For a moment he was wondering if Gordon and John had... no that was impossible, wasn't it? He shook that thought away, as he ruffled Gordon's hair playfully. "Why don't you go take a hot shower, and I wait for our food? You look like you could use one."

“Yeah I guess. Don't let me fall asleep and drown in there ok?” Gordon stood up and headed for the ensuite bathroom and started to strip off his tie dye shirt, pausing to inhale the smell of John, the boat and then he frowned. Virgil's smell was on it too. Not that it was a problem, he did just hug him…. But it did bother him a little when all he wanted to do was think about John.

He looked at himself in the mirror and realised how big a mess he was. Brushing his face to remove invisible tears he thought about soft gentle hands brushing his sharp cheekbones, a warm loving cuddle from a pair of slender arms and the feel of featherly flame golden red locks brushing against his shoulders.

Gordon started to take off his jeans, his mind racing with the memory of how clever John was in removing them, playfully tickling and laughing...letting Gordon do it all back in return. Gordon mimicked those finger patterns trailing over his skin and standing there naked with his eyes closed in front of the mirror his mind danced with the affection he was bestowed over the past week - most of it non sexual - and right now some of that was what he needed.

Virgil knocked on the bathroom door, "Hey Squid? Food's here. You've been in there an awfully long time. You ok?"

Gordon opened his eyes. The illusion was gone. He sighed. “Yeah, I'm fine… I haven't even got in yet. Give… give me…”

All night, he thought, closing his eyes again to concentrate on his imagination. No...it wasn't happening. Maybe that wasn't his imagination… but some type of ethereal experience?

He pulled back on his shirt and sat in a heap on the tiled floor. What - what if something went wrong? What if John doesn’t get through the night with the secondary operation? He thought about how delicate John was with him, fragile glass he said. Right now, he was the fragile one needing care. Gordon wrestled his jeans back on and stepped out the bathroom.

“Hey Virgil, Can we go back right now? I can't shower, not really hungry and I don't think I can sleep until I see that he's alright myself.”

"Yeah sure... I guess? You know what? No, we need to talk Gordon." Virgil didn't know where to start, and he was afraid of what he might hear. 

"John mentioned during my call that you wanted to give me a second chance. I have to know... is there still hope for a second chance for me? For us to start over?" His heart pounded in his chest, as his eyes searched Gordon's face for an answer. But was it the answer he was hoping for?

"Cos I'd chase you to the ends of the earth if I have to, if there's any inkling of a chance we can start over again….Listen, I'm sorry is a understatement. I won't do it again is a promise I'm making to you right now. And how do I make it up to you is a responsibility I'm willing to take up everyday for the rest of my life." Virgil begged.

"Heck, you deserve flowers on your doorstep and coffee in the morning. You deserve love letters on your dashboard and bloody ice cream sundaes at 3 am in the morning if you wanted. You deserve honesty everyday and to be kissed every minute of every hour, just so you can be reminded how fucking beautiful you are. I will always love you, Gordon. There are seas inside me, and the waves only sway to the sound of your name..."

Gordon sighed and rubbed his forehead. Not this conversation again! But he had a feeling it was coming with how Virgil seemed more concerned about him than he did John.

Virgil needed more than to be told over and over it seemed but to Gordon that just wasn't fair. Why should he tell Virgil he had another lover? It wasn't Virgil's business nor did he want him telling John things like how to treat him. John was fine on that score, far better than Virgil could be and less restrictive in what was accepted in return. 

“Virgil, please don't do this…” Gordon said bluntly. “We were over the moment you cheated on me, heck even if you didn't, we….we’d be over anyway at some stage ok? Sure, I still have feelings for you and I have had second thoughts a few times but everyone does when they break up. You always think that maybe you could fix things, even though you never really can.”

He swallowed hard and scratched the back of his head. “I can't pretend I enjoy being smothered by your affection, heck your rather obsessive even now. I can't deal with that. Our idea of fun and romance is so different I’m always putting what I really want aside to make you happy and shit you can't expect me to tip toe around your emotional breakdowns in fear you're going to do something extremely stupid to demonstrate me hurting your feelings or if I did something that made you question your trust of me.”

“Heck, stuff has been a mess on this trip away… but at least we've managed to deal with it and try to move on, I mean I made actual friends on this thing and scored a few phone numbers! Even John wants to get on with his life and heck if that was any if us, Virgil I doubt we'd be able to dust ourselves off and shut out the past like he manages to eventually do - Fuck even Scott who as far as I'm concerned deserves nothing wants to redeem himself and has every right to another shot with someone different.” Gordon was gesturing with his arms wildly. 

“We all want to just get on with our lives, the damage is done and it's over. Ok sure, Scott is as bad as you telling John that he treated him how he did as if he's trying to justify himself - but he shouldn't try justify why he was a fucking arsehole all the time - John gets it, doesn’t care what the reason was because it was done and he can't change that. Same with you and me. You used John, then helped Scott abuse him - I can't change that and neither can you! It happened you can't take that back.” Gordon paced the room away from Virgil, then paced back.

“Please, let me go Virgil. If you really do still love me then let me go and be happy for me that I've moved on. I'd like to think you could do better than me, heck I know you can. If someone wants to love you then let them in.” Gordon looked exhausted.

He looked like he was pleading now. “Please take me back to the hospital, Virgil. You can do this one last thing for me, can't you and we call it done? I don't know if we can go back to being just brothers and not lovers but I'd like to think we can try.”

His shoulders slumped. “If you don’t come with me I'll find it in my own, but it'd be really fucking sad that you care more about me, a person who doesn’t love you more than just a brother anymore than your sibling who does care about everyone no matter what happens but never gets that respect back in return.”

He started to head for the door. Luggage and things could vanish for all he cared. There was only one thing he needed right now and if he was going to be made to feel guilty about wanting to love another person than he was going to walk away.   
"Wait..." Virgil said as he held onto Gordon's wrist. "I'm sorry. I'd take you the hospital. I can't just leave you like this. Someone's gotta fly the both of you back, after John's released right? You'd need help processing his discharge at the hospital too. John's my brother too. Please... let me do this?"

"Pretend I never said anything ok? I get it now, we're over. We can at least still be brothers after this right? Please..."

Gordon freed his wrist and held onto Virgil’s hand for a moment before holding it properly. “let's just go ok?”


	28. Explosive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You know who writes what by now, we're very different in styles so it should be obvious by this stage

Gordon stepped into the hospital room and darted over to John’s bed by the far wall. John's arms were wide and Gordon threw his own around his bed ridden brother's waist tight burying his head into him. John's arms wrapped around him as he started to cry.

“Hey, what's a matter Gordon?” He asked, his voice sounding hoarse due to the drugs in his system. “Can't have missed me that much. You knew where I was and that I was in good hands.”

“I missed you John, more than you'll ever know.”

“I probably do but I'll admit right now things are kinda fuzzy.”

“Did they take your kidney?”

“Yeah… hence why I feel like I've been drinking all night. Far too many painkillers...they give them out like lollies here.”

Gordon hugged him tighter. “When can I take you out of here to look after you without all the drugs?”

“Tomorrow, I hope. I just want to be with you right now.” he rubbed Gordon’s back and nuzzled him like he would if it was Gordon himself lying in the infirmary at home.

There was a subtle cough and John looked up and finally registered Virgil's presence. Gordon could feel John's grip tighten protectively. He understood that Gordon would have been forced to call home but after everything seeing Virgil standing there alone not flanked by Alan or Kayo it did ring some alarm bells even if his brain was clouded by whatever the doctor's prescribed.

But then, even Virgil was allowed to worry about them being hurt and stuck in Germany….even if the truth was Virgil probably only came because of Gordon. A harsh reality but one John accepted only because when living in space most of the time, no one can reach you if things were to go wrong. Right now though it was only because making a scene in the middle of a public hospital ward would be a stupid thing to do.

John let his grip on Gordon ease up enough to pat the bed, inviting Virgil to sit down too. He couldn't alienate his sibling forever if he wanted to truly be Gordon’s life partner then he had to accept Gordon’s past as he had with his own.

"Hey John, how are you feeling?" Virgil asked, choosing instead to stand, this was more than a little awkward. If he had been harboring any thoughts of reconciliation with Gordon, it was all smashed to pieces at his feet now at their obvious display of affection for each other. "Listen, I got to make a few calls, make sure the rest of the family had gotten my first message and then we need to get the infirmary prepped..." He was rambling, and he knew it. But he couldn't stand being here right now. "You guys can have the hotel room after John's discharged. I'd just crash at the lobby..." Virgil exited the room without waiting for anyone to reply. 

He looked for the nearest exit to the outside and with shaking hands lit a cigarette. 

"Excuse me sir, no smoking on hospital grounds." A pretty nurse politely informed him.

"Right, sorry I wasn't thinking. I'd put it out right now." Virgil apologized as he took another long drag before putting out the cigarette. Shit, this was getting so complicated. He took out his phone and called home, desperate for a familiar voice.

"Hello?" Scott's voice sounded from the other end of the line. Virgil panicked and hung up. He wasn't ready to face Scott either, but he really needed to talk. 'Sorry, bad connection.' He texted Scott's mobile.

'It's ok. Hey, we got your message, but you left in such a hurry, you didn't mention Gordon's or John's last port of call, or where you were headed. You guys ok?' Scott texted back almost immediately.

Before he knew it or stop himself, Virgil was pouring his heart out to Scott about everything. From his messed up apology, to John's operation and condition, along with the display of affection he awkwardly witnessed.

'Wow, that is a lot to take in. You know I'm here for you, if you'd let me? Do you want me to fly out too?' 

'Thanks Scott, I appreciate it, but no thanks. I don't even have a room for myself right now, let alone you. I'd live. I just needed someone to listen.'

'Ok. Meanwhile, I'd get started on prepping the infirmary, like you said. Just keep me updated ok? And Virge? Don't hang up next time ok?' Virgil smiled at that last line, Scott always had a way of reading his mind. 

He walked back into the hospital, grabbing a sandwich from the 24 hour cafe in the waiting room. He took a deep breath and walked back over to John's bed at the end of the room.

"Hey John? Urm, Gordon didn't have his dinner. Maybe you can convince him to eat." He said as he put the plastic bag containing the sandwich on the bedside table. "I've had a word with the nurse to bring an extra bed in so Gordon can stay the night." He shifted uncomfortably, still unable to look Gordon in the eye. "Everything's getting ready for your arrival home. You should call home and let the others know you're ok... I'd be back tomorrow and work on getting you discharged ok?" Again, he left before they could answer. 

Virgil leaned against the room door, this was going to be hard. But they deserved to be happy. The least he could do was try to be a better brother. He decided to take the long walk back to the hotel, hoping it'd clear his head.

John nudged Gordon. “Grab him, bring him back.”

“What?”

“You heard me. You didn’t tell him did you?”

“No, because it would make everything messier than it is. John before we got here he was trying to get me back… after everything I just - want him to leave us alone.”

“Just do it Gordon. You both have the ability to be as dumb as a box of rocks. Virgil needs to be told and not left to make assumptions. It's not something I really want to do either you know but I’m going to have to go through this with Scott when we get home and I swear that’s going to be even messier.”

Gordon gave John a kiss. “Hope your right.”

“You know I bloody am.” he gave Gordon a tight squeeze. “Now go get that moron and bring him here.”

Gordon managed to catch Virgil as he was walking out the hospital doors. Good thing Virgil was a smoker, he stopped to hunt for a cigarette the second he was out in the night air.

Gordon grabbed him and roughly pulled his arm. “What is wrong with you? You can’t just fucking piss off like that. Sure you and I are fucking going to be as weird as shit around each other but FUCK Virgil, John wanted to see you too.”

He took a deep breath. “Stop thinking about you and I for fucking - Oh I dunno, maybe an hour? Maybe stop being sorry for yourself too!” Gordon grabbed his shirt so that both he and Virgil were now eye level, his brown eyes a blaze not going to take no as an answer. “Shit you could've given him a hug too, not everyone in our family is having sex with one another….”

Gordon let him go and ran his fingers through his hair and wandered around in a small circle.

“This - this is why you and I were going to fall apart even without interference Virgil. I have to always tip toe around you because you -”

Gordon stomped his foot. “Fucking hell John you’re expecting me to move fucking heaven and earth here to make an impossible miracle aren't you?” he shouted out loud. He snorted in frustration. “FINE, is this what you want to hear, Virgil? Because I shouldn’t have to justify myself to you since after I first said we were over and you having sex with Scott TWICE and then because you still thought we were together you TOLD ME ABOUT IT AS IF YOU CHEATED ON ME A SECOND TIME!” Gordon yelled at the top of his lungs, his face going red.

“After all of that…. John and I STILL DIDN’T FUCK EACH OTHER! Want to know why? Because he felt as bad as you did towards me. FUCK Virgil he almost handed himself back to Scott and then realised that would be a stupid move. If anything happened between me and John on that fucking boat it was alot of tears and trying to not make each other’s situation worse than it was.” Gordon calmed down a little thinking about what John just said about having to do this with Scott and it occurred to him that John wouldn’t be yelling his head off like this. No he’d be all quiet and serious and not budge if Scott chose to turn it into a fight. Gordon was finding more and more to admire about his older sibling the more this - stupidity - with Virgil continued.

“It took us a little while to get over this farcical bullshit Virgil. If anything… I’m lucky that John still wanted to love someone after all that shit Scott did to him. It took alot of effort for us both to… to get to the stage where I can say, ‘Yeah this is the guy I want to ask to be my fiance.’ And yes, we have had ‘SEX’ -” Gordon emphasized the word and watched Virgil wince underneath the burning fury that was in his features that was bubbling away ready to explode the second Gordon finished talking so he spoke as fast as he could to prevent him getting a word in. “But it wasn’t because we were REPLACING anyone in our lives… we were starting new - at least I thought that until Scott almost fucked everything up with his phone call….” Gordon fell quiet. “As I thought for a second I was replacing you, until I was proven otherwise by the most unlikely person on the planet. Here’s the difference between you and John, Virgil. John knows he’s wounded after what Scott did but he’s not thinking the world is over because of one person - he wants to try and start again.. And so do I. You have to admire someone like that, when they’re brave enough or too damn stubborn to let bad things rule their life.”

“I know we can’t have things go back to before you and I were lovers and I don’t regret we became ones…. But Virgil..” Gordon sighed tears hitting the pavement as his shoulders shook violently. “ You need to understand, it’s not always about you, not always about me, not always about Scott heck, not even John. It’s about all of us as a whole and how we ALL FUCKED UP. I can’t change things, neither can you or them… we have to accept things happen sometimes. Seriously, when I first heard about you and Scott I was kinda worried about you… but after Scott and I talked on John’s birthday… I realised that yeah, even a dumb arse like him deserves another chance to start again. I was pretty happy for you guys actually, I honestly thought that if you can move on then it was fine for me to. Boy… was I wrong on that score.”

“Look, John wants to talk to you anyway - it’s your choice to blow him off and feel shit for the rest of your life… or you can stay with us and help rebuild bridges… because I’d really prefer to do that than stand here, yelling at you till my throat is sore.” Gordon smiled a little. “John’s far too nice for his own good you know? But he’s right when he says you deserve to be told things I didn’t want to because I was afraid of how you’d take them… I don’t want you doing something stupid you’ll regret and neither does he. We worry about you Virgil, I just wish you could… never mind.”

Gordon was ballinging now, arms wrapped around himself as it was hurting so much.

"What the fuck do you want from me Gordon?! Can't you see that I'm ‘trying’ to be nice here?!" Virgil yelled back, his own pent up anger rising dangerously. “How can I show you how sorry I am for everything that I messed up? If what you wanted was for me to rip out my heart to show you how sorry I am, I would! But that's not the way life works..."

"Do you think this is easy for me? Did you ever stop to think that ‘maybe’ you two aren't the only ones hurting here? Do you wanna know why I ended things with Scott before coming here? Why I can't be with him? Because everytime I'm around him, I imagine he's you."

"God! There is not a day that goes by that I don't regret what I did to John and to you. It eats at me every single day. Monsters don't sleep under your bed, ok? They sleep inside my head! These voices don't stop and they keep me awake at night, they laugh at me when I look in the mirror and even harder when I cry. I wake up everyday fighting these same demons, and I'm so tired... How do you run from something that's inside your head?" Virgil spat.

"I'm sorry for all the times I hurt you both, for all the times I lied to you, and for every other reason you're so angry at me. But how can I say I'm sorry when I know these words aren't enough? How can I ask forgiveness from the both of you, when I can't even forgive myself?"

he sighed. "I fucked up ok? I'm only human. I never meant for any of this to happen..."

"I know John's too nice for his own good, but ‘please’ don't make me go back in there, you don't know what you're asking of me..." he trailed off before changing his tune. "Gordon, you deserve to be with someone who makes you happy, who doesn't complicate your life, someone who won't hurt you. You deserve someone who knows how to make things up to you after hurting you. Not someone who is just good with the words 'I'm sorry'."

"Look, I'm done, I'm going home. I'd get Scott to fly both of you back in Two. One's faster but John will need the medical facilities in Two... and you're a better co-pilot for Two than you are with One." he spun on his heels so his back was towards Gordon who was on his knees in great chest racking tears.

"You let go a long time ago, and I realize now that's time for me to do the same. I'm letting go..." Virgil said, in between tears of his own. "You know what the hardest part about walking away from you is? It's the fact that no matter how slowly I go, you will never run after me..."

He started to walk away when a hand grabbed him roughly by the collar, preventing him from going anywhere.

“Do I have to break your jaw to get you to talk to me and treat Gordon like a human being?” a voice said quietly in his ear.

“John?” Gordon breathed out between sobs, trying his best to stand upright and not look like he was a complete mess.

“You and I will talk later.” John said calmly. “This is a hospital, even if it's outside, we can hear you because you're so loud.”

He then glared down his long nose at Virgil who for a moment was taken off guard by his older brother standing outside in the cold air in a hospital gown with his blood stained jumper over the top. John towered over his broader sibling and he knew he was imposing on purpose.

“As for you, stop apologising. We get it, you're hurt we heard you the first time and gave you pitty. But to keep asking Gordon for it and making him feel guilty over something he shouldn't makes you sound childish. Sure, I'm not happy with him yelling at you like that but what do you expect when you keep walking away?”

Virgil started to get angry but John raised his hand and silenced him. Only John had that kind of power over his brothers, something Scott would love to know why that was so.

“Don't tell me you're not, as you are. Leaving Gordon here to cry - you're better than that, Virgil. If you aren't then I did something wrong when I used to look after you all after mum died.” John spoke softly.

“You've used up all the sympathy we gave and you expect more because you can't deal with the loss of a love? No. Not this time. You dug your hole so deep that no one wants to dig you out...but here we are we throwing you lifelines - don't throw them back at us otherwise you will have nothing as people will stop trying. Pitty can only last for so long and demanding forgiveness without wanting to help yourself…..makes it impossible for anyone to help you.” John gave a heartfelt sigh and a cough, the drugs really making his voice start to croak. “Right now I don't care if you guys won't talk to one another, I just want my brother's by my bedside - like I am always there beside yours. I have never asked for it but then, I've never been the one in the hospital bed, or the one stuck in bed with the flu… or the one who has had recurring nightmares from failed rescues, however I've always been there to offer cuddles, support, a shoulder to cry on and a bed to crawl into until the dreams went away. To tend to your colds, your fevers and your broken limbs...I've done it all.”

John’s voice started to sound dry. “If you leave, then that's fine. Your choice, can't force you to stay.” he winced as pain started to flair up in his right hand side where the stitches were and his body was realising he only had one working kidney so it was going to start complaining about the extra work it had to do.

“I'd be pretty devastated if you can't offer me the same respect though.” he managed to say before reaching up to where the pain was blossoming and spreading. “Remember the day we were told mum died? The two of you were so mad at one another you started to take it out on me. You were only little, but even seven year old me couldn’t take it from both of you at the same time. That was a pretty crappy birthday….but then that night when you both crawled under the sheets of my bed in tears I read your both stories and sang songs till you both fell asleep as the sun came up….. or the time you both started high school, Virgil you were so angry that Gordon was skipped ahead to be in your year level and how you both got me landed in detention for breaking up your fight in the school ya- Ah!”

John doubled over as the pain was too much for his body to handle. Gordon grabbed him but John still collapsed on the ground in agony.

“Virgil! You have to help him please!?” Gordon begged.

"Jesus Christ, John!" Virgil scooped John up in his arms and ran back inside the hospital, not waiting for Gordon. 

"I need help over here!" He yelled, as he ran into the emergency department. A few doctors and nurses came running up and Virgil gently handed over John to them. "Please... take care of him. He's my brother, he just had an operation a couple of hours ago." 

All of a sudden, he was left alone as they wheeled John away on a bed. "Fuck!" Virgil swore as he punched the nearest wall. He crumpled onto the floor, mentally drained. He wanted to make things right, he really did. But everything he did only made things worse, and now everyone around him was paying the price for his mistakes.

Gordon wasn't far behind Virgil, but boy could the big guy run! He watched his brother slump against the wall and his broken heart continued to crumble.

Gordon hesitated and reached out to touch him, getting to his knees to hug him tight. Virgil could push him away but right now he didn't care. John was right, they had to behave themselves as right now he needed them by his side.

A nurse eventually tapped the both of them. “Mr. Tracy is asking for his family. He's been moved to ward 2 south, so he has a empty room where you both can rest on the empty beds to be with him. He said he won't take no for an answer. He may have to stay longer after being outside, but hopefully it's just a matter of painkillers. He'll need some clean clothes to go home in if his discharged but that can be worried about when they make their decision.” 

Virgil was ashamed of himself, after all that he had done to push them away, his brothers were still reaching out for him. He didn't deserve them. He held back the tears that threatened to come, and finally found his voice. "Hey? How about you and me call a temporary truce for John's sake?" He stood up, and smiled at Gordon. "Well? Come on, John's waiting." He said as he walked ahead.

Gordon was willing to accept that. It was at least a step in the right direction.


	29. Honeymoon suite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Contains non english text - I speak Hungarian as a second language (my father's parents spoke it alot) and i thought what a interesting way to declare love for one another.

“So, this was the room huh?”

“Yep.”

“So he had no idea this was the ‘honeymoon suite.’ I find that kind of hard to believe.”

“I can’t believe you demanded a second room for him.”

“Virgil is not sleeping in the lobby, no matter what he thinks of himself.” John shook his head. “They either got him a room or we were going to another place and they'd refund our money. I know we're supposed to be the sons of a billionaire but no one walks all over us just to have fingers on our money.”

“You're really scary when you negotiate with people John.” Gordon laughed, squeezing his hand tight. “So, what do you want to do? Virgil said we’ll fly out in the morning so there's not much opportunity to do a whirlwind tour of Berlin. Besides, you can't exactly go very far.”

“I don’t mind what we do Gordon. Right now I'm just happy.” John kissed him on the forehead, brushing back Gordon’s waves that were now all in his face with his hand. “So you guys are golden now?”

“Er… more or less.”

“That's good enough for me.”

“Is it? He's going to still find us two really hard to be around, heck after what I said, I'm going to still feel strange around him.”

“It will pass. Better stuff is in the open.”

“What are you going to do when we get back? I mean Scott kinda already knows.”

“Good. Makes less work for me.”

“I'm serious John. If he's still attracted to you-”

John kissed Gordon on the lips lightly. “Then that's his problem. However I don't think it will be an issue.”

“Really?”

“If he meant what he said about Virgil and wanting to try again properly…. And Virgil isn't a pushover by any means, how he's still fighting for you long after you were finished shows that. No, if anything Virgil will teach him things about caring for someone.”

“Do you ever wish you could have?”

“No. I wished I could have been strong enough to fight back. It doesn't matter anymore, Gordon. I'm not a fighter unless it's about stopping someone else getting hurt.”

“That's still a worrying thought, you letting Scott be that way so he didn't hurt anyone else in the end….if that's what you're getting at.” Gordon reached up to play with John's hair. “I don't ever want to hurt you. If I do, you bloody well tell me off ok?” he pulled him into a tight embrace. “You promise me.”

“Promise.” John was kissed passionately by Gordon and pressed a finger to his lips. “Hold that thought. May I borrow your phone?”

“Oh, how come?”

“I’ve been thinking…. Berlin is too nice to be alone.”

“You're going to message Scott?!” Gordon looked surprised.

“Virgil deserves some company too… and Scott did say they were together.”

“Uh about that -” Gordon paused and decided not to tell John about Virgil’s decision to throw Scott under the bus. You never know, if Scott is truly genuine it would do Virgil some good.

John sent a text with the name of the hotel and Virgil's room number to Scott with the tagline ‘needs cheering up’ at the end. Then he tossed it aside.

“So… where were we before this detour?” Gordon smiled deviously, his hands wrapping themselves around John.

“Well… we may have to think of an alternative. It will still really hurt for a while. Doctors said there's still chance of some bleeding for a few more hours.”

“Doesn’t put a complete halt on any fun, there's ways around that.” Gordon chuckled.

“Oh?”

“This - this setting, sexy hotel honeymoon suite… it's beyond perfect for someone as amazing as you.”

“Ah.” John smiled shyly. He realised what Gordon meant. “I'd really like that...if you want to.”

“Damn hellfire I've wanted to for a while, I've just wanted the place to be perfect first.”

John laughed. “Anywhere is perfect if it's with you.” he kissed him again, a little more passionate and lingering there a little longer. “Ich liebe dich Gordon. Du bist das Licht, das mich nach Hause führt.”

“Oh goddamn John! I didn’t understand a word of that but man...that was really sexy.”

John thought for a second before repeating it in another language, one that Gordon had studied in school. “Szeretlek Gordon. Te vagy a fény, ami otthon vezet.”

Gordon turned redder than a beetroot. “I forgot how many languages you had to learn to speak. You sound incredible no matter what you speak but damn, saying that in Hungarian takes the cake!”

John smiled and nuzzled him, then whispered into his ear, “Ön több, mint egy fény, amely ragyog, te vagy a világítótorony, amely a kezemhez vezet, a túlélő éles és törött kövek mentén és az ölelésed melegében. Soha nem érzem magam a világ súlya alatt, amikor veled vagyok.”

Gordon translated that aloud. “You are more than a light that shines, you are the lighthouse that leads me to shore by the hand, past all the sharp and broken stones along the shore and into the warmth of your embrace. I will never feel like drowning under the weight of the world when I'm with you? Aw damn hell John, that's so beautiful!”

Gordon nuzzled John back affectionately and trailed kisses down his neck, bare for the time being as having jewelry in hospital is just asking for it to be stolen.

“John, te vagy több, mint az éjszakai égbolt, amely az óceán örök társa. Hogy a víz szikrázik, és az összes teremtmény a felszín alatt olyan sok szépséggel és életsel ragyog. Te vagy a mágikus bálna, aki barátságos a kíváncsi teknősvel, a teremtés végtelen szeretettel adományozni, és a dal, ami a világot megfordítja.” Gordon purred as he removed John's t-shirt and started to tickle him, watching with interest how he wriggled and squirmed. 

Gordon was gentle around the huge scar on his right hand side, trailing his fingers over it lightly wondering for a moment what horrors could have been if things had been worse than they were.

“Gordon, ez gyönyörű volt.” John started kissing him, nibbling his bronzed shoulders, tugging at Gordon’s shirt playfully to drop the hint that he wanted it open.

“Nem, John. Teljesen szép vagy.” Gordon helped John playfully remove his shirt and shivered as his hands started to touch him in the ways that he had missed, so tender and hesitant but boldly daring to explore every inch of his body.

“You know, Gordon...I'd be happy if we just played like this forever.” John whispered. 

“I'd like that too.. but right now - I want to show you how much I want to be with you.”

Gordon gently lead John over to the king sized bed and sat him down before pushing him backwards down into the satin sheets. For a honeymoon suite they certainly didn't skimp out on extra extravagance for the romantic couple.

“Hey, I've been thinking, I know that the rings may not be more than a promise, due to obvious legal implications...” John smiled sweetly, “But that doesn't mean your gesture was meaningless. The reasons rings are used is symbolic of the eternal bonds that you share. They have no end point they just continue around in a loop forever.”

Gordon laughed. “John, can you not try to show off how smart you are when I'm trying to get you all warm and ready?”

“Aww… thought you liked my brain's level of intelligence?” John teased.

Gordon grinned deviously. “Valóban igen, de ezúttal nem szabad átgondolnunk ezt a pillanatot, amit meg akarunk osztani.”

“Aw, that's no fun.”

“John, just for once…” Gordon started tickling him and his brother snorted and squirmed, trying hard not to laugh. While he was distracted Gordon wrestled him out of his pants and boxers, his fingers dancing over his lover's skin till instead of laughter he started to hear a slight purring sound. That was what he was after. 

He leaned over to kiss him and John smiled childishly, “Leave the shirt on and open….I really think it's sexy.”

“Oh?”

“Yes, though you in top of me is forever going to be so.”

“As long as you dominate me now and then John, I'm more than happy to be on top.”

“Really?”

“Uh huh. It's a real turn on to see you getting a little controlling over me.” Gordon found the other scar above John's pelvis, just above his excited member and ran his fingers across it and then lower along the length of John's needy body, watching his lover arch up he wrapped his arms around him to explore his mouth with his own.

Gordon wriggled himself free of his own shorts and underwear and pressed himself against his lover so both their erections were touching, rubbing together as they continued to playfully tease one another. Gordon didn't want to force John into this so he waited until his lover's legs parted on their own accord before he pressed him gently before he entered.

Wow… John was really warm. Gordon let out a growl and John shifted his legs so Gordon could still lean over and kiss him, the height difference now more evident between them as John also had to sit up on his elbows in order for them to reach each other.

Gordon didn't really know how this was supposed to feel, but he remembered John being worried that he wasn't going to be tight for him. He found that he didn't mind as his lover was quite snug and deep with a little bit of wriggle room. He knew he wasn't completely ruined by the sounds John was making as he slid in and out, changing the pace and his thrusts playfully so he could watch every reaction to his lover had with him inside.

John stretched out under him and Gordon’s heart raced. He'd never got to see what effect he could have on another and he was willing to drink this up with how fantastic John looked, his face all flushed, his body flexing and moving in time with him and then there was how much he seemed to enjoy the attention, Gordon rubbing one of his hands along his member, feeling how strong and hot it was.

Gordon wanted to be like this stuck in time forever. The flutter of his heart and the pure beauty of his lover was something he would find he could treasure.

He thrusted as deep as he dared as a hot wave rushed over him and he found he couldn't hold it, one big burst of energy was all it took to unleash his ogasm, feeling guilty a bit that he couldn’t stretch it out like John had done on the cruise ship. He collapsed into John's chest and waiting arms where he was kissed and nuzzled and to his surprise, wasn't asked to withdraw. 

“you were amazing Gordon.”

“I wanted to try what you did to me...how did you do it?”

“delay orgasm? Gordon, you don't have to for me. It can hurt if you do it wrong.”

“Really?” 

“Yes.”

“So why you doing it now?” Gordon teased.

“Gee, I'm not sure could be because I'm worried there will be blood I'd rather you didn't see?” John looked concerned.

“I'm sure if you hold it it will be worse.” Gordon raised an eyebrow.

“You're right. So maybe we just let it-”

Gordon didn't let him finish the sentence. He kissed him and removed his shirt, then brought John up to climax while barely breaking off for breath. He used his shirt to catch as much of the cum as he could and John groaned as Gordon gave it a bit of an inspection.

“There's a little..no big deal.” Gordon gave John a nudge. “It makes it go slightly pink.”

“Seriously?!”

“Heh yeah, it's kinda funky looking!” Gordon chuckled.

“Please… Gordon…” 

Gordon leaned back to kiss John. “It's ok, it's not like it's forever and you don't know why it's happening. It'll pass.”

“Still, it's damn embarrassing.”

“It's not a total mood killer.”

John smiled shyly. “Want to go again? We've got all night.”

Gordon blinked. “You sure? I don't want you to think I'm going to use you just for sex now we're taking this seriously between us.”

John pulled him close. “I know you won't. I trust you, probably more than I do anyone in this planet.” he brushed Gordon’s sandy coloured waves back and smiled when they fell forward again. “The last week and a bit alone…. You've given me so much compassion, so much concern and love...you've been there for me when others wouldn't or felt forced to be….Gordon, I trust you with every part of me…. Because of the things you've done.” 

“Gordon… I don't doubt if you were not here for me… I don't really know what would - I'm sorry, I shouldn’t think it….but I can't help -” he took a deep breath. “I thank my lucky stars that you love me.” he kissed him in the forehead and held him close. 

“John?”

John let Gordon sit up a little. “Yes?”

“I kind of find it really hard to believe I'm the only one who cares about you….but then, I think everyone is afraid.”

“Afraid of what?”

“Losing you and admitting they didn't do anything till it was too late.”

“I don’t know Gordon...until you walked by accidentally no one would have cared what happened to me. I'd have had my birthday hiding up on Thunderbird five...and continued to just...be a voice of little importance. Like you said, if this happened to me in space…”John swallowed hard. “I wouldn't be here… and no one would've…”

He coughed. “Doesn't matter ok? Right now… you're all that matters to me.”

“John… please don't scare me like that.” Gordon held his face with both hands. “It's bad enough I have my own vivid imagination.”

“I know. I think about these things too you know about you guys. Every bad day you have and just blurt it all out...every injury I tend to, every moment you're haunted by terrifying dreams….You need someone to listen and I'm just saying….I appreciate that you're doing that for me.”

John nuzzled Gordon and trailed kisses down his neck and shoulders. “I love you Gordon, I mean that with all my heart. Forever I will be in your debt.”

Gordon let out a chuckle. “No, that's where you're wrong. We need each other. You've always been there, even if some of that time it was in the background. This entire mess - I’ve been so very lucky to have you be there for me when...my head was all over the place. For a start - I don't think I'd be ok if… if what happened the other night….I'm only getting past it because of you and how much I admire and respect you.. and want to be as brave.”

“I don’t about brave… stubborn as an ass not pulling a farmer's cart to market more like.”

“An ass? Why are you referring to yourself as a butt? Why would a butt pull a cart?”

John rolled his eyes. “An ass is another word for donkey. where the hell did you learn your english?”

“Not from you clearly John.” Gordon teased. “Seriously though, if that's what that word means then why would people call each other a donkey hole? It makes no fucking sense!”

John pulled Gordon into a passionate kiss, parting his cheery red lips with his own rosey pinks. “Just shut up and fuck me Gordon.” John purred. 

Gordon lasted longer this time around but there was no way he could keep that level of energy up all night on the amount of sleep he had over the last 24 hours.

As he slept naked and buried into John's watchful and protective embrace, the nightmares that he had pushed aside started to attack his sleep - causing shakes, mumbling and the odd random bout of shouting, calling John's name.

Every twitch, yelp and squirm was comforted, nuzzled and sang to until they eased till the next one came twenty minutes to an hour later and John would do it all again, reminding Gordon he wasn't lying in the hotel bed alone.

John thought back to all the times he had to do this for Gordon, though as a brother and not a lover. It certainly felt different, like Gordon needed him there beyond just making the bad dreams go away…. Gordon would need him to kiss him, hold his hand, squeeze him tight and be shown - not just told - that John loved him every single day.

John smiled at that thought, as it made him feel warm inside like he never felt before. He made a silent promise he intended to keep, one where no matter what he was supposed to be doing, he would be at home every night and all of his free time would be spent in Gordon's company, even if they were just playing video games or watching movies, John wanted to be that spark of mischief and fun that fueled the adventurous and outgoing fire that was Gordon.


	30. Second chance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lady Equinox -chapter is by

The doorbell to his room chimed softly, Virgil frowned, he wasn't expecting anyone, and he wondered who it could possibly be.

"Scott? What are you doing here?" He was definitely not expecting his eldest brother.

Scott didn't say anything, but fidgeted uncomfortably in front of Virgil. He didn't want to lie to Virgil, but he wasn't ready to throw John under the bus either.

Virgil groaned, there was only one explanation. "John called you, didn't he?"

"Noooo?"

"He texted then?"

Scott nodded. Virgil sighed, he didn't know whether he wanted to kill or thank John right now. But the truth was he didn't want to be alone right now. "Come in, I guess."

"So how did you know? Maybe it was Gordon?" He mentally kicked himself for bringing up his name.

"After what I put G through? I don't think he'd be particularly concerned about my emotional state right now. John on the other hand? God, that guy's practically a saint. Too forgiving and way too nice for his own good."

"I texted that we were in Germany, but I don't think I told you which state or hotel we were in. Plus, I would have known if you tried to track mine or Two's location." Virgil shrugged.

"Wait, how would you have known if I tried to track your location?" Scott frowned.

"John might have written the program, but I helped Brains upload it into the system. I couldn't resist tweaking in a few 'additions'. John's not the only one in the family who knows how to code." It was his turn to squirm uncomfortably in front of his brother, bracing himself for the lecture that he knew was coming.

Scott wisely choose to let it slide for now, he'd have a good talk with Virgil about this another time. He didn't come all the way here to pick a fight with Virgil.

"I take it you haven't eaten? I saw a diner on the way here, hopefully they have some decent burgers there."

"Ok, I guess? How did you know I hadn't eaten?" Anywhere was better than being alone in the room with Scott, suddenly realizing this must been how uncomfortable he made Gordon that day in the other room.

"You my dear brother, have always been extremely grumpy when you're hungry." Scott laughed. "Come on, grab your jacket."

 

 

When the food eventually came, Virgil realized he wasn't hungry anymore. He stared intently at his food, cursing the uncomfortable silence between them.

He jumped a little, when Scott put a concerned hand on his. "Hey? You were miles away."

"I'm sorry... I was just thinking of... stuff."

"I know you're feeling vulnerable right now, and I don't want to push you. But you know I'm here for you right?"

Virgil took his hand away, God he really didn't deserve any of his brothers, not even Scott. "How? How can you want to love me? After what I did to Gordon... to John? Even I'm disgusted with myself." He looked away.

Scott couldn't help but laugh a little. "I could ask you the same question. How can you stand to be around me, knowing what I'm truly capable of? I did more than some horrible stuff to John, and that ended up hurting Gordon too."

"But that's the thing about love, isn't it? You see someone at their lowest, darkest times and you still think their light shines." Scott continued.

Virgil kept quiet, he was flattered by Scott's attention, but he wasn't sure if he was ready to try again. "It... it took me a while to realize that... it was me who was smothering him - I'm darkness, dimming his light..." He confessed.

There was no need to mention names, when it was clear who Virgil was talking about.

"Bring me your suffering.  
The rattle roar of broken bones.

Bring me the riot in your heart.  
Angry, wild and raw.

Bring it all.

I am not afraid of the dark." Scott quoted.

"Mia Hollow." They both said at the same time, Virgil laughed. "How did you...?"

"God Virgil, I thought you knew by now. You start quoting poetry when you're piss drunk." Scott laughed referring to the last time he got drunk, but wisely made no mention of the infamous call Virgil made to Gordon that same night.

Virgil laughed too and started to relax, and started munching on the fries.

"Look, I know it may be too soon to try, but how about we give each other another chance? Start from a clean slate? Take things slow this time?" Scott reached out again for Virgil's hand and this time he didn't pull away.

"Virgil, the thing is just because the past didn't turn out the way you wanted it to, doesn't mean the future can't be better than you imagined."

Virgil knew Scott's words made sense, so did Gordon's and John's. Maybe it was time he stopped feeling sorry for himself, and to pick himself up again. For someone who had been spending so much time running away, he was immensely grateful that the people around him didn't give on him, and continued chasing after him. He must have done something right in a previous life, to deserve all this kindness. Virgil made a silent promise that he was going to spend the rest of his life, making it up to each one of them. This was a debt he doubt he would ever be able to repay.

Virgil gave Scott's hand a tight squeeze, "Ok. I'd take this chance, if you're still willing to have me."

"Virge, it will always be you and only you." Scott smiled, his heart leapt with joy as he kissed the hand of the man before him.


	31. Pending worries

“Are you sure they'll want to go out with us for morning tea, Gordon? They might just want to go home.”

Gordon placed a hand over the top of the one resting on his knee, his gold ring glinting against the two John had on his. “You're worried something went wrong? You only has his best interest at heart. He clearly didn't want to be with us and he couldn't be left alone when he needs someone to look out for him.”

“I know. I’m beginning to think I should have called Alan instead…. I'm worried Gordon. What if I made things harder?”

“And the alternative sounds better? At least Scott knows about us.. explaining this to Alan probably isn't a good idea just yet.”

“Yeah...things are already complicated without mentioning we've all had sex with each other in some way, even now I'm picturing the horror and disownment on Grandma's face. Then there's us and how we want to have everyone accept our relationship. I'm scared, Gordon. Sure, dealing with Scott and Virgil won't be easy...but everyone else.” John squeezed Gordon’s knee. “I can deal with two of you at a time...sometimes, but not a room full of people. I don't cope with confrontation well, not at that scale.”

Gordon glanced around the hotel foyer but failed to see their brothers. In a way he was as nervous as John was about them, there was every chance they could throw them into the fire to watch both of them burn. It was going to be tough convincing everyone they loved each other beyond brothers without it being thought of as disgusting monsters but if Scott and Virgil chose not to keep their mouths shut about them being involved with them as well…..

It wouldn't matter how much they loved each other then, everyone will go out of their way to make sure they never spent time together again… and Scott and Virgil would get away with it.

Gordon didn't care if they kept whatever their affairs are secret, but like John - wanted their own to be ok if they were public with it. Those few times on the cruise where people mistook them for a proper husband and husband couple where they could be free to express themselves and the affection they have for each other felt amazing - He didn’t want to go back to hiding in the dark feeling guilty and dirty.

He was under no illusion in that scenario that Grandma would try and set him up with Penelope again. He liked her but he knew he could never love her the same way as he does John - and John would probably exile himself permanently so they couldn't interfere and simply forget he existed.

He could understand why his brother was worried about Scott and Virgil. They needed them on their side, but they were also a huge risk at the same time. And even though they have each other, the rest of the family dealing with this information was going to be the hardest challenge yet.

Gordon ran his fingers over John's hand as they sat there together, waiting for a future that might be virtually impossible to have go in their favour. John then placed his other hand over the top and gave Gordon a nervous smile, his cheeks all flushed rosy pink to match the hot feeling Gordon knew was showing across his own face.

“We'll be ok, as long as we're together - accepted or not.” John kissed Gordon on the cheek and cuddled his arm around him, keeping one hand on top of Gordon’s to hold. “We’ll think of something. I don’t want us having to hide from everyone, that’s not fair.”

“You read my mind.” Gordon smiled, brushing John’s hair back with his free hand and kissing him on the forehead.

Both of them perked up when they spotted Scott and Virgil enter the foyer, John reluctantly removing his arms from around Gordon’s shoulders. As much as he knew they were over, I was probably best not to push too many of Virgil’s buttons by being overly affectionate with Gordon despite the fact they had moved on. John didn’t need to be put back into hospital if Virgil punched him. Gordon could feel the change come over him and put his own arm around John’s waist, a reminder that everything was going to be ok and that he shouldn’t have to worry.

Scott pointed over to where Gordon and John sitting together, and they made their way over to them. Virgil wasn't sure if he could do this, but his brothers needed him to at least try.

"Hey guys, good morning." Virgil stammered, God this was hard. "It's ok. You don't have to tread carefully around m... us... We're ok with you being..." Virgil struggled for the right words, and looked desperately to Scott for help.

Scott laughed, for someone who was usually so good with words, he found it extremely cute with the way Virgil was fumbling for the right things to say. "What Virgil's trying to say is, that we're ok with you guys being open around us. You don't have to hide, not around us, and you shouldn't have to." He said as he took Virgil's hand into his own and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "We're trying to work things out between us on our own too."

"And er John? Thank you for texting Scott." Virgil shifted uncomfortably, he felt himself turning red. "I..."

"Guys! Enough with this awkwardness already." Scott joked, hoping to ease the tension. "Now, wasn't there supposed to be breakfast or tea, or food in general? I don't know about you, but I am starving." He said, as he lead Virgil by the hand to the hotel bistro, and motioned for Gordon and John to follow.

John was blushing, a little taken back. Very rarely was he ever thanked for anything.

“Did that just happen?”

“Yeah, it did.” Gordon kissed John on the lips. “Come in, let’s join them.”

 

 

The bistro was huge and grandeur in appearance and looked like it had an all you can eat buffet.

“Wow. This…. Is huge!”

John nudged Gordon playfully. “More impressive than me?”

Gordon playfully shoved him and slid one of his hands into a back pocket of John’s jeans to squeeze his backside, causing his lover to jump a little and go red in the face. “Oh that’s debatable...There’s nothing that compares to that bit of human extravagance.”

John freed Gordon’s hand and pulled him close to kiss him. “Let’s find them shall we before I pull you into the staff only lounge and confirm that you mean that.”

"Hey Virgil, look! There's cake!" Scott exclaimed excitedly as he used his bare fingers to pick up a piece and put it in his mouth, much to the disregard of the other patrons. Virgil laughed at how rare it was to see his eldest brother behave so child like.

"What?" Scott asked. Virgil just shook his head and continue smiling. "Come here, I'd teach you to laugh at me." Scott grab a hold of Virgil by his collar, and wiped the rest of the cream from the cake still on his fingers onto his face.

Virgil giggled, wrestled from Scott's grip and ran. It was the first time in weeks he had genuinely laughed like this, and it felt like he was finally alive again. Scott gamely gave chase, till Virgil stopped abruptly and he bumped into his brother. Virgil had stopped in front of Gordon and John, and had turned completely red from embarrassment with cream still on his nose, unsure of how much they had saw.

Scott flushed a little himself, and coughed. "Well, should we be looking for a table then?" He walked past them slinging an arm around Virgil's shoulders, gently steering him towards the nearest table.

Scott couldn't help it and he whispered something naughtily suggestive in his brother's ear as they walked, which caused the artist's face to turn even redder if that was even possible.

John and Gordon exchanged sly glances with each other and a silent ‘why were we worried again?’ was expressed between them.


	32. Make up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter by Lady Equinox

It was late when they eventually retreated to their respective rooms. Virgil couldn't remember the last time all four of them had hung out like this. It was really nice and something he hoped would continue even when they returned to the island. 

Virgil had barely closed the door behind them, when Scott had him pinned up against it, and was kissing him with a voracity that left him breathless. "I've been wanting to do this to you all day..." Scott growled seductively, as he leaned his forehead against Virgil's. "I've missed you so much... You've been going out of your way to avoid me when we broke up and when you suddenly left to fetch Gordon and John, I thought... I thought I had lost you for good."

"I want to remember how you taste like..." He said, as he went in for another kiss, gentler this time. God, he forgot how good Virgil tasted and he began to take off both their clothes. "I want to remember how your body feels against mine..." Scott whispered in his ear, as his hands worked quickly on his brother's belt. For a moment he almost lost it, when he felt Virgil squirm and trembling at his every touch.

When they were both finally naked, Scott guided Virgil to the bed and pushed him gently down towards it. As he sat on top on him, Scott looked down and drank in the sight before him. His brother's body was lean, toned and chiseled like a Roman sculpture. Scott continued raining butterfly kisses all over Virgil's body, as he moved south till he reached his throbbing erection, then he took him all into his mouth. Virgil gasped, more than a little impressed Scott could fit all of him. Scott continued nuzzling and sucking, Virgil had to work to hold himself together or risk exploding inside Scott's mouth. Eventually Scott let him go and as he got up he pushed Virgil legs up to his face, till he was a perfect C shape, his own dick dangling over his face. Without warning, Scott licked him right at the arsehole,and continued sucking him there.

"Arghhhhh Scott! Not like this! I'm gonna cum on my own face!" Virgil pleaded and begged, not entirely sure he wanted Scott to stop.

Scott eventually came up for air and laughed. "‘That’ was the idea..." he teased. "Hang on... I've got something better." He jumped down from the bed and began rummaging through his bag.

Virgil leaned back onto the bed, taking the moment to catch his breath. Scott was intense! Scott came back with a black sash. "I... I wasn't sure what the situation here with you... with us was. And I wasn't sure if you were ready for me to show you some things I liked... not like what I did to John..." he said as he saw a hint of panic in Virgil's eyes. "Things we can both enjoy..." he smiled nervously. "I will never do anything that will hurt you, emotionally or physically. I promise. Do you believe me?" 

Virgil had initially started to panic, wondering if Scott had fallen back into bad habits. But he believed him when he said he won't hurt him, so he nodded. Scott relaxed, he leaned forward and tied the black sash around Virgil's eyes. "You'd notice that every other sense is heightened, when you take something away..." He said softly, studying every curve of Virgil's strong facial features. 

Tracing light fingers across his face, Scott kissed him softly in seemingly random places on his face. Then he nuzzled, teased and suckled on Virgil's adam’s apple. The sensation was all very new to Virgil, but Scott was right. Not being able to see what his brother was doing to him, heightened his other senses and it was as if every touch he was feeling was suddenly intensified a hundred fold.

He gasped when Scott started nuzzling him at his adam's apple, the things he could do with his tongue! It was driving him insane! Virgil reached out blindly for Scott and he felt clumsy against his measured touch. Scott hands roamed all over his body and it felt like he was being touched for the first time. His breaths got harder when Scott's skilled hands reached his legs. He groaned when he massaged his inner thighs, slowly opening them.

Virgil felt like he was going crazy, trying to anticipate when Scott would choose to enter him. "Scott... please... I don't know how much longer I can hold..." He begged, as he again reached out blindly. 

"Just a little longer. You can hold... do it for me." Scott took Virgil's left hand and seductively sucked on them with his mouth and tongue. He guided Virgil's other hand to his own throbbing member, showing him how he liked to be touched. Just as Virgil started to relax, Scott took his hands away. Placing his own hands on Virgil's hips, he finally entered him.

Virgil gasped and moaned, the exhilaration of Scott's sudden entrance made him scream his name as he begged for more. Their bodies fell into unison, as they moved together, dancing in perfect choruses. Scott fell onto Virgil as he finally released, both of them dripping all over the other. Even for Scott, this was something beyond anything he ever experienced before. Because this time it ‘was’ different. He was totally and utterly in love…


	33. Words of power

Gordon poked his head around the doorway. “You think they won’t catch us sneaking off like this?”

“Pfft after how they were acting all day? They’re probably busy, if you get my drift.” John rolled his eyes. “Are we honestly as bad as that? I mean they were practically stinking the places we went out with major testosterone.”

“And we weren't?” Gordon raised an amused eyebrow. 

“Hey, I pride myself on my mintyness. I like to smell clean thank you very much and not like a five month old gym sock. Honestly though if having a strong musk is what makes you sexually attractive then I am not sinking to that level.” John looked a little sour at the idea of him not having a shower at LEAST once a day and there had been times that did happen and he spent hours in the shower trying to rectify it.

“I wouldn’t want you to. I like how you smell, it’s always tasty.” Gordon poked him in the ribs. “So are we ready?”

“I don’t know Gordon… I mean I’ll sing things for you and everyone at home...but this is really public.”

“I’ll be there playing my guitar with you. Besides, You can sing in German I certainly can’t. This will be really fun, better than karaoke.”

“Yes, but let’s leave the singing in english. I can hold a tune that way. Hey, let’s make this open mic night interesting Gordon… say a wager?”

“Oh?” Gordon looked devious. “What’s the wager?”

John paused a few feet in front of the elevator, clicking his tongue. “I reckon I can make you cum in your pants without touching you while we’re on stage.”

“HA! Like to see you try John, you’re voice isn’t THAT magical.”

“Oh?” John gave Gordon a very coy smile. “Afraid you’ll lose are we?”

“HELL NO! If I can prove you wrong I get you to take me out on one of those fancy wine tasting things that ends with a free private concert. Those things cost a fortune and they’re worth every damn penny I hear.”

John started laughing and Gordon pouted as the elevator opened for them to get on. “Oh you had better do you John?”

As the elevator reached the foyer, John walked out ahead of Gordon, grinning from ear to ear while his shorter lover was going redder than a tomato in the face.

“Are you coming or what?” John teased, rocking back and forth on his heels. “Or have I already won this bet before we’ve even left the hotel?”

“No- no way! You’re not going to win that easy!” Gordon snapped out of it, the hot flush still warm on his face. “But damn John really?” he swallowed. “Y-you’d do that to me?”

John leaned own and purred into his ear. “I’m not the only one who smells yummy, Gordon.”

 

The pub’s set up for the open mic was very intimate and Gordon was surprised they were expected to sing something original.

“Uh John, I only know that one song…. I’ve never made up MORE than one of my own tunes before.” Gordon whispered as they took their positions at the microphones. “Heck that song is super short! What do I do?”

John winked. “Improvise. You play whatever tune sounds good and I’ll make something up.”

“Are you sure? The other performers have been really good and the crowd is mighty drunk right now… they could get ugly if we botch this.”

“We’ll be fine Gordon.” John kissed his cheek. “I believe you can do this.”

Gordon took a deep breath and started plucking a random tune and repeated the rhythm, letting his fingers gentle caress the notes as he strummed. After a few minutes of a solid tune John started to sing.

“Sometimes I find myself sitting all alone, watching the world go by -  
Wondering if what I feel is truth or a lie.  
Reality can be cruel and harsh,  
but it’s not always brutal and fair -

Am I so broken that I can’t be pieced back together?  
Is what I’m feeling impossible love?

Please, Help me I’m drowning -  
You’re light is all that I see.  
Holding my hand and guiding me through this stormy sea.  
You're the rarest jewel in the world -  
One that’s a part of me.

Your touch is so gentle and kind and the starlight makes your body glow -  
Your hand on my heart is so tender, just as soft as your lips are on mine.  
The world stops spinning everytime your with me, and for a moment I’m no longer alone -  
Left feeling empty inside in this universe without love.

Please, Help me I’m drowning -  
You’re light is all that I see.  
Holding my hand and guiding me through this stormy sea.  
You're the rarest jewel in the world -  
One that’s a part of me.

You're more than just a lover, you're a hero, companion and friend -  
Together we share every moment, the good and even the bad.

Please, Help me I’m drowning -  
You’re light is all that I see.  
Holding my hand and guiding me through this stormy sea.  
You're the rarest jewel in the world -  
One that’s a part of me.

You take me by my hand and pull me free…  
So I can be a part of this world

One that loves you forever and that’s a promise-  
Because you’re special to me.”

There was a nice little round of applause as Gordon eased off the little melody.

“That… that was about you and me wasn’t it?” he asked.

“Yes.”

Gordon led John off the small stage and around the back out of public view. He grabbed one of John’s hands and slid it under the hem of his trousers and boxershorts.

“So, I guess we do a little bit of shopping before we go back to the hotel then?” John purred, trying hard not to laugh at how wet and hard Gordon was.

“Seriously, you NEED to teach me how you do that!”

“Do what? Make you orgasm in your pants without lifting a finger?”

“Fuck watching the rest of these guys to see who wins all that free beer, I want you right now this second.”

“Detour first. Then playtime begins.”

“Fucking hell you're such a tease!”

“Oh come now, You love it.” John was grinning and chuckling with amusement. “I promise you’ll like this, after all it’s your body that’s going to get all the attention.”

Gordon shivered excitedly. “I swear if you don’t stop right now I’m going to cum in my pants again.”

“Aww…. what a shame. I like how you feel though.” John licked his lips and kissed Gordon after he removed his hand from his trousers. “Give me a tick to wash my hands and we’ll book it out of here.”


	34. Sweet tooth

“I’m going to need a shower after this aren't I?”

“Maybe.” John smiled deviously. “Or maybe I like the idea of us being a little bit sticky tonight? I’m not a total neat freak Gordon, you’ve seen the state of my bedroom.”

“That’s an organised mess John. it’s not a REAL disaster zone.”

“Yeah, dob yourself in that your own bedroom is worse than mine Gordon, totally romantic stuff.”

“John I don’t want to point this out to you but I’m sitting naked on a kingsize bed with a damn hard on shivering as this room is cold!”

John was occupied scrutinising his purchase before they came back to the hotel. “I’m naked too Gordon. This is going to be VERY messy and you’ll warm up in a jiffy. Man I’m not sure this container is enough to cover you head to toe.”

“John, it’s a FUCKING MASSIVE BUCKET. We could practically fill a bath with it!”

“There’s and idea for another time but with chocolate and marshmallows instead.”

“You could do this with jam, honey or damn peanut butter and it’s still be teasing the shit out of me.”

“You're far too sweet for those things… you’re very addictive, not only sweet, but a little salty too like how your hair always smells like the beach.” John kissed him before opening the lid on the container. He started to get really excited about this, mint and vanilla were not the only flavours he loved…. He had a bit of sweet tooth after all. He scooped some of it into his hand, some of it drizzling out between his fingers and dribbled it all across Gordon’s shoulders and back, then made sticky hand prints leading to his hips. Good thing Gordon’s hair was only wavy at the top and the sides and back had been shaved short otherwise this would be everywhere and a bugger to get out, John realising he’s going to need alot of help washing it out of his own hair after all this was over.

He then pressed his bare body against Gordon’s and allowed him to lick it off his fingers, while he started to lick it off Gordon’s shoulders as best as he could.

“Mmmm damn Gordon, if your tan really tasted like this fuck I’d get one too.”

“Nuh uh, I like your skin the way it is John. Don’t you dare change it. Besides, I’m thinking cheese cake if I get to do this to you.”

“Ohhh french or passionfruit?” John teased as he lapped the sweet, salty taste off Gordon’s skin.

“Strawberry.”

“Oh god why didn’t I think of that!?”

“You really do love sugary things don’t you?” Gordon laughed as John’s tongue felt ticklish.

“What can I say? I’m addicted.” John nibbled and sucked his way slowly down Gordon’s spine, using his mouth to gently massage him while he licked him clean.

Gordon was purring and started to do the same to John’s sticky, goo covered hand. “My god, going into three different shops was worth it! This is the best damn caramel I’ve ever had!”

“Heh, you know it tastes amazing because I’m getting to lick it off your body and you from mine too right, Gordon?” John let out a very animal like growl and that made Gordon melt on the inside. The predator was on the hunt and boy did he enjoy this strange but amazing peice of attention.

“The people in the store did think you we’re up to something when you asked for so damn much of it.”

“They can think all they want for all I care, nothing is too crazy for me and you to share together.” John nibbled at Gordon’s hips, making his smaller lover arch and make a little noise. He sat back up properly and grabbed another handful of caramel and while kissing him, drizzled and smeared it all down Gordon's front and his arms.

“May I?” Gordon asked.

“Sure, I don’t want to have all the fun.”

Gordon sank his arms into the bucket up to his elbows and was giggling like a little kid. “Oh my god that feels so… weird!” He slowly pulled his gooey caramel covered arms out, dribbling the filling everywhere on the bed, across John’s lap and then threw his arms around John, smearing his entire back and front with it finding amusement in the reaction of major surprise as John’s body stiffened and sat bolt upright in mild shock, while Gordon laughed like a maniac.

John lightly pushed himself free enough to start licking Gordon’s arms making him squirm. Gordon started to lick John clean too in any place he could reach, until John lowered him onto the bed and grinned.

“Let’s do this part together.”

“Oh damn John…. I’d love to.”

John scooped out another handful and smeared it into Gordon’s hand before grabbing another and positioning himself alongside Gordon on the bed where they could both not only get the best access, but the best view.

John gasped as Gordon ran his gooey hand along his member and growled loudly, “Oh uh fuck! AH!” struggling to breathe.

“Wow you really did tease yourself badly here didn’t you?” Gordon laid on the temptation in his voice thickly.

“Gordon, I’ve been hard for you since I knew I won our bet.” John stretched and let out another growl as Gordon’s sticky hand ran up along it’s length. “You know I don’t need to cover you in this to have my body begging and surrendering to you for mercy.” John then started to cover Gordon’s erection in the same way with the caramel and Gordon’s cockyness was replaced by a desperate whimper. Then before Gordon got bold again, John started to lick and stroke his beautiful hard member, pausing only long enough to recoat it with another layer of caramel to do it all again.

Gordon tried to concentrate long enough to do the same in return, his tongue flicking up and across his lover’s own erection - this time John’s long length a god send, giving more area to tease, suck and nibble.

Gordon could feel the vibrations from John’s throat as his purred and growled with him inside his mouth, sending him into a fever, his own little noises and groans returning the favour in an endless cycle of ecstasy. He could feel John’s body shiver in the wake of getting ready to orgasm and he realised that was enough to signal his body to to the same. Gordon wrapped his arms around John’s hips tight to stop them from moving too much, but he need not have worried - his lover was very careful to not force himself into him, aware of the limitations the human throat could facilitate. That didn’t prevent Gordon from bucking his own hips, though John had spread open his legs in preparation so he wasn’t about to get kneed in the face as they both released together.

Gordon knew there wasn’t much in him to keep going but god, the level of control John had over how much he was able to slow his orgasm down and extend it was something Gordon swore he’d have to learn too amongst the other things that John was able to do. Not a single drop was wasted, he was able to swallow it all and boy was he ever greedy to take it.

“Woah Gordon, you really were building up inside this time huh?”

“Huh? I exploded all at once! Not very sexy at all!”

John licked and sucked Gordon till he was satisfied he was clean and caramel free. “Nuh uh… Just because it was all in one go doesn’t mean there wasn’t alot. I feel so guilty that I wasted some of it on the bed sheets.”

“Wait what?”

“You heard me. I had to pull out otherwise you’ve have drowned me in your cum.”

Gordon flopped back and stretched out like a kitten waking up from a nap. “Really? I thought I’d have noticed that?”

“Ha yeah right the way you’re body was behaving? Not a chance.” John purred. “Damn you're still sticky in yummy gooey caramel….”

Gordon was about to retort but instead let out a moan as John started to lick him all over again, this time the escaped bits of caramel from his legs, lifting them up so he could playfully nip his backside before continuing following the caramel trails that lead all over his torso and towards his chest and shoulders. All this extra teasing made Gordon feel hard again, but not as intensely as he had been before…. That is till John leaned his hips against his and Gordon felt both their erections touch and go stiff and hard just by being pressed together.

“Gordon… May I have permission?”

“Seriously? After that you still ask me if it’s ok?”

John blushed. “Yes.”

“Damn John I owe you big time for this.”

“You owe me nothing Gordon. I love you - let me spoil you.”

He pressed his lips and parted them, exploring with his tongue and distracting Gordon from him entering his person - at least enough before Gordon had to gasp for air with how full John made him feel. Was it his imagination, or was John being able to get deeper each time they tried this? The thought made him shiver and arch in an attempt to allow his tall, long and slender lover to push in all the way.

“I…. I miss you…” Gordon let out a whimper as he let out another gasp and nuzzled into John’s broad embrace. “Even when we’re sitting side by side in the same room… I miss you making me feel complete.”

“I’ll never go away far, you know that’s a promise… even if I have to make you cum with just words, you know that I’m always thinking about how much you excite me and how much fun we have together.”

John felt Gordon's legs wrap around his waist an indication that he was ready for him to begin making sweet songs with him together. As they both moved together, they kissed, licked and nuzzled, eliciting weird and foreign sounds from each other - ones that they’d only share with each other while alone. John started to get bolder with every motion, Gordon’s whole body writhing and his senses overloading every time John press in deeply, drawing out each motion making sure Gordon felt every single incredible sensation while attending to his needs and stroking his newly hardened erection. He had never felt so alive, so intensified all over that he swore in his head that no body was ever going to take John away from him - it would be over his damn dead body. It was if he was being caressed and made love to by the ocean itself, the same way the waves stroke and leave the wet sand wanting more.

All that teasing, that incredible oral foreplay and sex made all of this extra passion worthwhile. They were both taking their time, listening, watching each other’s responses so they stretched their love making well into the late morning, the sun filtering through the windows touching their skin while they were still heavily distracted in congress.

Sometimes, all that build up is worth it. 

Eventually John had to give and Gordon felt his body was on fire, filling up with whatever John had managed to build up throughout the sunrise to quell the flames. Gordon knew some of it would be all over the bed mixing in with the sticky caramel but he didn’t care. He knew his body was John’s alone and that his was Gordon’s, and no amount of mess and sillness was ever going to change that.

Both of them cuddled together in a sticky mess on top of the satin sheets, dozing off as the warm midday sun was like a natural blanket over their naked bodies.

They both stirred a little when they heard the door being knocked and opened - then hurriedly shut again.

“Room service.” They both mumbled together before drifting back to sleep.

 

“Are they ready to go home Scott?” Virgil asked, walking along the corridor. That’s when he noticed Scott tieing a hankie on the door knob, the universal symbol to anyone anywhere that privacy and discretion was needed by the occupants.

“Uh… maybe we fly out tonight. After dinner.”

“Oh - you mean they’re STILL at it?’

“Errr. Not quite… best not let the cleaning staff find them asleep like that though.” he slung his arm around Virgil’s waist. “Let’s go get some lunch. I think we have some time to have a look around the city don’t you think?”


	35. Final hurdle

The flight home on Thunderbird two was quiet, Virgil surprised how tired his siblings still were. When they met up with them for dinner, both of them smelled sticky and John looked like someone had tried to wash his hair with something slimy, clearly whatever they had been up to failed to wash out not matter how much they tried.

On the island, Alan was waiting in the living room, bouncing on one foot to another, excited to not only find out what they did on their trip but to also have his brothers home safe and well.

Alan gave John a hug, practically jumping into his arms, while Kayo gave Gordon a hug and Brains a handshake welcome back home.

“You smell like you went to a lolly factory John, not on a cruise.” Alan wrinkled his nose. “Did Gordon let you eat NOTHING but junk food? No wonder you ended up in hospital!” Alan stepped back and Gave Gordon a childish ‘I’m watching you’ indication with his fingers before pulling him into an embrace too.

“So did you guys get to relax much?” Kayo asked.

“Of course. We had a pretty good time, didn’t we Gordon?”

Gordon laughed. “Yeah it was brilliant!”

“Ready to go back to work?”

Everyone looked up at Grandma Tracy as she walked over. “Rescuing doesn’t take a vacation you know.”

“I guess we are.” Gordon grinned. “Well I am at any rate.”

John nodded. “Give it another week Grandma and we’re all go.”

“How is the body coping?”

“Just fine Kayo, just fine. Got two really nice scars Alan might appreciate.” John chuckled.

“Yes, w-well don’t push yourself too much operations need time to allow for full recovery.”

“Duly noted Brains.”

“Hey did you meet any serious babes on the boat? There should have been so much skin on something like that!” Alan laughed as Kayo clipped him across the ear.

“Of course but now where you age Alan.” John winked.

Gordon looked at Grandma Tracy, glancing at John and asked, “Can we talk to you alone in the kitchen down stairs a minute?”

“Sure, something on your mind?”

“You could say that.” John nodded.

The three of them made their way down stairs and Alan hid at the top of the staircase out of view leaning over a little to try and listen in to the conversation.

Kayo turned to Virgil. “So how is he really? You can tell us. John rarely gets sick and when he does it’s something pretty big.”

"Don't worry, John will be ok." Virgil smiled. Scott walked over and draped his arm around his shoulders. "Besides, he's got Gordon to take care of him." he said, as he gave Scott a knowing wink, and they walked away together.

Once out of earshot, Virgil confessed. "I'm worried about them, Scott. Grandma's not going to be easy to deal with, if they're planning on telling her, like I think they are... Can we please check up on them? Grandma listens to you Scott, they'd need us to back them up here... We owe them that much... Please?" He said, as he tugged on Scott's shirt.

Scott nodded as he ruffled Virgil's hair. "I was thinking the same thing. Let's go 'rescue' our brothers shall we?"

Alan then piped up from his spot by the stairs. “There's a lot of arguing down there...I've never heard Gordon so mad before. John saying stuff I can't make out…. I think he's pretty angry…”

Alan scrabbled up onto his feet as Grandma Tracy stormed up the stairs.

“Both your parents would be rolling in their graves! Not only is it illegal, it's incest and its unnatural! I WILL NOT HAVE IT IN THIS HOUSE, NO MATTER HOW LITTLE THE RULES OF THE OUTSIDE WORLD APPLY HERE!”

Gordon bolted up the stairs behind her, shouting, “IT'S NOT LIKE THIS IS SOME RANDOM DECISION WE JUST MADE! We don't meet people in this job so what do you expect to happen?!”

Grandma Tracy turned on her heel. “I expect my grandsons, regardless of their orientation to have relationships outside the family - not within it!”

John followed them up the stairs, blood on his lips from biting it when she hit him. He reached out for Gordon. “Don't Gordon…. No more. If she disowns both of us I'll regret it the rest of my life.”

“But it's not your fault and it's not mine!” Gordon protested. “And I'd be damned if anyone tries to take you away from me!”

“They won't.” he gently took him by the hand and led him upstairs and in the hallway where he nuzzled Gordon till he calmed down.

“If you and I have to leave and live on the mainland to be together, then that's what we will do. We have the money, we can survive.”

“Until we get investigated by the police for any reason.”

“It won't come to that.” John pressed his forehead against Gordon's. “I promise.”

Gordon wiped the blood off John's lips and kissed him, taking his hand and leading him to John's bed room where they could be alone and hold one another.

“I wish we really could get married, John.”

“So do I Gordon, so do I."

 

"But Grandmaaaaaa..." Virgil whined, in a voice he hadn't had to use on her since he was about seven, as he flopped down on the seat beside her. "If you can see beyond the fact that they're brothers, you'd also see that they're really good for each other too. John's been looking way happier since they're together, and Gordon has gotten a sense of maturity about him now."

"And..." Scott started, as he took the other seat beside their Grandma, effectively blocking any escape between them, as he swung an arm around her. "... besides, haven't you always wanted to throw a wedding here on the island?" He teased, as he couldn't help but see a glimmer of hope in her eyes at the mention of a wedding. "We could throw a surprise one for them right here!" He said, gestured wildly with the other arm.

"Plus, we're family Grandma. We Tracy's never turn our back on one another." Virgil begged. "Right now they probably feel it's them vs the world... they need our support now more than ever. And... I know if Dad was here, he wouldn't care... he'd just want us to be happy..." He said softly, as he rested his chin on her shoulder.

"The thing about love Grandma, is that people fall in love with people, not genders. It's just an unfortunate coincidence that the person they fell in love with, just happened to be related to them by blood. You were young once, I'm sure you loved Grandpa. You know you can't simply tell your heart who they can or cannot choose to love..." Virgil said, wondering for a moment if he was talking about himself and Scott, or still speaking up for Gordon and John.

He sighed, "It's bad enough that the whole world will judge them for their love, as their family should accept them for who they are, whatever they may feel for the other... we know both of them too well, to know that they at least deserve this much from us..." His voice getting softer, right at the edge of tears.

Scott looked over at Virgil, and he felt every word. He hoped Grandma Tracy would listen, 'cos if she did maybe he and Virgil would be able to come clean about their own relationship too. But that would be for another day, first they needed to battle for Gordon and John. One hurdle at a time Tracy, he said to himself.

Grandma Tracy sighed, the famous Tracy temper of a hurricane was as quick as dissipate as it was to start. She placed a hand on both grandsons, "I swear you boys will be the death of me one day... but even an old stubborn lady can be made to see reason..."

"Great!" Virgil chimed quickly before she could change her mind. "Now, I was thinking about that surprise wedding, we could..."

Before long, Kayo, Brains and Alan got roped in with the planning too. Sure they were initially surprised at first, but they were more than happy to be included in the coming festivities. Too long the island had been overcast in shadow, it was time to bring the light in again.

“Hey John, you ok?” Gordon sat up on his elbows. He had been asleep next to John in his boxers, afraid someone would take him away from him overnight.

John was mumbling as if he had a fever. Gordon checked his forehead before wrapping his arms around him tight, tucking his head into his chest. Maybe leaving the island would be good for them… there really isn't a place here that was full of memories from their past before the cruise.

After that conversation with Grandma, John had become withdrawn - just wanting to hold Gordon till he fell asleep. Gordon knew he was hurt, John only ever really seeking approval from their parents or her to make sure he wasn't ever putting a foot wrong in regards to his siblings. It made him angry John was shut down like he didn't matter.

“Don't you dare... please breathe Gordon...please dont give up…”

“Shhh...it's ok John, I'm right here.” Gordon kissed his forehead. He felt John's arms wrap around him tight like he was afraid he wasn't really there in bed with him.

“Gordon… please be ok….”

Gordon nuzzled John's hair and smiled when he heard a soft purring and felt John's fingers stroke lightly along his back.

John was dreaming about playing games with him. Now, this was more like it….sure he'd wake up eventually but damn, John was very active in his sleep when he was dreaming about him and Gordon adored it.

He was just as playful in his sleep as he was awake.

“John…. Damn you…”

Gordon started to tease him back, running his fingers the light gingery trail of hair down from his belly button to deep into his own tight shorts, where the colour got darker and less ginger. Gordon thought it was really sexy that it was all natural and that John wasn’t afraid to leave it as it was.

John shuddered and finally stirred enough to indicate he was awake. “Gordon….” he purred softly. “I really want you right now… but not here.”

“Oh?”

“Nuh uh.” John nudged him. “We have to leave tonight.”

“Leave? Like right now?”

“Yes. I can make it so we take Thunderbird four to the mainland and it can auto pilot a return trip home without us on board… rent a hotel and then maybe start looking for own own place…”

“You really want to do that tonight?”

“Yes. I don’t need any of this stuff to be happy. I just need you.”

Gordon smiled and held John’s hand to his chest. “Let’s do it then.”

They both got dressed, grabbed things that they really needed like money and identification and a few things like books and the music cd - whatever would fit into two back packs each and they both took the back passage down to the launch bay of the rescue crafts.

They loaded themselves and their stuff onboard Thunderbird four and the only noise to fill the hanger was the sound of the submarine slipping into it’s water launch bay and jetting off in the direction of Sydney Harbour.

"Hey John?" Virgil knocked and frowned when he found the room empty. He made a beeline for Gordon's room, only to find it empty too.

He did not like this at all. He had a sudden sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, and he all but ran to his father's desk. "Hey? What's wrong?" Scott asked. "Where are the guys?"

"Trust me Scott, I would like to know too." Virgil was worried. Sure, this threw a wrench in his plans for them today, but right now he just wanted to know where his brothers went.

"Jesus Christ, guys! Seriously? Of all days to elope, you guys choose today? Fucking perfect timing!" Virgil cursed, as he threw his arms up in exasperation, as the two blinking holograms lit up to show where Gordon and John were on the mainland.

Scott raised his brows in surprise, admiring his brothers courage, he himself had on more than one occasion wanted to up and leave but lacked the guts to do so. "Well... that's... unexpected. What are you going to do?"

Virgil was livid and anxious all at once, he tugged at the stupid tie that was choking him. "What am I going to do? I am going to drag their sorry arses back here... Look Scooter, they didn't give up on me way back then, I am *not* going to give up on them either."

He laughed bitterly, "Oh no, those two aren't getting away this easily." Then he had an epiphany. "Hey Scott, do you still have that friend who works at..." he pointed to the digital display.

"The Royale? Yeah why?" Scott wondered.

"Well... I was thinking..." and as Virgil shared his plans, Scott couldn't help but smile at his brother's tenacious spirit.


	36. Vows

There was a mad pounding on their hotel room door. Gordon and John looked at each other, they weren't expecting anyone to notice their departure this soon.

John moved towards the door and opened it. "Virgil?" He barely got the words out, when his brother grabbed him by the collar and pulled him into a fierce bear hug.

"Are the both of you *trying* to give me a heart attack? Cos you're both doing a hell of an awesome job here." He said angrily, as he held onto John tightly. "I know what happened with Grandma. But you shouldn't have to run from your own family. Please give us the chance to work this out together?"

"Hey Virge? Let the guy breathe a little yeah?" Scott spoke up from behind them.

Virgil reluctantly let go, almost as if he was afraid they might start running again if he did. "Hey? Can you guys come down with us to the pool?" He asked, as he grabbed John firmly by the hand.

"Urm... sure?" John looked nervously over his shoulder at Gordon. He was flattered that his brothers had chased them down so urgently like this, but they were planning something, and he wasn't entirely sure he wanted to find out.

 

As they rounded the bend towards the pool, they were greeted by the rest of their family seated in a simple row of chairs, with ribboned flowers of blue hydrangeas and white lilies tied to them. The cheesy archway of balloons, the aisle of scattered rose petals...

It took a while before everything registered. "Welcome to your wedding." Virgil gestured. ‘Their’ wedding? John flushed a little, he looked over at Gordon. The look of shock on his face told him he wasn't expecting this either.

"I was hoping to do this on the beach on the island, with the romantic backdrop of the rising sun. Everything was set up the night before but we woke up and found the two grooms missing!" Virgil chattered on excitedly, as he led them both by the hand towards the archway.

"The two of you almost made this a logistical nightmare!" Virgil laughed. "Thank God Scott knew someone who works at this hotel, and managed to pull a couple of strings." He said, as he beamed at Scott. “Well, all I need was give you the contact. You did all the work."  
Scott smiled. "All this? What the hotel couldn't provide, he had it all packed up into Two."

Parker rose from a chair as the four of them approached the end of the archway, he had a priest's sash draped from his neck, and was holding a bible. "Parker? You're our officiant?" Gordon finally found his voice.

"Yes, Master Gordon. I have the proper certification to register marriages, since this ceremony is more symbolic in significance it is but a formality." Parker smiled.

"Well? Should we get cracking?" Grandma Tracy spoke up, as she took John's arm. "Grandma..." John started.

"Who presents this man to be married to this man?" Parker asked.

"I do..." Grandma said, as she tightly grasped John's arm.

"Does this couple have the blessings of their family for this marriage?" Parker asked again.

"With the knowledge that Jefferson and Lucille would have loved and supported this union as much as this family does, I freely give them my blessing..." She said proudly, as she pressed John's hands to Gordon's.

John's eyes glistened with unspoken gratitude, Grandma's eyes shone with the same unspoken love as Gordon held his hands tightly for the strength he needed.

He barely even registered the flashes of Virgil's camera, his heart pounding at the acceptance and blessing his family had just jointly given.

Gordon could feel John shaking. This was really public….too public for someone used to being in the background.

 “Hey John, you ok?”

“Gordon….” he whispered. “I can't do this… not..not like this… in front of one person… you yes...but not - not in front of everyone.”

“I know… I don't think I can either.” Gordon’s voice was low so Parkers ears couldn't overhear. “Sure I wanted to get married but even this it too much for even me.”

They glanced around the room at all the effort put into this for their expense and at all the expected faces then at each other.

A smile crossed Gordon's face and he gave John's hand a squeeze.

Both broke into a run. Virgil made a grab for John however just because he was tall and skinny, didn't mean he wasn't fast or agile - Virgil miss reading his jinking movement and barreling into chairs and decorations.

Scott had gone for Gordon but tripped over some of the up ended chairs and landed in a heap on top of Virgil.

Once in the foyer in a large throng of people, John grabbed Gordon's wrist and dropped the dive watch into a ladies hand bag - the first main way they could be tracked - then dropped Gordon’s new phone into the coat pocket of someone about to get into a taxi. In a way it was a relief John didn't carry anything in his person besides credit cards that could be tracked, but if they tried to use those they'd always be several steps behind them.

He smiled at Gordon and both of them darted out into the mob of the city streets towards the nearest station, Gordon pulling John along to a platform to a double decker train bound for Port Macquarie which in total a eight hour journey, that particular rail line left un upgraded when the bullet trains became standard.

They both collapsed on a window seat on an empty carriage on the top level, laughing with each other at how embarrassing that was.

“John, I still want to get married… but just us, one witness and the celebrant…not… not like that… even I was scared back there.”

“I think how fast grandma changed her tune terrified me more than necessary.”

“What about that smug look on Lady Penelope? I swear she thought it was all a joke and was only there to make fun of us.”

John started laughing really hard. “On that note, did you get a look at Parker?”

Gordon burst out laughing just thinking about it. “He looked so ridiculous!”

“So, we getting off at New Castle or we staying the full eight hours to Port Macquarie?” John asked.

“Maybe somewhere in the middle. Chances are they'd have both those major train stations covered trying to find us.”

“Good point, or we can get to Port Macquarie and stay on the train as it returns to Sydney, then get on a bus to Canberra.”

Gordon smiled. “Man this is fun!”

John chuckled and put his hand on Gordon's knee. “Let's not make it a habit, ok? I'm not as fit as I used to be. I can only outrun them both for a short time.”

Gordon took his hand and held it above his heart. “John, you are the rarest and most beautiful creature on the planet to me, the way you move like you're dancing, the way your voice always sings whatever is in your heart and how much charm you mind has that lures me in with its playfulness...John you are my precious magical leafy sea dragon… the rarest of them all and the only one of its kind. Will you take my hand and be mine?”

John blushed and replied, “I will.” he kissed him on the hand before continuing, holding Gordon's other hand above his own heart. “Gordon you are not just a shining beacon in my life nor are you simply the shiniest star in the sky...you are the sun that gives life the energy to thrive, the warmth of your endless glow as you reach deep into the darkest places of the caves in my soul...Gordon...will you take my heart into your hand and warm it with love?”

Gordon had turned redder than a tomato again. Sure, John wasn't a poet but he had a way with words that had him thoroughly impressed. “I will.”

John then kissed Gordon and pressed him into the cushion of the train seat, both of them playfully teasing one another, fueled by the adrenaline of being on the run and the real possibility of being caught.

This was more like it.

John moved his hand down Gordon’s trousers and pulled his thick hard erection free and while on his knees, started licking and sucking away, massaging him with his lips and stroking him with his tongue while his hands reached up slipping under Gordon's shirt to run his fingers over lightly defined muscle and then teasing his nipples.

“Nuhhhh! Oh god John don’t stop! Uhhh ooohhh uhhh ah!”

Gordon ran his hand through John’s hair, over and over while his lover swallowed his desperate orgasam while he continued to tease, bringing him again to attention and Gordon having absolutely no control in releasing a second and third time, his body over stimulated and John’s ability to tease him constantly during his relief period, making him hard again faster each time, the period his body needing to rest between each explosion of cum getting smaller the more his body was enjoying being teased beyond it’s limits. Gordon’s body never felt so intense before and he was begging and calling out for John so loud that any potential passengers for their carriage had second thoughts and left them alone.

“Uhhhh… John, Damn! Nuuuh!”

“Don’t get too tired on me.” John purred when he pulled away after Gordon released a fourth time and collapsed onto his shoulders.

“Ha, easy for you!” Gordon chuckled, looking John in the eyes then grinning completely exasperated at the sight of his cum on John’s lips, dripping down his chin and onto his shirt. “Ok, maybe not so easy….”

“Heh, you do unload quite alot you know. I barely had time to swallow.”

Gordon kissed him passionately, not caring that John was going to taste of him as well as smell sticky and musky. He let his tongue explore his partner's mouth and then started to lick John’s face clean.

“Do I need to ask John?”

“No. You can ride whenever you want.”

Gordon pushed John back onto the seat opposite when he stood, opened his pants and stroked him lovingly, grinning at the sight and how wet he was.

John had cum into his own pants while he gave Gordon the wildest oral sex if his life, making him all sleek and slippery.

Gordon removed his own trousers and sat on John’s lap, a loud predatory growl left his lips as Gordon made himself comfortable to get John in deep as possible. One day, he was going to get him all inside, filling him and making him complete.

“Uhhh Gordon….you feel so warm… so nice… fuck you you ever want me….Don’t ask…. Just touch and take. I’m all yours to do whatever you please, when you please.” John whispered in a low growl. “You know I'll only ever be this hard for you.”

“Ditto.”

This got a throaty laugh from John and Gordon gently squeezed him eliciting a louder animal noise.

“Make it last all the way across the coast New South Wales and back, John. I want to have you inside me as long as we possibly can.”

“Damn, I don’t know if I can but fuck if I’m not going to give it a try…”

They took their time, bodies working together - Gordon lifting himself occasionally to slide John out a little only to push him back in deeper and harder, John’s level of self control being pushed to its limits - only holding Gordon in a death grip when he had to cum, unable to contain it anymore.

Gordon gasped as his lover's hips bucked and liquid dribbled out onto John’s lap, the large amount expelled barely containable. He teased and nuzzled John till he could feel him swell again inside him and they began their little courtship dance again, this time stretching it out a little longer.

John’s mind was buzzing, he had no idea how many times Gordon brought him back up to cum again but John was running out of stamina and eventually on the last one he couldn’t hold for very long, his body shaking and overloaded with ecstasy.

“Shit, your clothes John! They’re covered in us!” Gordon managed to get out when he finally got off his lap and lay his brother against the window.

“I don’t care...I’d be happy to be like this every day if it’s only us.” John gave him an exhausted smile.

Gordon pulled on his pants and handed John his boxers. At least John was smaller in the waist than he was, so borrowing his boxers was far better than wearing the ones covered in their love making. Gordon giggled as helping John swap into his boxers while the train was moving was entertaining and then Gordon removed his shirt to give to John, even though it was wide enough in the shoulders, it did come up short just above his navel - Gordon kissing the revealed bit of skin before kicking the sex smelling musky clothes under the seat and cuddling into John who wrapped his arms around him before they dozed off asleep on the train. Neither of them knew the time and neither of them cared as the carriage gently rocked them and helped cradle their slumber for they were happy to be together.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Unused scene for Damage Control](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13230807) by [LadyEquinox](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyEquinox/pseuds/LadyEquinox)




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